Disclaimer: All responses are general in nature, not specific relationship advice.

Hi Jiveny,

I wanted to know what’s the best way to put myself out there in dating? I have a HUGE fear of rejection and tend to not date or be the one asking out the guy because I’m too nervous I’m the one who will get hurt.

Thanks, Emma, 24

Hi Emma,

I understand the fear of rejection is a big one that we all struggle with.

It’s important to remember that this universal fear is never really going to go away completely, however, the trick is not to let it rule your life. And here’s a little secret: the more we practice putting ourselves out there the less ‘big and scary’ / overwhelming it will feel. Anxiety is largely a fear of the unknown and exposure is the only real antidote.

So, I suggest you start with putting yourself out there in your personal life as often as possible, while the stakes are low.

What I mean by that is making a habit of smiling at strangers and engaging in small talk with the people around you in your day to day life (those who you are not attracted to = low stakes). Practice your social skills and strive to bring the good vibes. The more radiant you can be, the more attractive you will be.

Once you get more comfortable with low stakes, you can do exactly the same things with people you are more attracted to. So often, it’s not about asking guys out. It’s about making a connection and creating interest so that they want to ask us out. This is seduction at its best.

To take this one step further with some more specific instructions, I suggest you check out our book How to Make the Biggest Decision of Your Life, particularly the chapter ‘Offline Dating in an Online World’.

With love,