For anyone feeling stuck, overwhelmed or a little too far away from the life they know they are here to live.
I’m not interested in who you think you should be.
I’m interested in what comes up when you really sit with the question:
What kind of life would I create if I could have it all my way?
Now before you freak out and worry I’m encouraging you to become a narcissistic pixie dream girl who lives in her own world, oblivious to the relational nature of what it means to be a human being, hear me out.
This is not about living in a fantasy where only your needs matter.
It’s about listening to your soul and working backwards from the best-case scenario so that you can truly build a life that feels like yours.
Because we are born to feel alive.
Yet so much of that aliveness gets dampened as we go through the motions of living our everyday lives without question.
I’ve been on a long, sometimes messy path of self-discovery since I was 17 years old, fresh out of high school and trying to figure out what it meant to be a fulfilled human in this day and age.
For much of my young adult life, I was wrestling with my relationship with myself, my body, my emotions and my place in the world.
And so, the question that began following me everywhere was:
How do I build a life that feels fulfilling and goes the distance?
Fresh out of high school, I did what was expected of me.
I went to uni, got my degree, did an internship, found a paid position and started building a career as a copywriter in the advertising industry.
I loved writing, and this path seemed like a viable way to blend it with an income. But the deeper I got into it, the less right it felt, as though I had to contort my talents to fit the commercial hole I had been hired to plug.
Finally, and as much as I’d like to say “I quit”, the truth is, I got fired. By that stage, my heart just wasn’t in it and it showed.
So, I joined a hippie caravan and started travelling the world, learning just how little one could live off and still have a great time.
Lots of wild, crazy and amazing stuff happened along the way - stories for another day. Each experience taught me so much about myself, love, life and humanity.
To the peers I grew up with, it looked like I was “off with the fairies” doing plant medicine in the Amazon Jungle - and yeah, that’s one way of looking at it.
But truly, the years I spent travelling initiated me into adulthood with a wealth of experiences that continue to inform the way I do life today and I do not know who I would be without them.
Throughout my travels I learned to trust myself, trust life and eventually trust humanity again - which is kinda a big deal given we’re living in a well documented trust recession that is quietly driving people bonkers.
But in order to truly trust yourself, Life - or others for that matter - you first need to spend time listening.
Really listening.
Because the quieter voice of your intuition resides far beyond the screaming heresy of the ego. And yet the ego is often the loudest voice in our head. It’s the voice telling us what we should do - to be successful, to be good, to be liked, to protect ourselves etc. And acting from that place will rarely get us to where we really want to be.
Doing It My Way, Now
Realistically, my life is very different now to what it was 10 years ago.
I’m married, have a mortgage, a dog and a kid. I’m also running my own business, juggling a few hobbies and trying to figure out how to do it all without placing unnecessary pressure on myself.
I love my life. I really do.
And like any life, it has its moments where things can feel overwhelming or not quite aligned.
Which is why I find this question so freeing.
Given the circumstances and all my responsibilities, what would it look like to do it my way?
I like to return to this whenever I’m feeling stuck in a rut because it reminds me of the possibilities and gets me to turn my attention back to what I do actually have control over.
It’s from sitting with the thoughts that follow that I find clarity around what moves I need to make. What memberships need to be cancelled, and what new support systems need to be created.
So often we can be quick to dismiss what we really want as a far-off fantasy. We tell ourselves it’s “selfish” or “not possible” and to accept the status quo because it feels less confronting than facing the parts of ourselves that want to keep us complicit in a life that does not truly feel like ours.
The people-pleasing parts. The dutiful good girl. The inner critic that tells you you will never be as good as the people you admire - just to name a few.
But I find that when I give myself space to articulate what I really want, I can often find ways to make it happen without waiting for a tomorrow that never comes.
I play this game over and over again in both my business and my personal life.
If I could have it all my way… how would I do things differently?
In my relationship, in business, in my role as a parent, as a friend, as a human - you name it - what do I really value and how can I live more in alignment with that?
For example, in business I’ll ask myself:
What do I want my weekly routine to actually look like?
What days and hours do I want to work?
How many clients do I actually want to see in a week?
How do I want to see them - on video? Audio only? In person?
What courses or containers would I love to run?
What do I want to do in my time off?
What support do I want or need to make this feel good?
How do I want to approach my health and fitness goals?
And what is not working for me right now?
The specificity really matters here - the clearer you can articulate it the better.
Then, from that clarity, I ask:
What can I do today that is a step in that direction?
Sometimes the next move is simple and you can get it done right away.
Other times, you have to be more creative about what is really within your means right now and play a longer game.
The bottom line is this:
Thinking about what it means to have it all your way does not mean shirking responsibility or being selfish.
It means giving yourself the space to articulate what truly matters to you and building a bridge between where you are and the life you want to create.
Of course it’s always an ongoing work in progress, but I find coming back to this question keeps me honest with myself and has allowed me to build a beautiful life that just gets better with every year.
So I’m curious:
What would your life look like if you let yourself imagine it all your way, then worked backwards from there?
Is there a particular area of your life right now that is calling for this kind of reflection?
I’d love to hear what comes up for you in the comments.
