LESS EGO / MORE SOUL

Don’t be dissapointed because someone isn’t acting how you expect or want them to. Your experience is your responsibility as it is determined by the ways in which you choose to respond to any given situation. Life gets easier when you stop having expectations of others, for just as nobody can tell you what is best for you, there is no way you can know what is best for antoher…And even if you were to guess right it is not your responsibility to tell another how to live.

Often you will find, that that which is ‘in the way’, is the way.

“The present is lost the moment you begin to think in terms of achieving something.”  - OSHO

I don’t think that means that we shouldn’t try to achieve things in life, but rather, perhaps it goes to say that it is quite normal, or even important, to live some of life outside of the present moment. And yet, in those moments when you are trying to enjoy the present, I think it helps to recognise that you need to let go of your expectations and ambitions.

Our consciousness is a mirror.

It reflects nothing more than the present state of life as things come and go continuously.

And just like a mirror, consciousness does not dance when you dance, nor cry, nor laugh, nor move as you do.

It is simply there, observing and reflecting our actions without attachment and without judgement.

Pure presence.

Rattle me, and my
Xylophone bones
It’s cold outside
All alone

Grandmother, Grandmother
Ancient and old
Tell me a story
Show me your soul…

The Amazon calls
A home with no walls
And now I can feel you
My creator, my maker

The purest desire
To touch with my hands
To play with the darkness
Experience contrast

So this is the joy
This is the answer
Consciously seeking
What my heart aches for.

So teach me to love
Teach me to care
Teach me to let go
Of the scars that I bear

What is it to feel?
To care what is real?
To be having these thoughts now
Unaware of their meaning

The vine of the soul
Taking me home
Embracing uncertainty,
I’m letting my guard down.

And I understand now
As you pour salt on my wounds
It stings like a snake bite,
Lying here breathing

But I am alive
In my own lucid dream
Passion like thunder
Alpha / Omega

Its time to evolve,
Live life and grow old
A thousand little deaths now
This is what I live for…

I’m aware of this life
I don’t live to survive
But because I want to
No longer an orphan

And with new awareness
Accepting the madness
I’m choosing to play now
This moment is mine.

Forget and remember
This is never ending
My truth is simple:
I am still breathing.

And it comes and It goes
It ebbs and it flows
The transitory nature
Of a life fully lived.

Going through my notes from the temple, I was struck with a deeper understanding of the fear I was confronted with during my first Ayahuasca ceremony. I remember the profound déjà vu, and how I was disappointed with the realization that I was all there is. I felt alone despite all of the parts of me that I had created on this earth in order to address this sadness.

I felt my loneliness echoing around me, bouncing off the harsh truth of what it means to be absolutely everything; the reality that illusions are, at the end of the day, just illusions. This was the birth of the purest desire to create separation, others, playmates, a distraction from this lonely hell. And while we, The Source enjoy our self as we exert our creativity in the formation of this universe, there is still loneliness at the end of the day.

We, God, are an island, surrounded by no-thing-ness; a blank canvas for creation. An orphan.

Alone we play all the parts, creating the illusions of others, orchestrating the story of humanity like a child creates their own world as they play with their dolls, producing a range of characters and drama. And we are addicted to this insignificant game of life, the amusement it provides and the satisfaction we get from experiencing the spectrum of all life has to offer.

At this realisation, I laughed at myself for wanting or expecting to ‘get somewhere’ or to attain enlightenment through rigorous spiritual practice, because in this omnipresent state it was clear to me that living as a human was much more exciting than the world beyond. [I note that there are some very beautiful places to visit beyond ‘reality’ and that spiritual practice can be very fulfilling when done from a place of enjoyment rather than duty, guilt or obligation, however, it is our human perspective and the contrast of our earthly lives that makes these other worlds so alluring in the first place.]

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* I use the word God here as spiritual shorthand to describe life, love, the source, the universe, existence, the soul or whatever else you believe in.