LESS EGO / MORE SOUL

So I’ve returned to Amazonia and I’m loving jungle life. One thing that I am really curious about here is the shamanic paradigm of superstition that surfaces here in the context of shamanic work. Here, one must be careful in choosing who to work with as there are many stories of fake shamans and brujos (dark sorcerers) taking advantage of people with black magic.

This got me thinking a lot a about what white and black magic actually is…

In my mind, the difference between “white” and “black” magic is simple:

Black magic almost always asks one to prove themselves – to sacrifice something as an offering. To recognize the “great power” of external forces and kiss their feet. Often this requires precise, complicated rituals – and a lot of dogma.

In contrast, white magic asks one to prove nothing. It works on the assumption that we are all worthy of alchemy as we are all one. Of course there is still ritual, but it is born out of a desire to show respect and gratitude to the magic at work. Like the gift economy of the old world, one does not have to sacrifice anything to make an exchange. Rather, there is a sense of karmic knowing that there are no debts.

For example, if I give you something, you might not be able to give me something in return right away, but you might give X something (s)he needs tomorrow and a week later, I might need something from X. In this way, the exchange takes on a circulatory formation.

Recognizing this, I see self-doubt to be a form of black magic, that is conditioned throughout our modern society as an effort to keep us locked in our sub-human form. This program works on the premise that one needs to prove oneself to be successful.

From my personal knowledge, I know that it is totally possible to succeed without the experience deemed necessary to confirm talent or skill. We humans are amazing creatures, with an even greater untapped potential.

As I look around at my own reality, I can already see clues eluding to my full potential as a cosmic human being. I watch my thoughts noticeably influence my reality – almost instantaneously. However, I can also see this self-doubt program of unworthiness runs very deep in both my own, and the collective consciousness. This self doubt is a powerful spell that encourages me to second-guess myself, resulting in a sense of  unworthiness when invited to reclaim my full potential – often on a subconscious level.

It’s time to break free.

As David Wolfe notes, “many people think limited, negative thoughts because they think they have to.”

To reclaim one’s true self, in any moment two questions should be asked:

1) Who is my highest and best self?

2) Are my choices in this present moment a true reflection of this image?

By contemplating this, I give myself permission to myself to authentically express the full essence of my being.

As my friend Ray Nedziak, once wrote in a poem:

“We have wings to spread and the urgent terrain of fear to cross.”

My body is a blank canvas.

Language is the paint and my mind is the artist.

Animals, plants and objects may be art but language is not their medium.

They are more like sculptures, as my words have no effect on them.

In contrast, language has the power to influence my own form dramatically.

I am who I think I am (or perhaps even more accurately at times, who I fear I am) as my words and actions manifest my thoughts.

In lieu of this, I’ve been thinking about how my own self-doubt is the only thing that separates me from those who I feel inferior to, or inspired by.

Sadly, I tend to augment my own self-doubt with the language I use to define my perspective.

It has been said that life mimics art just as art mimics life. In every moment, conscious or dreaming, we’re telling ourselves a story, and the stories we tell ourselves develop our character. In short, we’re writing our reality and it all starts with the language we use.

Delving a little deeper, I’ve observed how commonly we refer to ourselves in the third person when speaking of our own thoughts and feelings (I’m doing it right now in fact).

It’s a curious thing…

In NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming), psychologists explain the importance of using “I statements” when expressing oneself. That is, using I instead of we. For example, I should say: “I’ve observed how I commonly refer to myself in the third person when speaking of my own thoughts and feelings”.

I statements force the speaker to take responsibility for their own perspective rather than attempting to suppress and disguise it as a collective issue or agreement. This negligence of responsibility inhibits real change in the name of fearless self-development as we program ourselves to think that our issues are not really ours (when they are). After all, change starts with the individual.

Granted, there are collective issues and agreements that pervade our reality, where it is entirely acceptable to speak in third. However, let us consider how speaking in third person limits the human experience.

When I take responsibility for myself through conscious speech (using I statements) I liberate my being as I validate my own personal point of view. In contrast, when speaking in third person, I neglect to own my thoughts and feelings, sending the sub-conscious message that its not really my problem, and, more destructively, that I do not have the right to feel these things as an individual.

Using I statements also prevents the speaker from imposing their reality on to the listener. I’m sure you’ve heard people describing their own unique experiences with travel, yoga, skydiving, Entheogens, or whatever else, as if their experience was definitive. They might say: “You’ll love it, it’s so amazing, when you get there, this happens and then this happens and it feels like this…” etc.

This is my issue with religious fanatics as texts such as the Bible are really just stories of other people’s experiences with source. By passing them on with the seriousness that we do, we prevent one another from being present and experiencing our own sacred stories of life, source and reality.

Sure there is truth and wisdom in each story – but rather than taking them on as gospel, its important to recognise that there is no definitive guide to life’s mystery outside of one’s own mind.

Personally, I think story telling is a good, natural and beautiful aspect of being human. However, to be responsible speakers and storytellers we need to be clear (for our own sake and others) that our personal experiences are uniquely ours. We may find others who have similar experiences, but that is still no cause to attempt to portray them as a definitive example of what it means to be alive and kicking.

Now, I realise I am being somewhat hypocritical with the tense I have written part of this article in. Granted, third person is a hard habit to break and I am still exploring how to incorporate it into my writing. However, “babies learn to crawl before they learn to walk” and so I am still working on it as I invite you to join me.

As I mentioned in a previous post, when you desire to change something about yourself, it is important first to accept what is.

Below is a powerful exercise in learning to accept what is. It explores the relationship we have with the habits we form, exposing the love-hate dynamic that reinforces our behaviors. While this is essential to understand in order to inspire change, it can often be overlooked.

1. Make a list of things you don’t like about yourself – who you are, how you behave etc.

2. Then go back and beside each point, find and write down something to love about each thing…

For example:

Shadow Side — Acceptance
Overworking — passionate about creating
Overeating — sensitive soul
etc…

I used to mentally beat myself up in the vain hope that it would inspire the change that I wished to see in myself. But now I understand how this was the wrong way to go about it.

Forgiveness heals and for me to more on and grow I first need to accept what is. Then, from that place of observation (not judgement) I may chose who I would like to be next.

You see real change does not come from fear of punishment through inspired self-hate. Change comes from love and a clear, observing mind, motivated by simply acknowledgeing what works and what does not.

I AM THAT I AM.

1. Un-worry
2. Simplify
3. Just be
4. Does it really matter?
5. It’s only you.
6. Everything is okay
7. Be the source
8. You are safe; you cannot fail
9. Choose/Create
10. Be a “bro”
11. Divine Duality
12. The possibilities are endless
13. No need to experience the “bad”
14. Sacred / Profane – It’s all the same!
15. It’s all a matter of perception; that which you give meaning to
16. What are you deciding to be in this moment?
17. What does this mean?
18. There is a reason
19. So many layers
20. We are energy
21. Surrender and let go
22. Accept what is
23. Enjoy the spectrum
24. Breathe
25. It’s all for you
26. Everyone is here to help
27. Communicate
28. Life in a word is change.
29. Love is all there is.
30. I AM THAT I AM.

As I sit to revise my french I feel anxious as I know I have fallen behind. In a feeble attempt to procrastinate, my ego offers me food.

Food to stop me feeling the truth of this moment.

Food to distract me.

Food to take me away from this reality; if only temporarily.

Not today ego. I see through your “comforting” offers. I  know now that by taking you up on the offer I am only inhibiting my own personal growth; procrastinating.

I want to grow. I want to be present in my existence. I want to feel what life feels like even if it means being with pain, experiencing anxiety or “failing” as I try something new. These are the compliments of day to day living. And I know that if I turn to substances to numb out, eventually I will burn out as I have so many times before; wondering what is the point if there are no challenges? What is the point of trying if everything is okay no matter what I do?

The challenges that make life interesting are warped when I hide behind food – as I use it to silence my thoughts; my emotions; how I am truly feeling in my body. This behavior is the manifestation of my ego acting in fear as I look forward to change…to development…to freedom from the ego’s grasp. Scared little child!

Everything is okay. In fact the world is perfect as it is.

But sometimes we need to buy into the illusion that it is not – to feel a sense of risk which in turn gives birth to excitement and opportunity. Without it, one may find themselves helplessly entwined in the drama of their own mind. A self-created darkness suddenly is present in an effort to re-balance the safe and chaos-free, boring world they have attempted to control through hiding behind obsessions and addictions.

Without the contrast the road would not be worth traveling…

Lost opportuinities are what they are. But, dont dwell on what is lost my child. The world is abundant. Chances will come again and again as the circle continues to turn.

Let go of your past; the stories you continue to hold on to. You place far to much meaning on your past.

You are now.
You are here.
You are nothing outside of this moment.

Knowing this, let go of your future, (if only for a moment).
The wishing, the wanting, the restless desire that keeps you from being happy now.
Be happy now.

Life is in the present moment. The sounds, imagery, sensations, tastes and smells that surround you. You are  everything and you are nothing; a wealth of possibilities.

Understand that there is no definitive you. You are the inexplainable; undefinable because you are not a static entity.  Rather, you are an ever changing, moving, (groovin’), evolving experiencer.

You are alive and you exist. That’s about as close as you will ever get to a comprehensive description of yourself.

Embrace this truth and the freedom it entails.

For if you are nothing and everything you have no name to live up to.

So let your guard down knowing that you simply are what you are.

I saw a snail just the other day. It was making it’s slimy trail along the footpath. My first reaction was to pick the little guy up. Take him off the path – save him from the chance of getting trampled on. But then I realized; who am I to change the course of this little snails life? I can’t be sure what it is he is trying to achieve. For all I know he could live for the rainy days like these, to feel his slimy belly contrasted against the rough of the cement. He could have spent the last 12 hours making his way acrross the grass, just for this moment. Or perhaps he lives for the adrenalin that comes from living on the edge. And who am I to take that away in the name of ‘what I think is best for him’?

Then again, I could be wrong…

But the point is: you never know.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gagR2_Yi8wE&w=560&h=349]

You can go to Peru to find yourself through an Ayahuasca ceremony led by a local shaman.

It is said to be an incredibly enlightening ceremony, allowing a human to move beyond their own conditioning, acomodadors, inhibitions, psychological limitations, depressions, fears, addictions and pain.

But, be warned, it is a trip which often involves going into the darkness of your psyche.

If they haven’t spent much time exploring your own internal landscape, many participants describe themselves as surrounded by infinite fear and dark satanic creatures, alone in an unfamiliar realm that even your worst nightmare would even fail to emulate.

So whats the attraction?

Enlightenment.

Healing. Self-development.

A new perspective on life.

Freedom.

This article by National Geographic sheds some pretty awesome insight on the experience.

+++

NB: this post was written before ever having tried Ayahuasca. In my experience, I have found grandmother Aya to be a very reasonable and loving teacher, who has led me to expand and understand myself in so many beautiful ways. You can read about some of my experiences here.

For a more diverse exploration check out these articles on Reality Sandwich.

If you are interested in travelling to Peru for healing and self exploration, might I recommend the Temple of the Way of Light.

To laugh is to risk appearing the fool,
To weep is to risk being called sentimental.
To reach out to another is to risk involvement.
To expose feelings is to risk showing your true self.
To place your ideas and your dreams before the crowd is to risk being called naive.
To love is to risk not being loved in return,
To live is to risk dying,
To hope is to risk despair,
To try is to risk failure

But risks must be taken, because the greatest risk in life is to risk nothing.
The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing, is nothing, and becomes nothing.
He may avoid suffering and sorrow, but he simply cannot learn, feel, change, grow or love.
Chained by his certitude, he is a slave; he has forfeited his freedom.
Only the person who risks is truly free

– Janet Rand

“We may have been treated in childhood or in a relationship as if we were strange, different, or unacceptable. We may have been told that something was wrong with us. We can reframe that now as we work on clearing those atavistic critical messages: “I always had a unique path, I was always different because there is a special creativity in me that was clamoring to be activated in a hard-of-bearing world. The fact that I still feel like an outsider may be how this creative urge has remained alive in me. I am thankful for it and want to open myself to it now. And since I know how it feels to be excluded, may i not exclude others. Let my painful path be one that leads me to care about others.” The final two sentences are how the loving-kindness practice figures in.

Myths from which we cannot be redeemed can make childhood family gatherings unappealing. Do we stay away altogether? Our adult challenge is to maintain the connection but not become caught in a dependency. Our adult challenge is to be respectful but not obligated. How do we accomplish this? How do we let go of codependency with respect to our families of origin?”

When the Past is Present by David Racho