LESS EGO / MORE SOUL

I know your faults

and your weakness -

I know your fears

and some of your dreams -

you are as brave as a lion

and as vulnerable

as a child -

I think I love you -

From The Thoughts of Nanushka, Volumes VII & VIII

By Nan Witcomb

Step One: Just be.

Step Two: Be honest.

Be reckless in expressing who you want to be.

Be open and honest in your justification,though realize that there is never any obligation or need to justify your behavior.

Seek to help others be happy and enjoy themselves,

But from a place of genuine love…Not fear or worry.

Give generously, but also take what you need.

Choose what happens next.

Really.

I have finally realized how much of the life I was living was dictated by other people’s stories. The stories that make up society’s constructions, our means of measuring “reasonable behaviour”. I also realised how we were led, so easily to stop listening to our bodies, to our soul, to our self as a whole and instead follow this code of behaviour blindly.

Time.

We have identified a “correct time” for everything in our daily lives. A time to wake, a time to eat, a time to drink alcohol, a time to work, a time to play, a time to sleep, a time to party…and the list goes on.

I, like many others, had fallen into the trap of living by the clock – rather, than listening to my body.

I would tell myself what it was time for and what it was not time for, ignoring, what my true self desired. I lost touch of how my body was feeling, and the ability to read what my body wanted to tell me. I would eat when I was not hungry, simply because ‘it was time for lunch’, sleep when I was not tired because “it was late”, and party when what I needed most was to rest.

It is living like this – out of touch – that leads us to become confused and then frustrated.

Confused because we give our body ‘something good’ but often not what it is asking for. And then frustrated when we do not feel satisfied because we do not know what it is we want.

I woke up this morning and decided to be different. To change. I did not get out of bed soon after waking to have breakfast; I wasn’t hungry. Instead I decided to read. Then to write. Then to shower. I forced myself to stay with the present moment. Do one thing at a time. And I enjoyed it a hell of a lot more than ever. When I did get hungry consequently around 1pm, I made myself something good and ate it. In peace, doing nothing else. Feeling happy, alive and satisfied I asked myself “So what do I want to do next?”

I’m at Lake Tahoe at the moment. There’s snow on the streets, something so simple yet taken for granted in this neck of the woods. I went for a walk through the trees with my brother, and despite not wearing the right clothing or the consequences that could be, I allowed myself to freely fall back into it’s soft mass. We made snow angels, laughing our heads off like little kids again. When the laughter subsided we were left looking at the vast blue sky. Breathing in and out, long and deep. It was a moment of joy; when you realize this is what it is to be living.

“When I used to read biographies of writers, I always thought they were simply trying to make their profession seem more interesting when they said that ‘the book writes itself, the writer is just the typist’.

Now i know that this is absolutely true, no-one knows why the current took them to that particular island and not to the one they wanted to reach. The obsessive re-drafting and editing begins, and when I can no longer bear to re-read the same words one more time, I send it to my publisher, where it is edited again, and then published.

And it is a constant source of surprise to me to discover that other people were also in search of that very island and that they find it in my book. One person tells another person about it, the mysterious chain grows, and what the writer thought of as a solitary exercise becomes a bridge, a boat, a means by which souls can travel and communicate.

From then on, I am no longer the man lost in the storm: I find myself through my readers, I understand it too, but never before. On a few rare occasions, I manage to look those people in the eye and then I understand that my soul is not alone.”

Paulo Coelho, The Zahir pg.72.

It’s spending money on memories, not on material objects, without a second thought.

It’s coming down from the night before with no regrets.

It’s running naked and having no shame, no insecurities – and not because you know you waxed, tanned and pampered yourself the night before vainly trying to emulate the sense of ‘perfection’ the beauty industry pushes onto us.

It’s understanding the difference between fear and love and knowing that you loving someone is enough & not being fearful as to weather or not they love you back.

It’s seeing sex for what it is – self expression. There is no need for guilt, worry or regret.

It’s laughing at yourself and all the stupid ‘errors’ of your past, but, enjoying the experience of it all nonetheless.

It’s choosing what happens next, creating every moment, consciously, and relishing the results.

It’s enjoying the consequences of your actions, having no expectations and therefore choosing never to be disappointed.

It’s saying ‘I am’, ‘I will’, ‘I can’ and ‘I desire’ [rather than 'I should' ‘I want’ or 'oneday...'], and knowing your word to be truth.

It’s doing, changing, pursuing, things because you want to and not for anybody else.

It’s knowing that this is heaven.

It’s understanding that the world is just an illusion, and that it is perfectly okay to milk it for all the pleasure it provides and taking up all opportunity it gives birth to.  Money, power and happiness are not bad.

It’s understanding the importance of quality not quantity, understanding that more is not always better.

It’s speaking your truth quietly but clearly.

It’s following your dreams with no fear.

It’s believing in what you sell.

It’s never judging, but observing, keeping an open mind and seeking to understand why another has a different preference to yours.

It’s enjoying the journey as much as the destination.

It’s accepting the truth, not even trying to justify your actions -  just knowing that you are what you are and what you are is magnificent.