LESS EGO / MORE SOUL

Hola,

This week has been a busy one and I sadly haven’t found a moment to write.

So it is, you might like to take this opportunity to delve into some of my archived posts.

Here are five I recommend:

The Fisherman

Unconditional Love

The Loss of Childhood Innocence

Enough

The Calf Path

I’ve spoken before about “normal” vs. “natural” and the egoic conditioning that is thick in the western culture, motivating us to act (often without thinking) from a place of fear, rather than a place of love.

Greed is an example of this; the idea that more = better. This is the age of consumerism after all, and so it’s easy to fall into the traps of such lack mentality.

Greed, however, is not in our original nature.

How do I know this?

A simple example – I remember as a child, being confused in this instance:

My brother and I had been given five whole dollars to spend on desert in a candy store as a special treat.

By my calculations we were rich (at least in those days), with at least $2.50 each to spend. Quite normally, I set out to get my moneys worth.

My younger brother, on the other hand, was not yet tainted with greed and selected (only?) two modest candy products, coming to a grand total of 80 cents.

This left me perplexed – didn’t he realise that all the change would be going back to M&D so that in order to make the most of this opportunity he should really stock up?

Forgive my naivety, I was only 8 and learning fast from those around me without a second thought. Having more things, particularly “special” or “rare” items was suggested to be advantageous as it often appeared to equate to power over others which current society breeds us to desire. However, over the years I’ve discovered many flaws in these beliefs which have inspired me to abandon such mindsets…

They made coins round so they could roll baby.

We tend to imprison our possessions, saving our favourite things up for that elusive “special occasion” and keeping that which we value literally under lock and key. We like to think we own these things, that they are “precious” and that by owning them we are special. But this is really just an ego trip and a power game because nothing is truly “ours” – everything is just borrowed.

When we subscribe to a lack mentality, our fears and insecurities are often reinforced as the object of value gets lost, broken or stolen. This is no wonder, when at an energetic level these little prisoners are thinking, “What is this? I want to be free! All we want to do is shine and be appreciated by others, but here we are locked up, alone in the dark!” And so they form elaborate escape plans and take note not to come back. They sit there in solitude, praying for help until pirates, gypsies and thieves come to the rescue, liberating them from their penitentiary.

Reflected in The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali, I love how Patanjali talks to his money with an attitude of “If you want to come, come [and] when you want to go, go. Then everything will say: Why do you push me away? Let me stay with you – don’t send me away! The moment we try to hold on to them however, they become bored…and then they run away.”

After all, money, in it’s purest form is really just a physical marker of energy flow, and energy was made to flow freely. It allows us to trade and transform our own creativity and unique skill-set so that we can choose to support that which we deem worthwhile.

True alchemy lies in being able to recognise the possibilities that lie before us. To feel limitless opportunities existing, beyond time and space; just waiting to be expressed.

Understanding this, a true alchemist learns to consciously direct their energy – with gratitude – towards the most desirable outcome. This is the art of manifestation.

They are patient, taking the time to listen to their environment; to interpret life’s symbolism and to connect with the collective consciousness.

The have learnt to surrender to the now, to see beyond the illusion of “reality” and to adapt to the present situation – no matter the experience.

They see the space between the clutter and fear not its influence.

They do not dread pain, nor seek to avoid or dissolve it. Instead, they hold space for it, recognising that without pain, there would be no experience and no reference point for rapture.

And so, with non-attatchment they walk forward secure. Knowing that there is enough and that they are enough – just as they are.

Abundance is not about sipping your cocktail slowly so to ‘savor’ it.

It’s about allowing others to taste it, knowing that it wont be the last.

“What’s wrong?” I asked the body.

“No one listens to me…you don’t listen to me…you just go ahead and make decisions, like you think you know what’s best.”

“That’s not true.”

“Can you feel me now? Can you feel what I feel? I feel sick. And so we feel sick. And I tried to warn you; I tried to tell you to stop eating; that I’d had enough; that more would be too much to handle. But you just listened to the mind who said: more is better, more is good, and god this tastes amazing! But the mind is deluded. It doesn’t know how to feel. It gets distracted. It’s been conditioned. It doesn’t understand.”

“Come now, I’m sorry…”

“And then when I want more of something you listen to the mind again. Your exercising and I feel great. But the mind is bored. The ego is afraid; it doesn’t want to be silenced by the heart beating ecstatically in our chest. It doesn’t want it’s thoughts being pushed to the side as you surrender to existence; feeling the breath, flow through our lungs; feeling the blood rush through our veins. And so it says enough. I tried, and now lets stop. It tells you I’m not strong enough. And so you give up; afraid to go into the unknown. Little do you know I was just beginning to enjoy myself.”

“Look I’m really sorry…Can I make this up to you? What can I give you? Do you want food? Water? Do you want to rest?”

“No. You’re still not getting it. I want nothing. I need nothing. Except for you to check in with me from time to time; to listen to me at least as much as you listen to your mind; if not more…I watch you, day after day, walking aimlessly around, trying to find God; trying to experience enlightenment. But you can’t because you aren’t prepared to allow yourself to feel; to be with discomfort. Your mind – bless it’s chemistry – is too focused on finding remedies; “solutions” to the so called challenges of feeling. It’s a game the universe is playing with you; guarding its best kept secrets behind the façade of illusions…distractions to make you forget. I live in that world; where everything is beautiful and everything is right. But what is wrong is that you aren’t here to share that with me.”

“I want to be with you.”

My body laughed. “Oh it will take some time. But I would like that very much.”

“Okay, so how do I…?”

“Stop trying. Stop living by certain “rules”.  Just allow yourself to feel fully and act in alignment with those feelings. That’s all you need. Don’t listen to the mind and don’t think. Don’t judge and don’t try to change things. By all means gravitate towards that which makes you feel good, but try and stay aware of temptation; aware of distractions that lead you away from that which you seek so desperately; aware of your fear that invites those distractions. In other words, learn to be comfortable being uncomfortable.”

We sat in silence for a few moments. I didn’t know what to do.  I sat for a while. I waited. I even meditated – or well I tried. But the truth is I don’t know how to feel. I don’t know what I feel… Maybe I should go and read a book... My mind said. Unconsciously, I made  a move.

“And that was all I allowed myself,” my body sadly sighed.

Perhaps the biggest thing that Ayahuasca has taught me is that I am okay – no matter what I do. No matter who I choose to be.

And a big part of my first ceremony was focused on confronting this fear that I am not enough or that I might not live this life well enough.

Lying in the darkness, unsure of what to expect, I felt overwhelmed with anxiety. I desperately wanted someone to tell me what was happening; what I should do and that I was okay. But as I battled with my fear and confusion, I realized that in life there will never (and should never) be anyone around to tell you what to do or that you are good, bad or okay.

Instead, we must learn to trust ourselves and make our own decisions wholeheartedly.

If we can accept this, we accept life’s offer to explore this universe fully and experience expansion through our choices, whatever they may be.

A valuable lesson I have learnt over the course of my journey is that there is no need to have an excuse or a reason to heal.

Looking back over my life, I can see how I have created problems for myself, to fit in and to justify my ‘need’ for healing. Blinded by this, I closed myself off from love – my parents love particularly – and invited dis-ease into my life as I subconsciously sought to compensate for this suppression in other ways.

A symptom of this became evident when I realised that when I was sick I felt more comfortable in letting others fuss over me, nurture me, love me and so I would subconsciously attract sickness, when what I needed most was nurturing love.

Now I realise that in order to expand, I really need to let go of these attention-seeking behaviours and embrace the psychological femininity that allows one to process those raw emotions like pain, fear and sorrow in a healthy way.

When we create problems in our lives – consciously or unconsciously – we are creating our experience from a lack mentality, seeking to justify why we “deserve” to be healed; why we deserve love and attention.

This stems from the fear that there is not enough healing energy (unconditional love) to go around.

There is.

And wounded or not, we are all equal in our deservedness to receive such healing energy. We don’t even need to fully understand why we feel we need to heal for the healing to be justified. One just has to be motivated to expand and be the carefree person that they would like to be.

1. Retire now.
2. Understand that happiness is more important than money and money is more important than power (over). Power over separates; money is a mere vehicle and happiness is what you are truly here for.
3. Ask questions with an open and honest agenda
4. Eat when you are hungry – what you want, when you want / honour your body.
5. Don’t say “I tried” just to look like you are doing something
6. Know that being a good, decent, respectable person does not mean others will see you as weak, unless you buy into that perception.
7. Seek to tell the truth.
8. Don’t commit to engagements you may not keep.
9. Love others and let them know why.
10. Enjoy being the best “you” that you can be.
11. Be satisfied with enough.
12. Don’t complain to manipulate.
13. Enjoy your own company & make time for yourself.
14. Question the world; write your own answers.

YOU ARE ALIVE SO LIVE.

I enjoy life and its many pleasures without guilt.

I surrender to pleasure.

I am present in this moment.
Now. Here. NOWHERE.

I can live with the uncertain, be spontaneous and surrender to the unknown. In this way I invite in the magick of life.

I realise the perfection in enough. I am satisfied with less. I enjoy all things in moderation.

I let go of my obsessions, the stories of my past.

I am present. I am interested in you. I am here to hear your story.

I laugh, I smile, I live, I love, I spread peace, love and light contagiously.

I am generous, whether you appreciate it or not.

I am the master of my mind, the conductor of my body, the friend of my soul.

I accept myself. I forgive myself. I love myself.

I am a passionate lover. I sing and I dance unashamedly as I express my joy.

I see through the maya, letting go of unnecessary thoughts.

I travel lightly, I tread lightly on this earth, honouring the source with each step.

I am open to all teachings of the collective wisdom of the universe.

I recognise failure as an illusion.

I am honest.

I am that.
I am I.
I am also you, he, she and it.
We are all one.

LESS HUMAN / MORE BEING

LESS EGO /  MORE SOUL

NAMASTE

What I know about true happiness…

- It’s spontaneous
- Not always rational
- Doesn’t need to be justified & shouldn’t really be questioned
- Is not dependent on external factors unless you define it as so
- Causes you to forget about your fears, worries, shortcomings, failures and past pains
- Keeps you present and connects you with the divine

What I am certain about true happiness…

- You don’t “need” anything in particular to be happy (though some things can make it easier).
- It is not derived from collection or accumulation but rather based on being satisfied in having enough, learning more and sharing your experiences with others.
- It is found through balance across all areas in life – mind, body soul,  consciousness, sub-consciousness and super consciousness, past, present, future, work, play, passion, vices, dreaming, doing, being, changing, etc. etc.
- When I acknowledge that this moment is satisfying a previous desire I enjoy it more.

What makes me happy is…

– Knowing that I am on the right path
– Creating, being productive, pursueing my dreams
- Exercise, walking, swimming -> physical activity!
- Doing kundalini yoga
- Taking on new challenges
- Connecting with nature
- Eating raw and wholesome foods – but not overdoing it
- Reading, writing, learning more
- Exploring, being fascinated
- Sharing experiences
- Connecting with others -> good company
- Feeling inspired and inspiring others

What I don’t have that would make me happy…

– Control over/freedom from my binge eating/self sabotaging routine. Though, I do realize that I can be and have been happy despite this.
- I would also like to know more about a lot of things – like how to speak other languages, the essences of other cultures, the concepts behind other religions, a deeper understanding of the human body, how to use herbal remedies, the names of plant an animal species…& the list goes on…

I wont be happy until…

– I realize that I can be happy now. That there is pleasure to be found in this moment if I can let go of wanting more.
– I get rid of this binge-eating cycle (sometimes it feels that way).

What I know about dealing with other people’s happiness…

- Sometimes I feel guilty for feeling happy when another does not. And so I pretend I am unhappy – which tends to attract things that make me unhappy (a self-fulfilling prophecy).
- For the most part, if others are happy their happiness rubs off on me!

What I have learnt from books & others about happiness…

– Life is so much simpler than we make it
- It’s okay to be happy; we don’t have to suffer
- You can have it all. Unless you tell yourself that you can’t…
- You can’t judge another’s life based on your own definition of happiness – it just doesn’t work!
- When you  spend time with negative, unhappy people it can have a harsh effect on your own happiness…

What I regret about happiness is…

– All the times I have turned it away because I haven’t allowed myself to be open to it
- All the times I have sabotaged my pursuit of happiness (particularly with food) and fallen subject to defeat, becoming blue and ‘stuck’ as I have not allowed myself to move on and seek pleasure in other areas of life…
- All the times I have ignored the joy of the present moment in favour of what the future could hold…

What I believe about happiness despite my experiences…

– Happiness is defined by you
- You don’t need anything to be happy – recognize that it’s the wanting that holds you back.
- You shouldn’t have to justify why you feel good – sometimes you just do and that is great!

Final comments on happiness…

- “Sunshine all the time makes a desert” -> we need contrast (unhappiness, sadness, loneliness, discontentedness) to experience true happiness. Embrace the darkness too.
- Enjoy the moments when you are happy – don’t waste your time trying to analyze why – work to be present.
- Allow yourself to be happy, move on from disappointment, do what you need to do.

Now ask yourself!

“The more we have, the more bored we get.” Mad Men Season 3

Something I have been turning over in my mind a lot lately is our Western concept of ‘enough’.

I feel the mundane world loves to have more & generally more is considered better… What an interesting illusion we have created for ourselves…And I’ll admit I play along.

But every now and again, I come face to face with the truth.

That more is not always better.

That enough is what we really yearn for.

Enough.

It’s the point of satisfaction before greed sets in.

It’s when you realize that you don’t need anything more to make you happy.

You are content. Fulfilled. Satisfied.

Any more than, wont do you any favors. It’s just overkill.

Sometimes it’s a struggle to remember that you can have too much of a good thing; that less really is more. I observe myself overloading my body with too much. I watch a greedy ego take over my mind from time to time and I hate it. It’s toxic and it’s not really me. I know that.

I hate playing watchdog –  caring if my neighbor gets that little bit extra like it means I’m less worthy.

I hate re-acting to fear-based thoughts as opposed to choosing my actions and acting with love.

And so I’m desperately trying to shake the belief that “more is better”.

After over a decade of living in a world where we are constantly told that “there is not enough (for everyone) so you better get your hands on as much as you can (which is often more than enough for a single soul)…I can find a million ways to superficially justify why more would be better.

I can only conclude that justification is pretty darn useless when you are trying to connect with what is intrinsic and internal.

“Live simply so that you may simply live.” Conversations With God book 1.