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Hey, I'm Jiveny Blair-West an Australian Dating, Attraction & Relationship Coach. Want to navigate the modern dating scene with more clarity and insight? Then stick around, explore or click here to learn about working with me.
The most important relationship we will ever have in life is the one we have with ourselves. Yep, that might sound clichéd but it’s a cliché for a reason. Because it’s true.
Yet so often we run from ourselves, reaching for the next distraction, afraid to face ourselves in the mirror in case we don’t like what we see.
It is common for people to describe themselves as their own harshest critic as many of us mentally lacerate ourselves on a day to day basis.
So when I talk of having a good, kind and loving relationship with ourselves, I understand it might seem foreign or unobtainable to some. All the more reason to put some energy and focus into this area of your life.
The first insight to understand is that cultivating a healthy and enjoyable relationship with ourselves is exactly the same as building a meaningful friendship with any other human being.
It has to start with curiosity, kindness and presence.
A willingness to peel back the layers without judgement and discover the multifaceted personality beneath.
It means letting go of perfectionistic goals and truly getting to know the human who is doing their best to function in this chaotic modern world.
And it only deepens with investment.
This means *making* the time to connect and show up for ourselves on a regular basis and being there for ourselves when we say that we will.
Take note of how easily we can destroy a friendship with another person…
If we show up with judgment and a mean attitude, that potential friend won’t likely stick around us long, let alone truly open up.
If we belittle emotions and shame and blame, that potential friend won’t likely feel safe to confide in us.
If we regularly flake on plans to connect and go deeper, that potential friend will likely feel unvalued and disrespected and give up on trying to reschedule as the pattern continues. If we regularly put other people’s needs before the needs of this relationship then that potential friend will likely give up on us.
If we agree to wake up early to go for a run but then wind up hitting the snooze button come 6am then that potential friend will likely feel stood up.
These are just some examples that you can flip around and learn from.
There are so many layers to our relationship with ourselves and it takes a lifetime to fully explore them all. But I can guarantee if you invest in and commit to developing a deep and meaningful friendship with yourself, you’ll unlock one of the most satisfying, interesting and important relationships of your life.
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Co-author of 'How to Make the Biggest Decision of Your Life' and online dating, attraction & relationship coach committed to helping you attract a healthy, sustainable and passionate relationship.