LESS EGO / MORE SOUL

I say, personify and de-personify everything. For it is these boundaries of alienation that lead us to suffering as they limit us from accepting things as they are and fully understanding the interconnectedness that surrounds us.

For example: Forgiveness is a tool of the ego, allowing us to pacify our own self-entitlement. While societal conditioning might have us believe that it is an act of grace that we bestow upon others so generously, the truth is, our ability to forgive does not make us a “better” person. It makes us a more “functional” person as it cradles our wounded ego in the face of “offensive behaviour”.

If you kick your toe into a wall, do you feel the need to forgive the wall for the pain it has caused you?

If a wild animal eats some food you’ve left out in the open, do you feel the need to forgive the animal?

Some might feel this way, but most do not. Yet we tend to hold this expectation that another human’s transgressions against one’s own view of morality MUST be forgiven or else we cannot move on.

For this reason, I try not to see the world through the limited lens of “right” and “wrong”, “good” and “bad”.

In my worldview, we are all just wounded animals trying our best to get along and move on from the scars of our past. No one does anything that contradicts his or her own perception of what is right and good. However, all of us are programmed by past wounds to act as we do in order to avoid future suffering of the same kind.

Understand that fear, in one form or another inspires 100% of humanity’s “wrongdoings”.

(c) Sarah Blake

Light and Dark are the original children of the divine duality.

Children, both equal in their merits and caveats, though in many ways humanity appears to favour light as the more benevolent, “spiritual” and higher of the two.

Enchanted, we often associate Light with purity, goodness, spirituality, cleansing and the soul.

Darkness, in contrast, is often related to debauchery, evil, fear and pain.

While darkness may amplify our fear of the unknown, Light, banishes the unknown, limiting possibilities and calming the insecurities that rise in the face of uncertainty. With light, creation is limited and our imagination is restrained – lest we forget that it is actually in the dark where all is equal and free.

Dark benevolently passes no judgment; she loves unconditionally.

Light on the other hand, illuminates what would otherwise be unknown. It gives shape to the energy that surrounds us, allowing us to perceive the interactions that take place in our environment. We feel safer and more secure in the light as form takes on a more familiar shape.

However, is it not light that inspires our judgments; separating form from form with the boundaries of “this” and “that”, “me” and “you”, “us” and “them”?

Is light then not the instigator of separation, and darkness facilitator of unity?

“All colours will agree in the dark.”  – Francis Bacon

Acknowledge the state of your physical body (the sacred vessel of your spirit) as a symbolic sculpture of the life you lead.

If you love your life then why not worship your body – whatever its size, whatever its shape?

Regardless of where it fits in cotrast to society’s view of beauty and ideals, if life feels good then change your perceptions to embrace its unique perfection.

And, if life feels bad change your existence – not to meet the expectations of others, or emulate what is sold as a valuable depiction of “success”.

No, change it to meet your soul’s yearning for love, for connection, for joy, for contentment, for exploration, for thrills and  for memories of delicious moments well spent.

Because life is supposed to feel good and who could ever definitively judge what a feeling looks like?

We tell ourselves lies: “if only I was ______, then I could be happy.”

Recognise that your quality of life would actually be no better; albeit perhaps a little less weighed down by your crying consciousness and the judgement that governs these lies.

When you were a child you never thought this way.

You’ve been conditioned to believe that you are not enough and after so many years you’re now using these lies as excuses; because you would find it too uncomfortable to actually cross the finish line.

What would you do with all that power; with all that responsibility?

Ignore the lies and focus on being happy first. Then decide if what you wanted was really ever that important.

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An interview with Gabriel Collelo caught my eye recently – and not just because he is a good-looking nude.

In 2006, Collelo had a potentially fatal brush with death, suffering from an aneurysm at just 18. Post recovery and having just released his book An Exploration of Nudity, Collelo spoke with Oyster magazine, expressing his views on fear, love, death and nakedness in beautiful simplicity:

“Death has taught me that there is beauty in pain, life isn’t serious enough to be depressed, and there’s no education like adversity… Nothing matters, life is a beautiful thing — cherish it and experience yourself at your greatest, but…don’t take yourself too seriously. To me, nudity represents fearlessness. It’s like you’re at peace with the world and you’re so strong you don’t need armour. I’m really talking about the fearlessness and nakedness within your spirit. By making An Exploration of Nudity, I may get teased, I may get a pat on the back, or both. Either way, it’s all good and I love you.”

Reading his words, it’s pretty clear to me that this guy ‘gets life’ as is not afraid to practice what he preaches. It takes guts to put out a book like this, even if you have been a ‘mirror-basher’ since the age of seven and it’s inspiring to say the least.

I think nudity is a very curious subject in our society and that our current collective consciousness is quite unbalanced in it’s view of what nakedness represents. Either it is tarnished by taboo and sexual innuendo or suppressed with disgust or inappropriateness.

Like Collelo, I feel that nudity has the potential to be very healing and cleansing when embraced with pure intentions and directly relates back to the spirit, unconditional love and fostering a healthy relationship with ourselves.

“Anything is one of a million paths. Therefore you must always keep in mind that a path is only a path; if you feel you should not follow it, you must not stay with it under any conditions. To have such clarity you must lead a disciplined life. Only then will you know that any path is only a path, and there is no affront, to oneself or to others, in dropping it if that is what your heart tells you to do. But your decision to keep on the path or to leave it must be free of fear or ambition. I warn you. Look at every path closely and deliberately. Try it as many times as you thing necessary. Than ask yourself, and yourself alone, one question: Does the path have a heart? If it does, the path is good; if it doesn’t it is of no use. Both paths lead nowhere; but one has a heart and the other doesn’t. One makes for a joyful journey; as long as you follow it, you are one with it. The other will make you curse your life. One makes you strong; the other weakens you.”

- Carlos Castaneda, The Teachings of Don Juan

“What’s wrong?” I asked the body.

“No one listens to me…you don’t listen to me…you just go ahead and make decisions, like you think you know what’s best.”

“That’s not true.”

“Can you feel me now? Can you feel what I feel? I feel sick. And so we feel sick. And I tried to warn you; I tried to tell you to stop eating; that I’d had enough; that more would be too much to handle. But you just listened to the mind who said: more is better, more is good, and god this tastes amazing! But the mind is deluded. It doesn’t know how to feel. It gets distracted. It’s been conditioned. It doesn’t understand.”

“Come now, I’m sorry…”

“And then when I want more of something you listen to the mind again. Your exercising and I feel great. But the mind is bored. The ego is afraid; it doesn’t want to be silenced by the heart beating ecstatically in our chest. It doesn’t want it’s thoughts being pushed to the side as you surrender to existence; feeling the breath, flow through our lungs; feeling the blood rush through our veins. And so it says enough. I tried, and now lets stop. It tells you I’m not strong enough. And so you give up; afraid to go into the unknown. Little do you know I was just beginning to enjoy myself.”

“Look I’m really sorry…Can I make this up to you? What can I give you? Do you want food? Water? Do you want to rest?”

“No. You’re still not getting it. I want nothing. I need nothing. Except for you to check in with me from time to time; to listen to me at least as much as you listen to your mind; if not more…I watch you, day after day, walking aimlessly around, trying to find God; trying to experience enlightenment. But you can’t because you aren’t prepared to allow yourself to feel; to be with discomfort. Your mind – bless it’s chemistry – is too focused on finding remedies; “solutions” to the so called challenges of feeling. It’s a game the universe is playing with you; guarding its best kept secrets behind the façade of illusions…distractions to make you forget. I live in that world; where everything is beautiful and everything is right. But what is wrong is that you aren’t here to share that with me.”

“I want to be with you.”

My body laughed. “Oh it will take some time. But I would like that very much.”

“Okay, so how do I…?”

“Stop trying. Stop living by certain “rules”.  Just allow yourself to feel fully and act in alignment with those feelings. That’s all you need. Don’t listen to the mind and don’t think. Don’t judge and don’t try to change things. By all means gravitate towards that which makes you feel good, but try and stay aware of temptation; aware of distractions that lead you away from that which you seek so desperately; aware of your fear that invites those distractions. In other words, learn to be comfortable being uncomfortable.”

We sat in silence for a few moments. I didn’t know what to do.  I sat for a while. I waited. I even meditated – or well I tried. But the truth is I don’t know how to feel. I don’t know what I feel… Maybe I should go and read a book... My mind said. Unconsciously, I made  a move.

“And that was all I allowed myself,” my body sadly sighed.

Perhaps the biggest thing that Ayahuasca has taught me is that I am okay – no matter what I do. No matter who I choose to be.

And a big part of my first ceremony was focused on confronting this fear that I am not enough or that I might not live this life well enough.

Lying in the darkness, unsure of what to expect, I felt overwhelmed with anxiety. I desperately wanted someone to tell me what was happening; what I should do and that I was okay. But as I battled with my fear and confusion, I realized that in life there will never (and should never) be anyone around to tell you what to do or that you are good, bad or okay.

Instead, we must learn to trust ourselves and make our own decisions wholeheartedly.

If we can accept this, we accept life’s offer to explore this universe fully and experience expansion through our choices, whatever they may be.

The thing I feared most happened. Now I laugh; it’s not so bad.

As humans we fear as we seek to avoid pain and suffering.

But pain is a powerful teacher, and suffering is optional.

In any given moment, we are faced with multiple possibilities of interpreting the present situation.

No-one and no-thing has the power to make our lives “good” or “bad” and we alone are responsible for our own happiness.

1. Retire now.
2. Understand that happiness is more important than money and money is more important than power (over). Power over separates; money is a mere vehicle and happiness is what you are truly here for.
3. Ask questions with an open and honest agenda
4. Eat when you are hungry – what you want, when you want / honour your body.
5. Don’t say “I tried” just to look like you are doing something
6. Know that being a good, decent, respectable person does not mean others will see you as weak, unless you buy into that perception.
7. Seek to tell the truth.
8. Don’t commit to engagements you may not keep.
9. Love others and let them know why.
10. Enjoy being the best “you” that you can be.
11. Be satisfied with enough.
12. Don’t complain to manipulate.
13. Enjoy your own company & make time for yourself.
14. Question the world; write your own answers.

YOU ARE ALIVE SO LIVE.

Being happy can sometimes be a wild card. We all want to be happy, but happiness can be a difficult feeling to hold on to.

My Mum (a psychologist) has recently introduced be to the philosophy of ACT therapy, which I’ve adopted and found it to be a really helpful technique in being happier on a day to day basis.

ACT points out that those who measure the pleasure they derive from life by their goals are doomed to being unhappier because once one goal is achieved their brains instantly push them to aim for another. There is no breathing space to just “be” and acknowledge what they have already achieved. This is a really important factor if one is to lead a happy and fulfilling life.

So, instead of measuring life by goals, ACT therapy encourages one to live life by your values.

Let me illustrate this concept with a personal and example:

In the past I thought I could be productive in my days by setting goals. If I managed to achieve most of those goals that day I allowed myself to feel happy. But if I did not get much done I would not feel so good about myself – feeling as if I had wasted the day.

In adopting the ACT technique, rather than planning my day around achieving these goals e.g. clean room, revise french, spend some time meditating, exercise etc. I base my daily activities around what I value in life.

And so it is:

• I choose to clean my room because I value a clean space
• I choose to revise my french because I value learning
• I choose to meditate because I value my spiritual development
• I choose to exercise because I value the feeling of stretching and being alive

Living by values helps me to stay present and live life more mindfully. If I don’t get something I meant to get done done, it does not mean that the day is a failure. Rather, I can still be happy as I know that I have lived out the day to the best of my ability as I chose to do things that reflected my core values.

This gives me more freedom to be present. Today for example, I spent a whole hour just sitting outside, sipping on tea. In the past that would not seem productive to me. But as I change my perspective, acknowledging that I found that activity very enjoyable, it becomes a valuable and worthy way of spending my time and I can be happy.

What I know about true happiness…

- It’s spontaneous
- Not always rational
- Doesn’t need to be justified & shouldn’t really be questioned
- Is not dependent on external factors unless you define it as so
- Causes you to forget about your fears, worries, shortcomings, failures and past pains
- Keeps you present and connects you with the divine

What I am certain about true happiness…

- You don’t “need” anything in particular to be happy (though some things can make it easier).
- It is not derived from collection or accumulation but rather based on being satisfied in having enough, learning more and sharing your experiences with others.
- It is found through balance across all areas in life – mind, body soul,  consciousness, sub-consciousness and super consciousness, past, present, future, work, play, passion, vices, dreaming, doing, being, changing, etc. etc.
- When I acknowledge that this moment is satisfying a previous desire I enjoy it more.

What makes me happy is…

– Knowing that I am on the right path
– Creating, being productive, pursueing my dreams
- Exercise, walking, swimming -> physical activity!
- Doing kundalini yoga
- Taking on new challenges
- Connecting with nature
- Eating raw and wholesome foods – but not overdoing it
- Reading, writing, learning more
- Exploring, being fascinated
- Sharing experiences
- Connecting with others -> good company
- Feeling inspired and inspiring others

What I don’t have that would make me happy…

– Control over/freedom from my binge eating/self sabotaging routine. Though, I do realize that I can be and have been happy despite this.
- I would also like to know more about a lot of things – like how to speak other languages, the essences of other cultures, the concepts behind other religions, a deeper understanding of the human body, how to use herbal remedies, the names of plant an animal species…& the list goes on…

I wont be happy until…

– I realize that I can be happy now. That there is pleasure to be found in this moment if I can let go of wanting more.
– I get rid of this binge-eating cycle (sometimes it feels that way).

What I know about dealing with other people’s happiness…

- Sometimes I feel guilty for feeling happy when another does not. And so I pretend I am unhappy – which tends to attract things that make me unhappy (a self-fulfilling prophecy).
- For the most part, if others are happy their happiness rubs off on me!

What I have learnt from books & others about happiness…

– Life is so much simpler than we make it
- It’s okay to be happy; we don’t have to suffer
- You can have it all. Unless you tell yourself that you can’t…
- You can’t judge another’s life based on your own definition of happiness – it just doesn’t work!
- When you  spend time with negative, unhappy people it can have a harsh effect on your own happiness…

What I regret about happiness is…

– All the times I have turned it away because I haven’t allowed myself to be open to it
- All the times I have sabotaged my pursuit of happiness (particularly with food) and fallen subject to defeat, becoming blue and ‘stuck’ as I have not allowed myself to move on and seek pleasure in other areas of life…
- All the times I have ignored the joy of the present moment in favour of what the future could hold…

What I believe about happiness despite my experiences…

– Happiness is defined by you
- You don’t need anything to be happy – recognize that it’s the wanting that holds you back.
- You shouldn’t have to justify why you feel good – sometimes you just do and that is great!

Final comments on happiness…

- “Sunshine all the time makes a desert” -> we need contrast (unhappiness, sadness, loneliness, discontentedness) to experience true happiness. Embrace the darkness too.
- Enjoy the moments when you are happy – don’t waste your time trying to analyze why – work to be present.
- Allow yourself to be happy, move on from disappointment, do what you need to do.

Now ask yourself!