LESS EGO / MORE SOUL

Since I first heard these ideas two months ago, my appreciation for Water and life has expanded in a very beautiful way. This is why I have taken the time to pass on this important message, channelled through a great teacher I found here in Israel. His name is Shir and his words run deep. Here I have put together the essence of his inspiring message. Enjoy.

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It is important to understand the role of Water in our life. Science has proven that Water receives energy and holds memory. We know this, yet so often we forget the importance of this finding.

Consider this: approximately 65% of each and every one of us is made up of Water. That’s more than half of our bodily composition.  The fact that Water is so receptive and open to programming by intention offers a great opportunity for self-creation.

The Water Spirit is a traveller. It cycles through the planet, from the underground spring, to the cloudy sky, falling back down with the rain to join itself in the rivers and oceans of our planet. This cycle of reincarnation continues again and again throughout eternal time and space.

One could even say that Water is the “collective consciousness” incarnate as it travels around the globe, communing every single living being. On the first day of creation, Water arrived on earth and took on the biggest, highest responsibility to care for all of the creatures of this earth. Without Water, life would not exist.

Today there is the same amount of Water on earth as there was on the first day of creation. Science has even proven, that not a single drop has disappeared from the face of the earth since the dawn of time. Over the millennia it has just recycled throughout the complex life systems that support its journey across earth.

As we know, Water holds memory, and memory is information. As Water travels, it collects memories, gathering together a huge bank of information, documenting all of life’s history and evolution. As we drink from the same Water and allow it to pass through us, we both receive and contribute to the distribution of this information.

Being 65% Water, means we have access to all of the information in the world, within us at all times. However, most of us are not really used to listening – and I mean, really listening – enough to understand the wisdom Water is so willing to share with us. Instead we play games of guess and check, questioning our inner knowing, not believing that we can know all those things until we see some physical “proof”. Then we are suddenly surprised when we have a “new idea”, when in fact, we are just remembering – or acknowledging this information that is being shared with us, always.

Unfortunately, Water is something we tend to take for granted. We have been conditioned to expect that when we turn on a tap, Water will come. But this is merely a convenience of the modern world and we must recognise this for the luxury it is. If there is no Water in your taps tomorrow, perhaps you wouldn’t freak out immediately. Instead you would go to the supermarket and buy some bottled Water. But what if that was unavailable also? Okay, so you would find another beverage to quench your thirst. But how long could this really sustain you?

We need Water; pure Water, to grow into fully conscious human beings.

Always remember, that without Water, life cannot exist. If we stop drinking Water we get dry. When we get dry, we get weak. When we get weak, we die and like this, we return to the earth. They tell us there are places where there is “no Water” but there is not a place on earth where Water does not exist. At the very least, the spirit of the Water is in the air and when we breathe with conscious awareness of this, we drink.

If you think that we humans treat the Water with respect, then you are very much mistaken. Perhaps personally one by one, yes, but as a society, there is very little respect for the Water that sustains us so generously.

When you turn on the TV and you see moving pictures of a boat with a motor and oil driving around the Kinneret, you may realise with alarm What? We are suppose to drink this Water? (The Kinneret used to be the biggest source for drinking Water in Israel, until recent years as it has become polluted.) This is our disease as human beings – we don’t take responsibility for our own Water.

Today, as you read these words, I am calling out for your awakening. Take care of your own Water. Give intention to your Water. Love your Water. Give thanks for every drop that graces your reality. Know that when you speak to the Water, directly to the molecules, it listens. Likewise, as you drink, you open yourself to receive to the Water’s message. For as we approach Water with love and respect, we prolong the relationship. Yet if we continue to make Water feel disrespected and unwelcomed on this planet, one day it will surely leave us.

The Water asks for love and we give love through our appreciation. That is it. Imagine when you are parched and those first drops of Water touch your tongue. This is the gratitude we should feel with every sip, acknowledging that without Water, we would not be alive.

So give thanks for the Water and use Water with divine intention.

When you drink, say thank you.

When you bathe, say thank you.

When you flush the toilet, say thank you.

When you turn on the taps to run a bath, or wash the dishes or Water your plants say thank you.

When it rains, say thank you.

Realise the role Water plays in your life and give thanks, because Water is Spirit.

With the awakening of this realisation, you will begin to open and become more receptive to its knowledge and wisdom.

Bless the water.

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You can read Part One and Part Two here.

That night we opened the dieta. I drank a fresh cup of Bobinsana about an hour before the ceremony. It had pungent a smoked-bacon flavour to it, though certainly preferable to the rancid bitterness of Ayahuasca. The ceremony came on quick and strong. I was surprised at how Arquelis and Maria began to sing almost immediately after drinking – where as traditionally I had experienced an hour of silence in-between.

Before the medicine had even been able to set in, there was a loud crash and bang which scared the shit out of me. It was the small tin roof collapsing over the kitchen, for no apparent reason. It pushed a wave of fear through me too suddenly and I felt like a timid little creature, too vulnerable for the outside world. Maria was sitting with me beneath my mosquito net, but her voice was sharp and scary to me in that state. I wanted space from her so I moved to the other end of my bed and curled up in the fetal position.

The medicine was strong and my emotional state became quickly amplified and disorientated. One half of me was in turmoil experiencing the discomfort of sad emotions and physical pain triggered by memories of other incarnations. The other half of me was in ecstasy seeing brilliant visions of me, claiming my full potential, though I found this beauty too intense to stare it straight in the eyes. It was simply too confronting to realize how great I could be, yet how much work I had to do to get there. So I meandered between states, unsure of what to make of the situation.

As I dipped into an emotional underworld of sadness, grief and suppression, I heard Arquelis reminding me that it was okay to just focus on the beauty. In any given reality there is light and dark forces at work. The darkness works hard to get our attention; to entrance us with the belief that it has more to offer than the light. The mystery reveals itself when we realize that each force is of equal value as they are rooted in the same source.

Often I have found myself undervaluing the light because I perceive it to be too easy, too beautiful and too obvious etc. As a result, I remember being confused with my initial Ayahuasca experiences during my first trip to Peru. After all, I had heard Mama Aya had a gift for conjuring up visions of ones personal hell, and I figured it was by confronting this darkness that the real work was done. “Bring it on” I begged her, yet the majority of my experiences have been all too beautiful. That is why, to Arquelis’ mild confusion, I allowed myself to indulge in the dark side of my visions.

Eventually enough was enough though. I saw his point. My personal growth was to learn to let go of this pain, by turning my attention to the beauty that was being presented to me. This is the alchemy of our existence. To realize that in any situation, there are both light and dark forces at work and that that which we give our attention to is what becomes real.

For the following five days, we all became noctournal creatures, drinking Ayahuasca at nightfall and fighting our own personal demons until dawn. Looking back, its hard to separate ceremony from ceremony as they all melt into one another.

The days also took on a dreamlike aesthetic as the diet and lack of sleep weakend our bodies to allow the plants to take up residence within us. We’d sleep intermittently throughout the day, lazing around in our hammocks. We’d bathe in the river around midday and have a main meal of fish, roasted plantains and quinoa around two or three in the afternoon. Yep, while I am mostly vegan, I found Bobinsana – the winged, zombi-mermaid goddess that she is, to have an insatiable hunger for fish. Honestly, the fish was so fresh and tasty despite the lack of seasoning. Other than that, most of the day would be in silent contemplation.

In the early hours of the morning, when all the hard internal work was done, I’d stay up whispering to Aster between our mosquito nets, full, satisfied, and in love with life. I was blissed to my bones, reflecting on my life experiences, as most ceremonies ended with comforting visions of all the beauty I had been blessed with in this lifetime – the people, the places, the joy, the love. Though these seemed such distant memories – far away from the present reality – it reminded me of why I was here. We’d share our visions and experiences, hopes and dreams for the future, occasionally indulging in our dirtiest food fantasies (several days of a bland monodiet can really give you a guilty apetite). Aster was also an incredible musician player and in our heightened state, my favourite thing would be to listen to him play and sing his inspired songs off the cuff.

I remember one night after ceremony, watching the sky with him. There was some strange lightning and noises going off in the distance – a very curious sight, like nothing I had seen in the sky before. We mused that it was aliens and playfully discussed common alien conspiracy theories. I love a good story after all and enjoyed hearing Aster’s own conscious conclusions.

Within the hour a forceful storm was upon us and it made me giddy with excitement. I remembered storms this epic as a child, how I loved to hide under the blankets listening to the rain and hail crash down onto the roof. Everything was blowing in the wild winds. We had to hold on tightly to our belongings – even our sleeping mats beneath us. While everyone else sought cover from the storm, I felt a strong desire to meditate in the midst of it. To me, this was a divine gift and I was very much enjoying the experience. Alas, it came and went too soon.

On about day four, after a rough night of ceremony, I found myself recapitulating on my whole life. Where in the past, this had been a daunting task, I found it effortless and healing. It was as if my brain had been re-wired with such clarity. I could see how the events of my past were interconnected and how they had shaped me to be who I was today. I could identify my beliefs and fears so clearly.

Inside my head, I was speaking directly to Bobinsana and she was helping me to make the connections I needed to understand myself on a whole new level. This brought me great peace and gratitude. I remember sitting by the river, recapitulating with her, feeling things I had not, until then, allowed myself to feel. While I felt pain, hurt, fear, frustration and anger, I was grateful for this opportunity to process these emotions in a healthy and timely manner. Where in the past I hadn’t really understood how to let these emotions flow through me, here, my blood had cooled and I was able to approach my traumas from a higher perspective, with appreciation for the gifts of growth that were handed to me in the face of adversity.

Part Four coming soon.

You can read Part One here.

I had my heart set on working with a curandera (female shaman) from the beginning, but they seemed to be hard to find these days. Nevertheless Aster and I went hunting. After meeting with two or three, we invited Maria to join us on our journey with Aquellis, thinking it would bring balance to the masculine and feminine energies of the dieta.

Maria is a strong jungle woman. She stands about 5ft tall yet has a jaguar edge to her that is not to be reckoned with. More than once Aster and I were astounded by her seemingly superhuman strength as we watched her carry huge buckets of water from the river to our campsite, obediently balanced on her head without the aid of her arms.

Originally we set out to a shipibo community south of Pucallpa, taking a three hour car ride along the narrow winding dirt roads into the jungle. There were five of us crammed in the tiny car together: the driver, Aquellis, Maria, Aster and I. We stopped to get some food along the way and I cringed to see Arquellis carelessly toss his plastic rubbish out the window as we drove on. Here is a man who shares a very deep connection with the plants, yet is so oblivious to the impact of his waste. Sadly this is a common theme throughout the third world.

When we arrived the sun was beating down strong. Upon leaving the car we walked into the chakras for about half an hour before coming upon a clearing. This would be our home for the next few weeks.

It was a humble abode; a simple thatched roof (no walls) over a dirt floor with chickens and dogs roaming free. Just outside the “hut” was an open fire and to the right of that was a simple wooden bench supporting two big buckets of river water. This was our kitchen.

Take a short walk down yonder and you would meet the river, which was abundant with fish. This was where we bathed daily, taking care not to disturb the sting rays or Yacamama (a giant water anaconda – the guardian of the river). Alternatively, behind the clearing there was also a lake, covered with pretty lillys but we were told this was also home to caiman crocodiles.

I remember feeling anxious when I first arrived, shocked at the simplicity of the situation, to think that this would be my home for the next three weeks. I calmed my self promising that I would get through so long as I took things second by second. Besides, I’d lived in simpler situations before, camping in the wild. I guess what really struck me was the fact that this was how these people really lived every second of their life. They didn’t have a fancy house to go home to when shit got too real. This was it.

We strung up our hammocks and set up our beds beneath mosquito nets, taking refuge as dusk claimed the day. For after dark, it was near impossible to find peace from the biting bugs outside.

The following day we rose early to collect the Bobinsana needed for my dieta. It was a three-hour boat ride upstream. Note: this “boat” was essentially a precariously balanced canoe with a motor tacked onto the end of it. There was no shade and the sun was hot. Both Aster and I got a little burnt with our white gringo skin, but other than that, it was an enjoyable ride as we sat in the hull eating watermelon and papaya.

Eventually we came upon a beautiful old Bobinsana tree, rooted by the river’s edge. Together we harvested roots, leaves and bark. The roots and bark were later boiled for hours, reduced into a thick, pungent tea. I drank this morning and night for the duration of the dieta.

On the way back we stopped at a little beach for a swim and Arquillies cast his net, reeling in over a dozen fresh fish with each throw. The fish were then gathered in the hull to be scaled and filleted by Nei, a seven year old local boy.

On the way back we got into a discussion with Aquellis about spirit guides and Ayahuasca visions. Aquellis spoke of his own spirit guide taking the form of a brilliant white Pegasus. He asked me about mine and when I told him I hadn’t quite found one yet, he asked me what I would like. I laughed at the idea of being able to shop for such strange and mystical creatures, but  thought about this playfully for a moment and envisioned a tiger with the rainbow wings of a macaw parrot. “I’ve always had a connection with Tigers… but I also have a thing with birds and want to fly…then again, maybe I just want the rainbow wings,” I confided. “I’ve never seen one of them,” said Aquellis. Aster and I laughed about this, but Aquellis was serious. “Very well, I will find this for you…” he said, looking pensive.

The next day he came to me with the excitement of a child on Christmas day. He was holding a special vine he had collected during his morning walk. “This, will give you wings,” he told me. It was a “bat wing” plant (though I can no longer remember its native name). He showed me how beneath the little wing-like leaves were little claws, like that of bats.  By afternoon he had made it into a thick ointment to be rubbed onto my back before our Ayahuasca ceremony. “If we do this 3-5 times, you will have wings by the end of the week.” I was open to his mad train of thought, so I gave it a go.

Read on, Part Three Here…

ayahuasca experience

Finally a moment to break this writing hiatus…

As you can imagine, a lot has been going on in my life. Its crazy to think that only three weeks ago I was living deep in the Amazonian jungle, doing dieta with a shipibo shaman called Aquellis. This was the most intense and revealing experience of my life and I am dedicating the next several posts to sharing the experience with you in detail.

For those of you who don’t know, a dieta is an ancient shamanic initiation in the Amazon which involves dedicating oneself to a non-psycho active “master plant” for a set period of time. During this time, contact with the outside world is minimized, often causing subjects to retreat like hermits into the deep jungle.

By eating a very bland diet, without the use of any sugar, salt, spices or other stimulants, the body is weakened, allowing the spirit of the plants to transpose itself into the human body. Thus a relationship is formed and a mutual exchange of alternative experiences between plant and man is shared.

Traditionally shamanic apprentices would do a dieta with a particular plant for 1-2 years. These days however, subjects are able to do dieta from anywhere between a week to a year. During this time Ayahuasca is traditionally taken 2-3 times a week (or more) and works as the translator or mediator between the master plant and the initiate.

This time, I chose to diet a master plant called Bobinsana, which happened to be the first plant that caught my eye when I first arrived in Peru. I took it as a sign and Aquilles later confirmed that B. had indeed invited me.

Bobinsana grows by the waterside with beautiful white/pink blossoms. To me, her spirit is a winged siren – a gorgeous (sometimes sharp toothed) mermaid with a fiercely protective mother energy. This is contrasted with the friendly playfulness of some childlike fairy creature. She works deeply with ones emotions and opening up the communication channels with the precision of a hummingbird.

This being my second trip to Peru, I found the dieta to be a very interesting and rewarding way to deepen my relationship with Ayahuasca. In particular, I found that my journeys felt much more focused on healing and letting go of past traumas and my visions were much clearer.

Finding the right shaman was essential of course, and I was lucky to have had a lot of the searching done for me by my good friend Aster who had arrived in the jungle a month prior. Considering the amount of Ayahuasca tourism that goes on in the Amazon these days, it can be difficult to find a legitimate shaman of pure intentions.

Our shaman, Aquilles, was a kind hearted man in his mid forties. He lives in the small town of Yarina Cocha with his wife, children, two daughters in law, grandchildren and a couple of young orphans they adopted from the streets. Altogether there is 21 of them, who share the dirt floor of their humble four-bedroom home.

What instantly struck me about him was his authentic generosity as he kindly opened his home and heart to us. Unlike many of the other shamans competing in the area, he encouraged us to pay him by donation after covering the expenses of our trip. This is unique considering how many mouths he has to feed and how money hungry the society is out there. Amidst pollution and overpopulation there is a lot of struggle to make ends meet in the “city”.

I first met Aquilles in a feverish state after arriving in Yarina from Cusco. The cold of the mountains had taken its toll on my immune system and I had contracted some parasites which left me in a cold sweating fever for three days. During this time he and his wife visited me day and night with medicinal plants and with their aid I recovered quickly.

Before heading out for our dieta, we spent a week with his family in town as Aster and I organized what was needed for our trip. This included finding land, transportation and gathering enough food and plant medicines (including Tobacco, Ayahuasca and Chiddy Sanagoe) for the duration of our stay. During this time we’d often go over to his home for dinner and his children and grand children would always greet us warmly, running towards us with hugs.

We celebrated his birthday that week and it was brilliant to see how similar things were to my own life back home. Family members gathered at his house to eat, drink and be merry. Speeches were made and children laughed and played chasy in the background. Despite the differences, it was humbling to recognize the cultural similarities of a family coming together to celebrate the life of a loved one.

…To be continued…Part Two coming soon…

I’ve been thinking a lot about the wisdom of trees lately. My experiences in working with Ayahuasca only confirmed my long-time suspicion that within each plant lies a sentient being.

To me, they represent one of the purest states of consciousness, remaining so still and open energetically, as if in a constant state of zen meditation.

In a previous post I used the metaphor of an apple tree as being the epitome of unconditional love. It bears it’s fruit so generously without expectation or concern for who or how it is consumed.

Recently I was standing at the edge of a forest, admiring nature’s wild beauty when four colourful parrots flew over my head and landed in a nearby tree. They were gorgeous creatures of red and blue feathers and I considered how cool it would be to have them come to me. I stood there meditating, connecting with them for a few moments, setting my intention. When the time was right, they flew toward me, but all I could do was flinch, duck and laugh at myself.

I can only begin to imagine what it would be like to be as energetically open as a tree.

One of the many lessons nature has taught me along my journey is that one of the keys to life is to make others feel welcome – particularly through sharing.

Tarot talks about the wisdom of being the fool – to be open and open and still open to life, no matter the potential for pain and suffering. This allows one to maintain the innocence and fearless enchantment of a child.

In my mind, trees demonstrate this beautifully as the forest shares everything – it is open and open and still open like a fool. Friend or foe, a plant does not show any fear – whether its approached by a tree-hugging hippy, or a ferocious chainsaw. It stands before both, radiating isness as if to say simply: “I am, until I am not.”

At times we might fear the dangers of the outside world, but despite it all, trees stand strong and tend to live long. Their resilience to the fear mentality that imbues our human condition inspires me, reminding me of the world I knew in my younger days, where fear was no thing and the possibilities of what I could do and create with my life were limitless.

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A friend of mine once pointed out to me, “you know all they want is your appreciation” and so I make a point to give it to them. They give us so much after all – food, shade, oxygen, and if you are willing to listen (as they whisper ever so softly) wisdom.

In many ways life is just one big Ayahuasca ceremony – full of teachers and friends, confrontation and contrast, beauty and ugliness, fear and love, pleasure and pain.

A common saying in the Aya world is:

“Ayahuasca might not give you what you want, but she will always give you what you need”

I feel like this works just as well when we look at Life’s, often mysterious, unfolding.

These words remind us to let go of how we think things should be and surrender and explore ourselves based on what Life is offering us.

Often, it is at the point of surrender that we find ourselves pleasantly surprised. Otherwise we’re just swimming upstream, desperately attempting to cling to things as we fear the uncertainty that awaits. It’s exhausting, so I think I’d much rather let go and enjoy the ride.

But I have been learning and thinking a lot about what it means to “surrender” lately…

Firstly, that it’s not about doing nothing and just expecting life to take you somewhere nice. Nope. You do need to have some kind of clarity about what you wish to experience in life.

The art of surrender is to get good at making decisions and taking responsibility for the who, what and why of you, while letting go of the need to control the when, where and how.

Learn to do this comfortably, and you’ll find that Life is pretty good at orchestrating the latter for you.  And if you can just let go of your expectations of how you think things should be, you’ll find yourself laughing more and suffering less.

Secondly, it’s about opening your eyes and learning to recognize and interpret the messages and opportunities that surround us in every moment.

There’s an old joke about a man stuck in the rapids of a rushing river.

Arms flailing in a desperate attempt to keep his head above the water, he prays to God “please save me”.

Seconds later a log floats by. The man continues to thrash and pray. He sees the log, but decides not to grab a hold, trusting that God will save him.

Moments later, a boat comes by and invites him to jump aboard, but the man refuses any help, adamant that God will save him.

Just as the man begins to lose his energy, a hot babe rides by on a jetski and pulls up alongside inviting him to jump on. The man refuses stating “No thank you, I know God will save me.”

Eventually the man drowns and when he arrives in heaven, he asked God, annoyed, “Why didn’t you come and save me?”

“What do you mean?” God replies. “I sent you a log, a boat and a babe on a jetski!”

Q: Who am I?

A: Who cares?

‘Tell me about your experiences with Ayahuasca,’ I asked John, a volunteer at the temple.

‘Well, I guess the one that stands out in my mind today is when I met Pain.’

‘Tell me more,’ I encouraged.

‘Well, I was in ceremony when I saw a small, black figure looking rather downtrodden. He was about three feet tall, and shaped like a long, upright egg, with short legs and equally short arms that stuck out like little t-rex arms. He was really cute and I felt bad for him because he was clearly so sad – he had the look about him like a child that was left out on the playground.

I asked him what was the matter. He told me who he was. It turns out that he was this amazing teacher with so much to give and all he wanted to do was share his teachings with the world, but no one would listen to him – they would all just run away.

I told him we could be friends. “Can I come and visit you sometime?” Pain asks before I leave.
“Sure, anytime” I say without thinking, and then back tracked a little…”Well maybe not anyway time, but you can definitely come and visit again!”
I mean, he’s cute and all, but I’m not sure I want Pain in my life too often…’

Perhaps the biggest thing that Ayahuasca has taught me is that I am okay – no matter what I do. No matter who I choose to be.

And a big part of my first ceremony was focused on confronting this fear that I am not enough or that I might not live this life well enough.

Lying in the darkness, unsure of what to expect, I felt overwhelmed with anxiety. I desperately wanted someone to tell me what was happening; what I should do and that I was okay. But as I battled with my fear and confusion, I realized that in life there will never (and should never) be anyone around to tell you what to do or that you are good, bad or okay.

Instead, we must learn to trust ourselves and make our own decisions wholeheartedly.

If we can accept this, we accept life’s offer to explore this universe fully and experience expansion through our choices, whatever they may be.

Often you will find, that that which is ‘in the way’, is the way.