LESS EGO / MORE SOUL

I will put myself out there to meet new people and have new experiences.

I will not compromise my desires for anyone or anything else unnecessarily.

I will be honest and kind always. I will justify sparingly.

I will be generous, I will love, I will share, I will give.

I will seek new challenges everyday, pushing myself to express creatively on a regular basis.

I will use this as an opportunity to discover and redefine myself as an individual.

I will not be afraid to be myself.

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Bon voyage Brisbane, I’m off to play with the rest of the world. The possibilities are endless.

I do my thing, and you do your thing. I am not in this world to live up to your expectations, and you are not in this world to live up to mine. You are you, and I am I, and if by chance we find each other, it’s beautiful.
Frederick E. Perl

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I think asking yourself ‘would I’ rather than ‘should I’ is a much more honest approach to life. Everyone does things that they think they shouldn’t; who sets the standards of what is ‘acceptable’ anyway? ‘Should’ is mildly irrelevant to say the least. ‘Would’ is the raw truth. It’s liberating. It’s comfort in you’re individuality. It’s asking of yourself to be you, not what others want of you or expect of you.

New Rule:

Instead of making plans like

“Tomorrow I will…”

or

“One day I will…”

or

“‘I’d really like to…” etc.

Plans begin from the moment they are dreamed up.

As in right NOW.

BOOM!!

Yes really, every time.

I love Ryan McGinley and the freedom he manages to capture in his images. Hands down there is not an artist out there I relate to more.

Upon research, what I really love about his work is not only the depiction of a life of freedom but the authenticity his images portray. He lives his art and so his pictures are real. This excerpt from a great little article I read on him called Ryan McGinley: An Accessible Eden sums his work up nicely.

‘The subjects are young, kind of beautiful and romantically reckless. They carry names…but we don’t know  anything about them. They exist in a halo-world of light and beauty, like models in and editorial ad spread. Only, they get to do what those models only hint at doing. They get fucked up and have sex and fight and lie out on the desert sand, naked. They bungee jump and skinny dip in rivers and streams. Nothing comes between them and the great outdoors. Guilt and shame are [simply] erased.”

From looking at Bohemia – for a fine arts assignment I recently did – I researched many artists like McGinley. I found their comfort as individuals so interesting and their whole crazy world so fascinating. But probably the most rewarding thought I got out of it all was this:

That our personal preferences should be presented as fact. Not an argument.

For what is there to argue really? You either like something or you don’t – it’s a personal, intrinsic thing. Yet sadly, we are often called upon to justify ourselves, our choices and present a socially acceptable answer.

Most of the time, we don’t know how to put the why into words, so we have to get creative – make some bullshit up about why X is the new black. I suppose this can in part, be attributed to the tendency to generalize in western society – the whole ‘one size fits all’ approach to the masses.

We are lazy, and so our society is constructed to allow us to think less. We do things based on external cues rather than internal ones and this can be seen in almost any activity. We have laws that tell us ‘right’ from ‘wrong’ to stop us from having to consider the implications of our actions too deeply. We are even told what we should feel in given situations.

This suppression of the individual is limiting and misleading and this is exactly what governs our insecurities. I remember when I was younger I loved to dance, until someone told me that I danced like an idiot. For the couple of years after that I was always too shy dancing in public – despite how the music was making me feel. Dancing is such a joyous expression – there shouldn’t be any right or wrong way to do it.

In this way, society has also taught us to miss, regret and love the things we cant have. It leads us to ignore our true instinct. What I have learnt over the years is how right my initial thought always is. From little decisions like the food I feel like now to bigger insights like my feelings about another person – it has taken me this long to realize that my initial thought is often right – for me anyway.

I’l give you a common example – past relationships.

So say, I passed up on a really great guy because I knew that essentially ‘he’s just not my type’. I didn’t want to screw him around so I just stopped seeing him. But then, give it a few weeks of him being unavailable and I begin debating whether or not I have missed out on something. I will make myself believe that I had made a mistake only to realize, that the next time I see him I can instantly realize how right I was to begin with – that he is indeed not right for me and although a great guy, I would be wasting my time exploring the possibility of a relationship further. Some people think I am crazy and think I should just take a chance with him, but the truth is I simply know myself too well/.

Now we also need to understand that in this situation, whether or not someone else likes you is not a true reflection of whether or not you are a good person. All it is is a reflection of compatibility. You can have great people who just don’t go together as more than friends.

Can you imagine how much time you would save if you were able to let go of all society has ‘taught’ us and found the ability to use your own, individual instincts as a guide? Imagine how you would stop questioning yourself – worrying if or why your preferences are not the same as your peers. You would be able to see that you are not strange for being different and in turn you’d find more satisfaction in your life as you would be living for you. Insecurity would decrease dramatically;  we would all be happier people.

There is so much more love in truth than meets the eye. That is, truth that is not followed by justification – because justification is misleading. I was considering the other day how to define the two and this is what I came up with:

Truth – You tell it like it is, you may talk about your own honest thoughts in what lead to your decision but you don’t sugar coat it.

Justification – When we mold our environmental circumstances into bullshit that ‘supports’ our argument.

Justification is excuses while truth owns responsibility. The fact is, that  when it comes down to it: you are what you are and it is what it is; you did what you did and they feel what they feel.

Justification is all about ego. It does nothing for either party of conflict. It waters things down and hides the truth, when all our soul really wants to do is put the truth out there.

Speaking to N tonight about ‘shit’ she told me the truth and I told the truth back. Even though she was upset about life, I told her my views and I found it to be so much more rewarding knowing that I had given her something to truly contemplate as justification just leads people off in the wrong direction.

Fear lies in justification – we justify because we are afraid of not being liked any longer because we did something ‘wrong’.

In summary, justification is the long road to what we desire.

Caught up with Chris Raine, the other night – the founder of Hello Sunday Morning; a blog that explores young people’s relationships to alcohol and binge drinking.

I thought I’d take a moment here to share my own experiences with alcohol here, because I really feel that it would be good if people were more open about such things. As came up in a conversation the other night, drinking is something that is just done – and rarely talked about. So here goes…

During my ‘rebellious’ former years – say aged 14-17 I was a pretty heavy drinker. Reasons? Mostly for confidence, to meet peer-pressures, boredom, risk-chasing etc. Also feeling lost in who I was as a person. I felt that when I drank nothing mattered; I could forget about all my worries.

Also, I was almost proud of being such a heavy drinker – being able to keep up with the boys, even being considered one of them. I have always gotten on better with guys, so I guess being able to drink with them made me feel accepted – even special.

There were also other dark issues that I just wanted to ‘escape’ from. And then there’s the times when I was just bored in social situations so I took it upon myself to ‘liven things up’ in being the drunk one – I would always look back on the previous night and laugh at myself, I really didn’t give  a shit.

One of the common stories that came up in our discussion last night was this whole introduction to the drinking culture where we learn throughout high school to:

1)  To consume alcohol out of sight of our parents – so often a lot in a short amount of time and with limited understanding of the effects or even measurement of a standard drink.

2) That the aim of the game is to get drunk – I’ve found that many of my peers still have this relationship to alcohol where when you drink you get drunk: there is no such thing as ‘just a few’.

3) That getting drunk is ‘fun’ and you should do it every chance you get – at least every weekend

It is this kind of introduction that conditions us to believe that alcohol is the ‘shit’ and getting drunk every weekend is a good way to make the most of our youth. We are also introduced to this culture at an increasingly young age so in terms of being an adult now; many of us have yet to experience a clear-headed Sunday morning. Let alone experience and understand the health benefits of taking a break from excessive drinking.

I’ve found that most probably due to my early heavy experimentation with alcohol I’ve pretty much ‘grown out’ of the whole binge-drinking culture now. Or maybe, ‘tired of it’ is a better phrase to use as what I really mean to say is that I’m over it, but still trying to find a way to distance myself from it.

Now don’t get me wrong – I’m not preaching sobriety; I still dig a good drink – just not to the extent of a hangover tomorrow.

It’s annoying when I go out with friends and they begin to ‘worry’ that I’m not drinking enough. I’m really quite content on 1-3 glasses of wine but I think people feel threatened by those who drink less. Usually this is followed by people shouting me drinks, as they seem to be under the impression that I am not having as much fun as them and that more drinks is of course the answer.

[I do have to admit, that when I was in high-school and at parties with people drinking less then me I would often coerce them into drinking more with me. I think I didn't want them to see me drunk with their sober eyes because a part of me knew how much of a tosser I was while drunk...and if they were drunk too, they wouldn't realize?]

I thought it was pretty insightful when I mentioned some of these issues to my younger brother and he compared it to being a vegetarian. He’s not Veg, but he could see the social implications of it. On one-level people can interpret it as a positive thing, but then the ego gets in the way and causes them to feel threatened – maybe they fear that they wouldn’t have the self-discipline to ‘deprive’ themselves of such things. (Note I use the term ‘deprive’ sarcastically. Never deprive yourself of anything. Just take the time to consider what things in your life you want – compared to that which conventional society dictates you should have).

Now I’m not at all disapproving of meat-eating or heavy drinking. I am a strong believer of ‘each to their own’ and I would hope that each and every individual on this planet would chase whatever felt good for them. What I don’t like however, is when social-norms get in the way of people pursuing their personal desires –  e.g when people feel like they have to drink to excess when they would rather not…

Anyway there is defiantly a part two in the works on this subject, but I’m going to leave it at that for tonight and finish up by plugging Chris’s own blog – ‘Hello Sunday Morning’ because I think what he is doing is such a positive thing – 1 year of sobriety and soul-bearing blogging of his own self-reflection in the process. This is such a positive step forward and  the dude nails it with such beautiful intimacy as he explores many issues that cause us to binge drink.

I just wanted to put out there a collection of thoughts (some my own, some others) that I feel are really great reminders of how life should be lived… Enjoy.

The questions that should always be asked:

• What is the highest choice?
• What did you learn today?
• What did that person teach you?

“Our lives are made rich by reaching out to others, not by surrounding ourselves with a boundary of no.” (Pleasure, an Almanac for the Heart)

Live with confidence and joy – When life gets hard, laugh and smile.

Listen to your heart, let go, allow the universe to guide you and enjoy the dignity in walking away. (Pleasure, an Almanac for the Heart)

Act with spontaneous, joyous generosity, aim to never say a bad thing about another. (Pleasure, an Almanac for the Heart)

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent” – Eleanor Rosevelt

Surround yourself by people who make you feel good

“To be truly free, you have to forget about what others think of you” (Pleasure, an Almanac for the Heart)

Want people. Don’t need them.

Celebrate sexuality freely; everything you do should be for you. Sex is not dirty.

To live life without expectation – without the need for specific results is freedom. All goods can be yours and all goods belong to the world. Nothing is ever lost. (Neale Donald Walsch – CWG) 

“You miss 100 percent of the shots that you don’t take.” Fear nothing. (Bob Isherwood)

You underestimate yourself, your beauty, your image to the world.

Speak with confidence – articulate your words, stand tall and follow your instincts. Give people more to read. If you are true to yourself, that is able to speak your personal truths “quietly but clearly”, even if people do not agree with you, they will respect and admire your honesty and openness.

Its OKAY to change your mind.

suffering is always the result of what we feel we have lost. (Neal Donald Walsch CWG)

Share your ideas with generosity & warmth, express yourself, use every opportunity to create and display to the world Who You Are. Never regret or feel guilty. Put yourself out there without fear of other’s reaction. You don’t need to “be” anything and you don’t need to justify your actions.

For, can you think of a better way to live?