LESS EGO / MORE SOUL

I wish I was blogging here more, however, I am currently working on a book and enjoying some down time with my parents. Plus, the last few months I’ve been traveling around Central America, immersing myself in the moment, seeing beautiful places and spending time with even more beautiful people.

Anyway, in the interim, I thought I’d share this poem I wrote at burning man last year with you.

I am the beauty.

The more beauty I see

the more beauty comes to me.

We find each other

when our eyes are equally open

and our minds equally ready

to accept all the beauty,

wonder and grace that we are.

Generosity is the only way to express

this gratitude that permeates all that is,

shedding light on what it means

to be alive

and witness us.

Last week I shared with youDavid Deida’s metaphor of the stained glass window.

Running with this theme, I’d like to explore with you how this theory can be really useful when applied to our relationships as a form of “energetic yoga”.

But first, it’s important to get a grip on the illusions and delusions we tend to fancy ourselves with when new relationships are manifesting.

For example, how many times have you found yourself placing a potential lover on a pedestal?

I know I have. I’ll catch myself thinking things like he’s so beautiful, perfect – whatever – while me…well, I’m probably not his type.

In this mindset I watch myself become small as I try to remain incognito, avoiding eye contact etcetera. I tell myself that when I am “fixed” I can be with someone like him, but until then, I have a lot of work to do.

I think it’s pretty common to put potential lovers on a pedestal like this, neglecting to recognize that while they may be beautiful, fascinating and appear confident – they are just like you and I – human, with their own fears, flaws and insecurities.

As the saying goes:

The biggest mistake we can make is to compare our own insides with another’s outsides.

We ALL doubt ourselves from time to time. No one is flawless and as long as we are living and breathing, we all generally seek to evolve and grow beyond our present state. This is life’s innate beauty – it’s strange and imperfect, and somehow incredibly endearing.

Knowing this, Deida’s notion of “spiritual practice” can be a very liberating tool as we allow ourselves to share in the humour of our varied forms – as we are.

Here, the trick to relating with one another is not to untangle one’s self completely. But rather, to find a way to project the knowing I am light through every cell of one’s own contorted shape as a gentle invitation from one human being to another.  This is a particularly useful practice during those moments where one may not feel so strong, interesting or beautiful

It’s kind of like psychically saying “Okay, I’m not perfect, and chances are you aren’t either, but despite my flaws, I am also fucking brilliant and I got a lotta love to give – do you want some?”

I am incredibly curious about this kind of “energetic yoga” which I have found to be so mysteriously effective in attracting – not just the opposite sex, but new friends, mentors and experiences.

Know this, there is beauty in dysfunction and attraction in acceptance.

Passion by =lucid-light

I’ve been falling in love with the cosmic teachings of David Deida all over again. If you’re not familiar with his work as the shaman of romance, then get familiar here.

One message that particularly sticks out in my mind is his metaphor of the human condition using the analogy of a stained-glass window. Here, Deida describes the differences between therapy, yoga and spiritual practice.

Allow me to walk you through it.

Imagine that you are a stained glass window, and as you come into consciousness, you look down upon yourself as you try to determine what you really are.

Now, unfortunately from this limited perspective, you can’t see the whole beauty of your form. Instead you find yourself focusing on all of the mismatched shards of glass – some with cracks and gaping wholes. As you examine yourself you come to the conclusion “oh-no! I’m broken…” and with this realization, the ego leads you to believe that you need this or that to be better, whole and complete.

This is the definition of therapy, where we look at ourselves critically with a view to “replace the glass” by learning the psychological skills needed to better function in our society. Of course, therapy is a completely valid viewpoint and an important journey to take as we each endeavor to evolve and grow into the highest expression of our human potential. However, it is also important to remember that this is not the whole picture, nor the ultimate solution to one’s suffering.

In contrast, yoga is more like “wiping the dust off the glass”. It is an art form. [And how often does great art arise form the twisted and chaotic?] Rather than seeking to fix the parts of you that are “broken”, yoga demonstrates how to move energy through form, so that we may flow with life more easily. In truth, one can be entirely dysfunctional psychologically, and still do good yoga (and many yogis are).

Finally, spiritual practice can be summarized as realizing that you are both the stained glass window AND the light that shines through it. In these moments of enlightenment there is very little motivation to “fix” yourself. One can be contorted, broken, blocked and flawed and still realize that they are essentially light – and that is a humbling notion.

This third point of view is an incredibly powerful tool, as it allows us to stop putting life on hold, hiding behind the excuses of “I’m not ready yet” or “once I have this, I will be enough”.

As we learn to identify with the bigger picture – embracing the full glory of our being, flaws ‘n’ all, we can begin to live the life we have always dreamed of NOW, whilst simultaneously embarking upon our therapeutic journey.

I’ve been thinking a lot about the wisdom of trees lately. My experiences in working with Ayahuasca only confirmed my long-time suspicion that within each plant lies a sentient being.

To me, they represent one of the purest states of consciousness, remaining so still and open energetically, as if in a constant state of zen meditation.

In a previous post I used the metaphor of an apple tree as being the epitome of unconditional love. It bears it’s fruit so generously without expectation or concern for who or how it is consumed.

Recently I was standing at the edge of a forest, admiring nature’s wild beauty when four colourful parrots flew over my head and landed in a nearby tree. They were gorgeous creatures of red and blue feathers and I considered how cool it would be to have them come to me. I stood there meditating, connecting with them for a few moments, setting my intention. When the time was right, they flew toward me, but all I could do was flinch, duck and laugh at myself.

I can only begin to imagine what it would be like to be as energetically open as a tree.

One of the many lessons nature has taught me along my journey is that one of the keys to life is to make others feel welcome – particularly through sharing.

Tarot talks about the wisdom of being the fool – to be open and open and still open to life, no matter the potential for pain and suffering. This allows one to maintain the innocence and fearless enchantment of a child.

In my mind, trees demonstrate this beautifully as the forest shares everything – it is open and open and still open like a fool. Friend or foe, a plant does not show any fear – whether its approached by a tree-hugging hippy, or a ferocious chainsaw. It stands before both, radiating isness as if to say simply: “I am, until I am not.”

At times we might fear the dangers of the outside world, but despite it all, trees stand strong and tend to live long. Their resilience to the fear mentality that imbues our human condition inspires me, reminding me of the world I knew in my younger days, where fear was no thing and the possibilities of what I could do and create with my life were limitless.

…

A friend of mine once pointed out to me, “you know all they want is your appreciation” and so I make a point to give it to them. They give us so much after all – food, shade, oxygen, and if you are willing to listen (as they whisper ever so softly) wisdom.

In many ways life is just one big Ayahuasca ceremony – full of teachers and friends, confrontation and contrast, beauty and ugliness, fear and love, pleasure and pain.

A common saying in the Aya world is:

“Ayahuasca might not give you what you want, but she will always give you what you need”

I feel like this works just as well when we look at Life’s, often mysterious, unfolding.

These words remind us to let go of how we think things should be and surrender and explore ourselves based on what Life is offering us.

Often, it is at the point of surrender that we find ourselves pleasantly surprised. Otherwise we’re just swimming upstream, desperately attempting to cling to things as we fear the uncertainty that awaits. It’s exhausting, so I think I’d much rather let go and enjoy the ride.

But I have been learning and thinking a lot about what it means to “surrender” lately…

Firstly, that it’s not about doing nothing and just expecting life to take you somewhere nice. Nope. You do need to have some kind of clarity about what you wish to experience in life.

The art of surrender is to get good at making decisions and taking responsibility for the who, what and why of you, while letting go of the need to control the when, where and how.

Learn to do this comfortably, and you’ll find that Life is pretty good at orchestrating the latter for you.  And if you can just let go of your expectations of how you think things should be, you’ll find yourself laughing more and suffering less.

Secondly, it’s about opening your eyes and learning to recognize and interpret the messages and opportunities that surround us in every moment.

There’s an old joke about a man stuck in the rapids of a rushing river.

Arms flailing in a desperate attempt to keep his head above the water, he prays to God “please save me”.

Seconds later a log floats by. The man continues to thrash and pray. He sees the log, but decides not to grab a hold, trusting that God will save him.

Moments later, a boat comes by and invites him to jump aboard, but the man refuses any help, adamant that God will save him.

Just as the man begins to lose his energy, a hot babe rides by on a jetski and pulls up alongside inviting him to jump on. The man refuses stating “No thank you, I know God will save me.”

Eventually the man drowns and when he arrives in heaven, he asked God, annoyed, “Why didn’t you come and save me?”

“What do you mean?” God replies. “I sent you a log, a boat and a babe on a jetski!”

Acknowledge the state of your physical body (the sacred vessel of your spirit) as a symbolic sculpture of the life you lead.

If you love your life then why not worship your body – whatever its size, whatever its shape?

Regardless of where it fits in cotrast to society’s view of beauty and ideals, if life feels good then change your perceptions to embrace its unique perfection.

And, if life feels bad change your existence – not to meet the expectations of others, or emulate what is sold as a valuable depiction of “success”.

No, change it to meet your soul’s yearning for love, for connection, for joy, for contentment, for exploration, for thrills and  for memories of delicious moments well spent.

Because life is supposed to feel good and who could ever definitively judge what a feeling looks like?

We tell ourselves lies: “if only I was ______, then I could be happy.”

Recognise that your quality of life would actually be no better; albeit perhaps a little less weighed down by your crying consciousness and the judgement that governs these lies.

When you were a child you never thought this way.

You’ve been conditioned to believe that you are not enough and after so many years you’re now using these lies as excuses; because you would find it too uncomfortable to actually cross the finish line.

What would you do with all that power; with all that responsibility?

Ignore the lies and focus on being happy first. Then decide if what you wanted was really ever that important.

I had had enough of the world today. I was on my way to somewhere I was ‘meant to be’ when I got distracted and ended up stuck on the highway long past my turn-off.

It didn’t matter. I took it as an opportunity to do something new. And so I turned off the main roads and into the bushland.

I parked at the base of a walking track and, barefoot, wondered up the path. I went less then a 100 metres before thinking ‘fuck it’ and strayed off the beaten track.

I walked for hours through nature; not knowing where I was and not knowing where I was going. I could feel the raw earth beneath my feet. Stabbed by stones and twigs between my toes, slipping on the damp leaves. I smiled. This is how it’s meant to be.

I walked that way for answers; confused whith where I was at in life. Burdened by expectations and responsibility. Over over-thinking.

And so I listened to the trees,
the birds and the bees.

Found it funny how my body would stop before my eyes had even registered that I was about to walk into a spider’s web.

I walked around, up and down, thinking about this:

We humans think we want to live without fear and so we attempt to control risk by creating order. We are encouraged to follow this order through exaggerated fear of the unknown. It’s why we create specific paths through the forest – laying down our cement. Paths we feel safe on because our fellow man has removed true nature at our convenience. And so we don’t trust nature because we don’t understand it.

I also came to realize that you can become immobilized and overwhelmed when faced with making a ‘serious’ decision as often we see our choices as limited to walking away or walking forward. In those instances I say listen to your gut, your instincts and intuition. But there is also a third option, available in any moment. That is to stop, be still, observe and appreciate the beauty that surrounds you.

Forget about ‘the reality of your situation’ and just be.

Savour this moment. It is all for you. Sure there will be more. But more is inefficient and wasted if you can’t be present now.