Okay, I’m going to preface this by saying there are two kinds of women who struggle in love…
Exhibit A: The women who are total givers to the point they go all in too soon, play the chill girl and before you know it you’re in another dead-end situationship.
Exhibit B: The women who are so hell-bent on being strong and independent they struggle to let men into their lives.
This post is for the latter. (And I’ll circle back to Exhibit A in a future post.)
There’s a lot of talk online about being a “Queen” in your love life… You know, to be the kind of woman who attracts a “King”.
You’ve probably heard some of this bullshit dating advice - things like:
X “Don’t initiate anything - wait for him to lead.”
Including texts, conversations, and opening up emotionally.
X “Stay mysterious. Never let him know how much you like him.”
Because being warm and open is apparently desperate.
X“Coffee date? Ew. If he’s not booking a 5-star restaurant, I’m out.”
Sis, he hasn’t even met you yet - why should he be springing for oysters and cocktails?
X “Always prioritize your purpose over partnership.”
Because needing love is soooo unfeminist… right?
The truth is, dating is never this black and white.
And while rules might feel empowering on the surface - more often they just reinforce emotional guardedness, unrealistic expectations, and allow you to ignore your fear of true intimacy.
And I hate to break it to you, but this isn’t Queen energy!
It’s the shadow side of the archetype…
The Ice Queen.
And she’s quietly ruining your love life!
This is the nuance that gets completely lost in the online noise, and it’s exactly what keeps so many smart, successful women stuck, frustrated, and emotionally disconnected from true love.
Because what most people think it means to embody “Queen” energy is actually the Ice Queen in disguise.
She might look empowered on the surface and calls her demands “standards and boundaries” but really it's just an excuse for being guarded, sceptical, and scared to truly let love in.
Here’s how she tends to show up:
❄ By being so fiercely independent she blatantly rejects help from men
❄ By holding the belief “If I don’t do it it won’t get done” and basically expecting to get let down by men
❄ By waiting for men to “prove themselves” before truly opening up and bringing her best self to the relationship
❄ By judging a man’s every move - she becomes so focused on spotting red flags, she forgets to actually connect.
As a result, the high-quality men walk away… and you’re left with a smaller pool of options that feel like settling.
I know this because I used to be an Ice queen.
And I get how tempting it is to hide behind her strong armour, because staying guarded often feels a whole lot safer than staying open.
However this is not a useful strategy for building a relationship.
It’s a reactive strategy for keeping your heart safe as you play into the illusion that you’re “taking action” by dating and “putting yourself out there” without really risking anything.
And it ends the same way every time, with you disheartened, unimpressed, and still alone.
Here’s what gets missed in all this “high value woman” hype:
👑 A true Queen doesn’t perform confidence - she cultivates it.
Her power isn’t in pretending not to care. It’s in knowing her worth cannot be touched by anything external. From this secure foundation, she’s willing to show up in her fullness, even when it’s scary.
👑 She communicates her standards clearly and compassionately.
Without games or ultimatums. Just the truth, spoken with love and grace.
👑 She opens AND protects her heart wisely.
She’s not guarded, but she is discerning. Her heart is open, but it’s not available to just anyone.
👑 She knows how to receive.
Not with suspicion or scorekeeping - but with appreciation, softness, and joy. The kind that inspires men to give even more to her because they just adore her.
👑 She can hold duality.
Strong and soft. Vulnerable and empowered. Open-hearted and boundaried. She’s not just one note - she’s the whole damn symphony!
In this way, a true Queen doesn’t blindly demand devotion. She inspires it.
So ask yourself:
Are you showing up as someone a high-quality man would want to build a life with?
Or are you unknowingly shutting down good men with suspicion, perfectionism, and half-hearted relating?
Because here's the truth:
There are plenty of high quality men out there looking for commitment. They’re just unwilling to commit to a woman who expects the royal treatment without really giving a guy a fair go.
There is also a bigger conversation here around what do we really bring to the table as women? Hint: it's not about money or accolades, and it's not as shallow as looking hot.
Real talk: men are looking for a radiant woman.
Google says the word radiant means shining, glowing brightly, or sending out light and warmth. And that’s a pretty good description for what men are looking for. And thankfully, it's really not that hard to cultivate.
Unfortunately many of these men have offered their consistency, loyalty, and presence only to be met with projection, power games, or cold withdrawal once they’ve expressed a boundary or shown they’re also human.
(There’s a whole other conversation we need to have about sex differences and how often women are judging men on the criteria of the perfect women and how that fucks us up, but I’ll save that conversation for another time!)
So they learn to stop over extending themselves blindly and wait to move when it feels reciprocal.
These men don’t lack depth or love - they’ve just stopped giving it away so cheaply.
So if you want to call in one of these Kings?
You’ve got to bring more than lip service to what it means to be a “Queen.”
And be someone who’s actually doing the work - the kind of woman who:
- Understands sex differences and knows how to bring out the best in a man
- Communicates with respect, clarity, and compassion
- Sets wholehearted boundaries with grace
- Builds intimacy with an open heart and intentional pacing
- Practices empowered vulnerability that draws men closer, not pushes them away
- Leads with her feminine radiance and inspires men to rise into a higher standard of love alongside her.
This is what I teach inside The Alchemy of Attraction.
And Module One: The Queen is ready for you to dive into, the moment you join.
It’s real, it’s honest, and will completely rewire the way you show up in love - without playing games, contorting yourself, or pretending to be someone you’re not.
So if you’re ready to stop performing and start attracting true partnership…
Oh, and one last thing…
The Queen doesn’t ride solo.
Because while she sets the tone, it's the multi-dimensional mastery of all 4 relationship archetypes that really seals the deal and positions you as a truly irreplaceable life partner.
Inside AOA I’ll guide you through this journey step-by-step..
Join us live or move at your own pace.
Either way this program will change the way you date and relate to men forever.
See what past students have to say about the program:
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