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Knowing your attraction style can help you to play to your strengths when dating.
Hey, I'm Jiveny Blair-West an Australian Dating, Attraction & Relationship Coach. Want to navigate the modern dating scene with more clarity and insight? Then stick around, explore or click here to learn about working with me.
Here’s a question for you, dear reader…
Are you confident in your ability to tell an Fboy from a high quality man?
I ask because recently I’ve been watching the latest Australian season of F*Boy Island and if you haven’t heard of this before, let me give you a quick run-down of the plot…
It’s a reality TV show that takes 3 gorgeous young women, 12 self-proclaimed F*ck Boys and 12 Nice Guys and puts them on an island together.
Over the course of two and half weeks, these women have to date and figure out which guys are which.
And the plot thickens…
If the ladies choose one of the Nice Guys at the end of the 10-episode series, they get to split $50,000 with him (and potentially ride off into the sunset together).
BUT, if they choose an F*Boy he gets to cut and run with ALL the money!
Not all “Nice Guys” are High Quality Men, which becomes clearer and clearer as the show unfolds.
What shocked and frustrated me throughout was just how painfully bad these relatively likeable and smart women seem to be at discerning between the two.
Which got me thinking about how I’d approach such a challenge…
Now I had many, MANY thoughts around this running through my head as I watched the show, but to keep things simple (this is only a blog post after all!) here are my top 3 ways to tell an FBoy from a High Quality Man:
They can be very good at creating short-term chemistry quickly by making you feel special for a moment and leaving you wanting more. In short, they’ve had enough practice to know what they are doing!
Sadly many of the nice guys were eliminated early in the show because they tended to hang back and have a gentler approach towards the women. This is in line with why many happily married women tend to describe their early courtship as a ‘slow burn’ as it took time for them to get to know and fully see the high quality traits of their future husband.
This is also why intense feelings of infatuation from the beginning could indicate an Fboy red flag!
This means they either haven’t had many committed long-term relationships to speak of (ideally by the age of 27 they will have had at least one or two relationships that lasted 2 years or longer) or they’ve had a bunch of short-term relationships and don’t take much responsibility for why it didn’t work out. For example, they’ll say it didn’t work out because “She was crazy and got jealous a lot.” This is why it’s SO important to ask a potential partner about their relationship history.
*Note: While we don’t suggest doing this in the first 3 dates (unless you’re on a game show playing for cash) this will ultimately give you important intel as to how capable they are of investing in a committed relationship. And sure, FBoys are known to lie, so you sorta have to read between the lines… Which leads us to the third and perhaps most important way of spotting an FBoy:
As a result, things tend to get sexual quite quickly. On the flipside, the most surefire way to tell an FBoy from the real deal is by taking things slow.
But how fast is too fast? And how slow is too slow!?
This is exactly why we created our new mini-course, The Slow Dating Movement: Dating Slow to Find True Love Fast
In this concise but powerful training, you’ll learn how to take a step back, consider what you really want in a life partner, and navigate the delicate early stages of dating through to building a healthy, lasting relationship.
From First Dates through to becoming Deeply Committed, we’ll talk you through each stage of relationship building step-by-step so you can find true love, avoid unnecessary-heartbreak, and approach modern dating with confidence.
💬 “In the current fast-paced swipe culture, the Slow Dating Movement is what the world needs right now! Applying this process to my dating life has worked well for me and as a result, I’m now in a relationship and happily in love!”
— Kimberley, 37
💬 “As a guy, most dating advice I have seen tends to focus on casual dating, hook-ups, one night stands, etc. – Perfect for those looking for a hook-up, but since I am dating for love, I wanted some more nuanced advice instead. This is where The Slow Dating Movement differs! It helped me to figure out if I am moving too quickly or too slowly when it comes to seeing someone with the intention of a long-term relationship. I like that the advice given is solid and not cheesy. I particularly found the sections on Mindset and First Dates to be very useful.”
— Kelvin, 28
💬 “Having this program on your side means that you don’t feel alone. It’s practical, to the point and very-of-the-moment, with bite-sized dating advice that I can continue to return to as my relationship progresses. I particularly found the ‘Deeply Committed’ section very helpful in showing me how to keep moving things forward with my boyfriend.”
— Christie, 37
Understanding your primary dating archetype takes you closer to truly understanding the dynamics of attraction, improving your relationship skills, and expanding your opportunities to find a great partner!
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Co-author of 'How to Make the Biggest Decision of Your Life' and online dating, attraction & relationship coach committed to helping you attract a healthy, sustainable and passionate relationship.