LESS EGO / MORE SOUL

Last week I shared with youDavid Deida’s metaphor of the stained glass window.

Running with this theme, I’d like to explore with you how this theory can be really useful when applied to our relationships as a form of “energetic yoga”.

But first, it’s important to get a grip on the illusions and delusions we tend to fancy ourselves with when new relationships are manifesting.

For example, how many times have you found yourself placing a potential lover on a pedestal?

I know I have. I’ll catch myself thinking things like he’s so beautiful, perfect – whatever – while me…well, I’m probably not his type.

In this mindset I watch myself become small as I try to remain incognito, avoiding eye contact etcetera. I tell myself that when I am “fixed” I can be with someone like him, but until then, I have a lot of work to do.

I think it’s pretty common to put potential lovers on a pedestal like this, neglecting to recognize that while they may be beautiful, fascinating and appear confident – they are just like you and I – human, with their own fears, flaws and insecurities.

As the saying goes:

The biggest mistake we can make is to compare our own insides with another’s outsides.

We ALL doubt ourselves from time to time. No one is flawless and as long as we are living and breathing, we all generally seek to evolve and grow beyond our present state. This is life’s innate beauty – it’s strange and imperfect, and somehow incredibly endearing.

Knowing this, Deida’s notion of “spiritual practice” can be a very liberating tool as we allow ourselves to share in the humour of our varied forms – as we are.

Here, the trick to relating with one another is not to untangle one’s self completely. But rather, to find a way to project the knowing I am light through every cell of one’s own contorted shape as a gentle invitation from one human being to another.  This is a particularly useful practice during those moments where one may not feel so strong, interesting or beautiful

It’s kind of like psychically saying “Okay, I’m not perfect, and chances are you aren’t either, but despite my flaws, I am also fucking brilliant and I got a lotta love to give – do you want some?”

I am incredibly curious about this kind of “energetic yoga” which I have found to be so mysteriously effective in attracting – not just the opposite sex, but new friends, mentors and experiences.

Know this, there is beauty in dysfunction and attraction in acceptance.

Passion by =lucid-light

I’ve been falling in love with the cosmic teachings of David Deida all over again. If you’re not familiar with his work as the shaman of romance, then get familiar here.

One message that particularly sticks out in my mind is his metaphor of the human condition using the analogy of a stained-glass window. Here, Deida describes the differences between therapy, yoga and spiritual practice.

Allow me to walk you through it.

Imagine that you are a stained glass window, and as you come into consciousness, you look down upon yourself as you try to determine what you really are.

Now, unfortunately from this limited perspective, you can’t see the whole beauty of your form. Instead you find yourself focusing on all of the mismatched shards of glass – some with cracks and gaping wholes. As you examine yourself you come to the conclusion “oh-no! I’m broken…” and with this realization, the ego leads you to believe that you need this or that to be better, whole and complete.

This is the definition of therapy, where we look at ourselves critically with a view to “replace the glass” by learning the psychological skills needed to better function in our society. Of course, therapy is a completely valid viewpoint and an important journey to take as we each endeavor to evolve and grow into the highest expression of our human potential. However, it is also important to remember that this is not the whole picture, nor the ultimate solution to one’s suffering.

In contrast, yoga is more like “wiping the dust off the glass”. It is an art form. [And how often does great art arise form the twisted and chaotic?] Rather than seeking to fix the parts of you that are “broken”, yoga demonstrates how to move energy through form, so that we may flow with life more easily. In truth, one can be entirely dysfunctional psychologically, and still do good yoga (and many yogis are).

Finally, spiritual practice can be summarized as realizing that you are both the stained glass window AND the light that shines through it. In these moments of enlightenment there is very little motivation to “fix” yourself. One can be contorted, broken, blocked and flawed and still realize that they are essentially light – and that is a humbling notion.

This third point of view is an incredibly powerful tool, as it allows us to stop putting life on hold, hiding behind the excuses of “I’m not ready yet” or “once I have this, I will be enough”.

As we learn to identify with the bigger picture – embracing the full glory of our being, flaws ‘n’ all, we can begin to live the life we have always dreamed of NOW, whilst simultaneously embarking upon our therapeutic journey.

What is it that holds us back from claiming our own personal power; from being the best version of ourselves we possibly could be?

If you are anything like me, you’ve probably found yourself tugging at the skirt of your ultimate-self-vision with frustration every once in a while. Habits seem too stubborn; addictions too intoxicating. Match that with some underlying beliefs of unworthiness, and you’ll be forever tugging at that skirt.

But lets examine the situation a little more closely; as while the transformation into the highest expression of our self, might seem daunting, we all live with the hope that it is possible. And it is possible. You’ve seen yourself change for the better before; you’ve seen others change for the better before. Change is always possible, so the question remains: what holds us back?

A large part of the human story is this idea that “humanity is flawed”. That humans are incompetent in handling power. That we are not worthy, nor good enough to deal with the responsibilities that power entails.

This message has been perpetuated throughout our culture for thousands of years, through centuries of mythology. You needn’t look hard for examples – Adam and Eve’s original sin – Man’s “fall from grace” is perhaps the most prominent evidence of this brainwashing in action. This has led to a deeply embedded sub-conscious fear of power – reinforced by an insecurity of unworthiness.

Yet, we continue to seek our power; in fact we crave it because it is our birthright. Were you not born to rein over your own body, inspiring it to express your highest vision of self?

In light of this, it seems that whenever we get close to the edge of our own personal power, it scares the shit out of us, and so we run, putting as much space between it and ourselves as possible.

The mere idea that we could change instantaneously puts us up there with “the gods” and though our western culture might appear to contradict this theory as our governments struggles to own this god-like power, we perceive the responsibilities of “gods” as far too much for ourselves to handle. “Humanity is flawed after all,” whispers mother culture, and so, we fall back into old habits, sub-consciously self-sabotaging our dreams, trying less than our best in order to fit in and save face.

The truth is, we are powerful expressions of the divine. After all, were we not made in the image of the divine creator? All it takes to be who we want to be is a change of mind. Yet, this personal power is scary, because with the capacity to change our minds at will, we become unstoppable as we move through the flow of life, learning and transforming ourselves for the better.

Unfortunately, because we don’t trust ourselves with power (and we certainly don’t trust others of our kind with it) our subconscious will do anything to keep us from changing quickly and sustainably. And so the cycle begins, where we bring ourselves down to the level of those around us – for fear of becoming a prosecuted scapegoat (like Jesus). We also pull others around us down with our lack of confidence in their ability to handle power responsibly.

Considering how many times I have been disappointed by examples of humans who have used power irresponsibly, I will admit that this isn’t a completely unwarranted fear. However, it is important to distinguish that these painful cases are ALWAYS instances where humans have attempted to claim power over others. This is the power of domination that dominates our culture as leaders attempt to enforce their vision and their unique perspective onto others.

This never works, of course, as the point of being human is to experience a unique perspective and to make choices related to one’s own individual paradigm. There is no such thing as an answer that is fitting for all, which is why it is so important that we learn to govern ourselves with confidence and dedication in using our bodies to express ourselves authentically. After all, do you not trust yourself to be the captain of your own soul?

So let me be clear, when I talk about “claiming your own personal power”, I’m actually talking about embracing domination’s better looking sister – the power of dominion (power with others).

While the power of domination thrives on the concept of limitation; that “the more I have, the less you get”, the power of dominion, celebrates the power we have when we step up to the challenge of expressing ourselves in all our glory. This is the power that allows us to inspire one another to live a life of liberated authenticity. This is the power that allows you to not only touch your dreams, but experience them in reality. This is the power that generates sustainable success.

So I’m practicing embracing it without fear; to make the choice to change my mind and kick the habits that keep me from expressing who I really am.

And so I remind myself to stop trying - instead, to choose something and be it.

We all have egos. Some are out of control while others consume the self with insecurity and self-pity. Some of us are aware of our ego; others remain ignorant. Many of us see the ego as a negative quality of human nature and seek to supress it. I see the goal, however, as not to eliminate the ego – but to train it as an aid in our own pursuit of fulfillment as we traverse the many paths through life.

So, what is the ego?

Recently I have been delving into the works of Martin Ball, who describes the ego as a complicated software that essentially exists to provide contrast to our otherwise omnipresent state of being. As one, we know that we are all – empty and complete, however, that knowing is hell without any contrast to compare it to – which is how the ego serves its purpose.

In essence, the ego is our own unique filter system, causing us to perceive separation throughout the world. It classifies the stimuli of the universe by that which “I am” and that which “I am not“ / by that which “I like”, and that “I do not”. In doing so, it allows us to build up our own personal identity of self based on association, providing us with a unique life experience as we pursue our own individual desires.

While traditionally it was a survival mechanism put in place to keep our primal bodies alive, today, with the public portrayal of self, it is forever poised to present one as superior to another.

Saying that, while the ego can be our downfall, enlightenment does not come from transcending the ego, but in understanding and mastering the ego so that it may serve its true purpose. That is, to motivate you to live a satisfying and fulfilling life, as you identify and pursue your own desires and dreams.

However, it is a journey in itself, to unwind the ego’s twistedness – conditioned through experience to avoid past pains and embarrassments.

In essence, the ego functions to generate a whole range of artificial constructs of the self, and seeks to protect these constructs at all costs. As Martin Ball eloquently puts it:

“The last thing that the ego wants to is to be confronted with the reality that, “You’re full of shit,” as that does not reaffirm its sense of self and world.  In fact, it conflicts with it dramatically.  When such a confrontation occurs, egos have a couple of choices.  One is to pretend that nothing happened, and go about business as usual.  The other is to hold on even stronger to the self-generated illusions, especially through finding others who share similar illusions and allow for group identity, or, embark on an existential crisis that may or may not resolve beneficially.  If beneficial, the individual will find a new state of liberation from the constructs of the ego.  If not beneficial, the ego will simply adopt a new set of beliefs and structures in place of the old ones.”

In this crusade it often evokes conflict, violence, hate, fear, greed, judgment, jealousy, rage, victimization, self-pity, indulgence, suffering and pain.

However, it is from this chaos that the beauty of the life experience is really born with the gifts of curiosity, exploration, inquisitiveness, creativity and the opportunity to learn and discover the radiant mystery that lies at the centre of our existence.

While at times it may not seem so, the journey as we move through the spectrum of experience, encourages us to learn from and master our egos so that we may revel in the beauty of life without suffering. This is only a desirable destination however, because we have experienced the “dark” contrast perpetuated by an ego that is out of control.

A friend recently asked me about what I think it means to be happy.

It used to be freedom.

But then I realised that we are always free – free to choose how to react to any given situation, free to suffer; free to laugh.

And that, it is actually some degree of responsibility that adds satisfaction to our lives.

So what does it mean to be happy?

Today, to me, it means to be comfortable in one’s own skin; to be your own best friend. That way you can make the best of any situation. To know thyself; to love yourself and to feel comfortable spending time with yourself and expressing your energy truth fully – that is true happiness.

If you beg to differ, I’d love to hear from you.

Namaste~

Whether you choose to drink a small coffee or large coffee,

drink skim milk, full cream or green tea,

indulge in drugs & alcohol

or enjoy a life of purity,

let your choices be an expression of who you are

& NOT tainted with the guilt or burden

of thinking that by dimming your light,

you could possibly make another feel better.

“The biggest mistake one could ever make, is to judge their insides by another’s outsides”.

- Anonymous

Perhaps true unconditional love is the ability to love oneself (or another) despite – not because of – one’s blessings.

Without the things you love about yourself, who would you be?

To the same extent, without your failures who would you be?

What does it mean to love someone despite their blessings?

To not take into account “why” you love them?

To love for no reason?

To not-love?

Notes to self:

Stop trying to impress yourself.

Okay is what you are.

See how you are trying to win the love of your higher self through creating a particular image of “who” you are?

This is the core of the ego.

And yet your higher-self, the one you seek to please, is the observer, smiling down at you with love no matter what you choose to do as you experience the human condition – man’s search for  meaning, for reason, for acceptance.

You have nothing to prove.

I used to mentally beat myself up in the vain hope that it would inspire the change that I wished to see in myself. But now I understand how this was the wrong way to go about it.

Forgiveness heals and for me to more on and grow I first need to accept what is. Then, from that place of observation (not judgement) I may chose who I would like to be next.

You see real change does not come from fear of punishment through inspired self-hate. Change comes from love and a clear, observing mind, motivated by simply acknowledgeing what works and what does not.

I AM THAT I AM.

To laugh is to risk appearing the fool,
To weep is to risk being called sentimental.
To reach out to another is to risk involvement.
To expose feelings is to risk showing your true self.
To place your ideas and your dreams before the crowd is to risk being called naive.
To love is to risk not being loved in return,
To live is to risk dying,
To hope is to risk despair,
To try is to risk failure

But risks must be taken, because the greatest risk in life is to risk nothing.
The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing, is nothing, and becomes nothing.
He may avoid suffering and sorrow, but he simply cannot learn, feel, change, grow or love.
Chained by his certitude, he is a slave; he has forfeited his freedom.
Only the person who risks is truly free

– Janet Rand

I feel so raw. Lost in the illusions of reality.

Sitting on the floor of my room, staring at my reflection in the mirror, I asked myself How I came to be dwelling in such a sad and lonely place?

“I feel exhausted.” I answered. “I feel frustrated, tired of fighting for the life I want to live. Tired of justifying my existence to the world, my passions, my motivations, my feelings, ideas and aspirations. And I’m tired of trying to get somewhere I am not. Struggling…”

And where is it you want to go? My higher self asked. Or rather, What would it look like to have won?

“To have won…?” My mind answered, interested in this different question, something I hadn’t yet pondered.
“To have won…I would feel free. No more fighting, justifying, suffering.
Just being . Or rather, more doing (compared to the amount of time I spend dreaming up what it is I would like to do). Who I want to be would be a natural reaction to the world around me. I’d have stopped living mindlessly. Reacting…”

And so what is stopping you from getting there?

“People scared of difference. Trying to give me “advice” that sends me down some general path I know won’t serve me…” Said I.

Really?

“Okay not really. People have nothing to do with it. It’s myself…sabotaging…myself.”

And why do you think you would be doing that to yourself?

“Fear. Because it’s scary to walk a different path.”

Lets try being a winner for a moment. For a day. Lets just try and see what happens.

“Okay….tomorrow.”

No. Not tomorrow. From right now.

“errr…how?” I asked meekly.

Let go of what happened before. Let go of what could happen. Choose something and be it.

“Easier said than done ya know.”

So you like to think.