Imagine you meet a guy you really like… You go on a date or two and feel excited about the potential. Then, things start to slow down. Maybe he’s busy with work, goes on holiday, or becomes a little slack in replying to your texts—rude, I know!

Suddenly, you start questioning everything. Was I reading things wrong? Did I do something to put him off? Has he met someone better than me?

WTF! Right?

You know you shouldn’t, but you can’t resist the anxious impulse to text him for clarity.

We’ve all been there. And we know how that usually plays out…

Here’s where I want to introduce you to a powerful practice:

Asking yourself, “How can I make the worst-case scenario absolutely okay?”

Too often, we make decisions out of panic or fear. We think we see the writing on the wall and act impulsively to escape the uncertainty.

This can happen in any area of life, not just dating. But if you can master this practice, you’ll save yourself a lot of unnecessary heartache and open the door to new opportunities.

So, what if you found a way to make the worst-case scenario actually okay?

Making it ‘okay’ doesn’t mean you’re resigning yourself to an unsatisfying outcome. It’s simply a stage you need to move through in order to reset your nervous system and make better decisions that aren’t driven by fear.

So what if instead of making yourself wrong and buying into the nasty little voice that tells you you’re an unloveable failure destined to be alone, you instead found a way to feel absolutely okay with never hearing from this guy again—even though you liked him and saw potential. 

If that were the case, how might you respond to his sudden silence differently?

Chances are, you’d let it be.

Let it be.

Three simple words of wisdom that continue to echo throughout the ages.

In a world that glorifies taking action, letting things be is a radical choice.

And here’s how it applies to your dating life…

Sometimes, on an unconscious level, men test women in this way: they want a meaningful relationship and understand it can’t come from control. On a deeper level, they want to feel free to be themselves and trusted to make honorable decisions.

So, they take space.

And how you respond in those moments says everything.

It shows how secure you are in yourself. And honestly, what’s more attractive than someone who is grounded and unshaken by uncertainty?

Training yourself to be okay with the worst-case scenario builds this security. It helps you realize that even your greatest fears can’t truly harm you. Through this practice, you’ll find a part of yourself that’s solid, grounded, and resilient—capable of withstanding more than you might imagine.

​​When you let go of control, you free yourself from self-fulfilling prophecies and cycles of disappointment.

Personally I’ve found, more often than not, that when I’m willing to look my greatest fears in the eye, they dissipate. What once seemed overwhelming suddenly becomes more manageable—or even irrelevant.

This practice rewires your nervous system to handle uncertainty and allows you to consciously rewrite the story you’re telling yourself.

Because, honestly, if there is one skill you need to develop that is going to improve your relationships forever more its this: 

Getting comfortable with uncertainty. 

AKA walking yourself through the unknown as you guide yourself to face your fears with trust that you will not only survive, but thrive on the other side.

And it’s not just a relationship skill—it’s a life skill. So much of life is uncertain, and the better you can navigate the unknown, the more ease and success you’ll experience.

However it particularly improves your relationships because so much of the dysfunction and pain we create and experience in this area of life comes from trying to avoid pain and counteract uncertainty.

This can lead us to force and manipulate situations and tends to be an unconscious impulse that may take time for you to recognise in your own life. And yet so often the more we enforce our own will, the more it backfires. 

It’s like those time-travel movies where people try to change the past, only to make things worse!

And in case you’re thinking, that’s all well and good for you to say Jiveny – you’re married, you’re loved. But its f***ing lonely out here on the frontier! I want to say this is a recurring theme in all our lives. It’s literally universal. 

Right now I’m facing my own fear that I may never be able to carry a pregnancy to term. And I’m applying this same principle – How can I make that absolutely okay for myself? 

Like, if that’s what life has in store for me, I’ll find peace with it.

But I’m not giving up hope—I still hold the vision of birthing and raising two beautiful children.

And it’s exactly your ability to walk with this duality–holding space for your deepest desires to come true while simultaneously being okay with any outcome–that gives you your power back. 

In Chinese Taoist philosophy there is this concept of wu-wei which means ’non-action’ or effortless action. 

This principle recognises how we often have a tendency to get in our own way and block the natural flow of things with unnecessary interventions.

Instead, wu-wei invites us to trust that things are working out just fine, and that by aligning ourselves with our intention and the natural flow of things we can achieve more by doing less.

I find myself thinking about this a lot. 

And the more I lean into it, I’ve found the better things flow.

To be clear, wu-wei isn’t about doing nothing. It’s about acting with a soft, light touch. I’ll still ask for what I want and follow up when needed, but before doing so I pause and ask:

1. Is this action motivated by faith or fear?
   
2. What could it look like to get my desired outcome with as little effort as possible?

Bringing this back to dating, so much of it is about your own inner game of trusting that what you want wants you too. And you don’t have to bend over backwards to make it happen. 

If anything you need to learn to trust the moment a little more. 

There is a profound power in trusting that where you are right now is exactly where you’re meant to be.

Sure there will be skills you need to develop and actions you do need to take, but first and foremost it’s about acting from a place of clarity and calm rather than pressure and panic. 

And reminding yourself with love and compassion, that what goes by you, was not for you.

XO

Jiveny

P.S. Happy 2025! Thinking about hiring a dating coach this year? The industry has exploded recently—thanks, TikTok—but not every “expert” is worth your time (or money). Before you dive in, check out our latest blog post: What to consider before hiring a dating coach. It’ll help you sift through the noise and find the right coach for you.