By the ripe old age of 19 I was already jaded in love. I remember walking along a beach one day and thinking to myself: Does romantic love even exist?
I wondered because I hadn’t experienced anything close to what was depicted in fairy tales, love songs and rom-coms. Sure I had my moments of attraction and infatuation, but nothing solid enough to build a real foundation of love upon.
So I set out on a quest - both within and without - to uncover the truth about love, and learn all I could about attraction and relationships.
During this journey, I sampled all kinds of arrangements; from fleeting romances to committed partnerships, open relationships to toxic dependencies, friends with benefits to soul mate connections.
It took 18 months to find my place in this world again. So many sleepless nights as I lay in bed alone, playing our relationship over and over in my head. Asking myself, what I did wrong, where he was at fault and how could things have worked out differently?
While I'd developed a hunger to better understand love and relationships back on that beach at 19, it was the pain of this heartbreak that really forced me to dive deeper, show up, look within and do the work.
After much soul seeking, I finally met my current partner - now husband - and started building the incredible relationship we enjoy today. Inspired by our love, I decided to put all I had learned into practice as a dating coach for women.
People often ask me how I got into this line of work... In hindsight it seems inevitable. Growing up with not one, but two relationship therapist parents certainly set me up to take more of an interest in relationships. After all, talking about the intricacies of intimacy is part of our family culture.
My father used to say to me ‘Jiveny, one day you will realise there is nothing to life but relationships.’ Funnily enough I was a loner for most of my childhood and it took me a while to figure out what he was on about. Bullied in school, I felt hurt by the people around me and it took me a while to trust again.
This carried on over to my own dating life and despite my family resources, it took me a while to figure relationships out for myself. It’s better that way - I probably wouldn’t be a very good dating coach if I’d never felt the true pain of heartbreak.
In 2016, after studying life coaching I decided to start my own business as a dating and attraction coach and help others build good love. Since then I have continued my personal development as a coach, acquiring skills in Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), Timeline Therapy, Emotional Processing and Internal Family Systems (IFS) as well as continually being mentored by my psychiatrist and relationship-therapist father.
I believe that the more we learn to love better, the more we empower future generations to thrive in their own relationships.
I'm passionate about relationship eduction, knowing that healthy relationship skills can be learned.
Before working with Jiveny I had experienced a handful of serious relationships that I had mostly sabotaged. I was also in these relationships for the wrong reasons so I guess they were destined to fail.
I found the work I did with Jiveny ground breaking. I was finally able to get to the bottom of the ‘whys’ and ‘hows’ regarding my failed relationships. She was able to help me to open myself to what I really wanted and let go of what wasn’t working.
I have since found a lifelong partner who I have started a family with. Applying the things I learned from Jiveny to the early stages of our relationship really helped us to progress our connection in a much healthier way. We’ve been together for four years now and have one-year-old twin baby girls. My partner is loyal beyond words - this was something I haven’t really ever been able to say before. He puts his family first and is such a loving and involved father.
Jiveny has a warm and non-judgmental approach to coaching. I found it fascinating how her questions opened up new possibilities that could be applied to my relationship with my partner immediately. I felt very comfortable working together as I could see that Jiveny really does care about helping people to have a great relationship - with full expression, while honouring each other’s wants and needs.
Thank you for your gift to the world. It is needed now more than ever before as many of us have very poor education and awareness when it comes to navigating the most intimate relating we will ever do!
I was single for about 10 years before I started working with Jiveny and felt like I had lost my way. I wanted to feel more grounded, trust in my decision making and be genuinely confident and happy with who I was so that I could meet someone to share my life with, but constant overthinking, self sabotage and lack of solid boundaries were holding me back.
Since working with Jiveny, I have developed a relationship with a man who lights up my soul and my smile. He is someone I can fully be myself around, who I can lean on and who I have so much fun and adventure with. He is like no-one I have met before and he brings out a better, stronger and more motivated version of myself and I couldn’t feel more grateful for the relationship we have. We’ve nearly been together for 3 years at the time of writing this.
If I hadn’t made the choice to work with Jiveny, I think I would have continued with the uncertainty, self sabotage and the feeling of being stuck for a long time.
When I first started working with Jiveny I was plagued with anxiety that I would never get to have a proper girlfriend. I had low self-esteem and struggled with anxiety.
Well to go straight to the biggest point – after working with Jiveny I soon met someone and now we are building a life together. I’ve also worked through some of the intimacy issues that I have had in the past.
This work has allowed me to become a lot more conscious of myself and how I am feeling, taking the time out to ask myself how I am each day. This has really helped to manage my anxiety. Overall, I found working with Jiveny very helpful.
When I first approached Jiveny, I was very fearful that she would not be interested in me because of my age and my, as I saw it then, failure to establish a successful relationship with a man. But, I was so wrong!
From the very beginning, Jiveny was warm, welcoming, perceptive, supportive and positive. The diversity and range of Jiveny’s skills clearly arises directly from the depth of her experience and understanding of human relationships.
This work has been and continues to be a fascinating journey revealing and clarifying much about my inner self resulting in real and very positive change. I love the way she is able to call out my strengths and deepen my perception even when my emotional state or experience feels dark. She provides concrete, empowering insights and techniques which truly work, and always is empathic and supportive!
Jiveny has helped me understand that I needed to work on myself and improve certain areas of my life which I had pushed aside as ‘not important’. Working on these areas has helped me become a more confident person, removed some of my social anxiety and assisted me to step outside of my comfort zone.
Since working together, I have improved my flirting skills and general conversation skills. I have also recognised that most women want a man to take the first step and approach. Together we have worked on developing stronger leadership skills, better understanding women and growing my internal confidence. This has put me in a better position to find the right partner that will complement me in life and has made the dating process a lot easier.
Most of us have not learnt how to date ‘well’ or with clarity or intention. As they say: luck is not a strategy! Between therapy and talking about your dates with your friends, there is an important but untapped space. Jiveny fills this gap, empowering you to tackle the often confusing world of dating and relating with insight and intention. Her coaching equips you with a different kind of confidence and poise that comes from having a handle on some fundamental relationship truths and wisdom.
Now I don’t second guess my partner’s express interest, affection and devotion to me! I feel cherished and adored and cared for in my relationship. I am also getting more comfortable with letting my partner ‘lead’, though it’s still a work in progress! Most of all, I am confident that we are building a sustainable relationship that will carry us throughout our lives; that we are methodically exploring the right and important ‘big questions’ around values, goals and our life journey together.
Before working with Jiveny I had just come out of a 6-year relationship and was realising I didn’t want to repeat the same mistakes or be with that kind of person again. After working with Jiveny I experienced a major shift in my dating behaviour. I was much more able to identify partners that were not suitable for me and avoid them, as well as understand how to navigate dating better and really get to know a partner as we built the connection.
Best of all this journey has led me to a healthy, fulfilling relationship where I feel a new awareness and confidence! I know what I want and deserve in a partner and I am able to bring my best self to the relationship. I didn’t think it was truly possible to find this kind of relationship before working with Jiveny.
I was disillusioned with my dating life and seeking a long-term healthy relationship so I contacted Jiveny. From our very first session, I felt comfortable and excited to begin working with her.
Through our work, she helped me identify my barriers, clarify what I wanted in a partner and what a healthy relationship looked like. I was also able to identify the mistakes I had been making. This work has really helped me to developed much more confidence in dating and relationship and I was excited to put what we worked on into practice.
I am now in the best relationship I have ever had and excited for the future. I attribute this to the work I did with Jiveny. Whether you are in the dating world or in a relationship, I would not hesitate in recommending Jiveny. She has changed my life for the better, making me the happiest I’ve been in a long time.
*A stock photo has been used in this instance as the client needed to maintain his privacy.
Before working with Jiveny I was struggling with choosing the wrong men and navigating my insecurities. I wanted a serious, committed relationship but I often had trouble keeping guys interested or would wind up chasing them away. Other times, I would go for an easy guy who liked me (which was never very satisfying).
Since working together, I’ve noticed a huge shift in my mindset and approach to dating for the better. I’m much more able to manage my reactions and approach, allowing the guys I am interested in to come to me.
I’ve now met a great guy who is proactive in building a healthy relationship with me and who puts effort in to keep things fun and interesting. Even better he also takes an interest in personal development and makes open communication feel effortless and natural. Overall, I have been amazed with how much I have learnt and progressed and I cannot recommend Jiveny highly enough!
I found working with Jiveny was a valuable process of self discovery. It was helpful to learn the small things that can really make a difference in meeting someone as well as strategies to detach from the outcome of an interaction and be more present with women. The insights and exercises helped me to understand the sorts of things I'd done wrong in the past that most women aren't going to overlook.
Her female perspective was helpful because there are just some things we don't learn or pick up on along the way - sometimes someone actually needs to tell us directly. Also, while Jiveny's coaching is primarily focused on helping us to meet people and find that special someone, I found it also gave me a vehicle to figure out the sort of life I want to be living and how to be happy with or without a partner.
Before working with Jiveny I struggled to attract men who I was genuinely interested in; and whenever I managed to, I found it to be quite the challenge to hold their interest. It made me feel afraid and unworthy constantly; like I needed to prove my worth whenever I felt the other person was uninterested.
I craved to be part of a healthy, committed relationship without having to carry the baggage I’d collated over the years of my childhood. Jiveny has done wonders in showing me where my inner strength was hiding and I learned that it is possible for my wants and needs to be met in a relationship. I’m now 13 months into a new relationship that is healthy and fulfilling and I’d highly recommend Jiveny for anyone looking to refocus their minds and hearts.
I would definitely recommend Jiveny to anyone looking for support in their own journey of personal growth. I have found that working with her has made an astronomical difference to my dating life and the relationships I have with my work colleagues and family members.
I have always appreciated Jiveny's approach to understanding what I need and tailoring our sessions accordingly. Jiveny has also offered additional resources for those like me, who love to self learn. All in all, my work with Jiveny has fundamentally changed the way I view the world around me for the better.
Before working with Jiveny I had been meandering the online dating circuit for about 18 months with no real luck beyond a third date. Jiveny helped me to understand the destructive patterns I had created for myself and assisted me in developing a greater awareness of the ways in which I was self-sabotaging my love life.
Throughout our sessions together, I felt a genuine sense of care from Jiveny and never rushed. Her course materials and resources are fantastic and really helped me to get clear on what I want from a relationship and why. The best support has been in understanding the decisions I have made and how these have drawn the wrong kinds of people to me in the past. The tools she has given me to navigate dating and relationships are invaluable.
Best of all, I am now in a healthy long-term relationship with a wonderful man.
*A pseudonym and stock photo has been used in this instance as the client needed to maintain her privacy.
Jiveny gave me permission to speak openly about some of my deepest fears, anxieties, desires and dreams and was completely present with me as I talked. Her questions guided me to self-assess and reflect on my own beliefs and attitudes in ways that I had never considered before.
Through this, I discovered new ways to think about and overcome habitual thought patterns that had been preventing me from self-acceptance. Most of all, Jiveny helped me identify the deeper core feelings and unmet needs stopping me from living my life fully. After our coaching sessions I've felt a deeper sense clarity, confidence and a true sense of empowerment.
There is no decision that will have a greater impact on our lives than who we choose to give our heart to and share our emotional, parental and financial future with.
With divorce rates over 40 per cent in much of the world, it's clear many of us need some help in picking partners. In this informative and entertaining guide, unique father-daughter team, psychiatrist Dr George Blair-West and dating coach Jiveny Blair-West, unlock the science and the secrets to making the biggest decision of your life...