LESS EGO / MORE SOUL

As I mentioned in a previous post, when you desire to change something about yourself, it is important first to accept what is.

Below is a powerful exercise in learning to accept what is. It explores the relationship we have with the habits we form, exposing the love-hate dynamic that reinforces our behaviors. While this is essential to understand in order to inspire change, it can often be overlooked.

1. Make a list of things you don’t like about yourself – who you are, how you behave etc.

2. Then go back and beside each point, find and write down something to love about each thing…

For example:

Shadow Side — Acceptance
Overworking — passionate about creating
Overeating — sensitive soul
etc…

Being happy can sometimes be a wild card. We all want to be happy, but happiness can be a difficult feeling to hold on to.

My Mum (a psychologist) has recently introduced be to the philosophy of ACT therapy, which I’ve adopted and found it to be a really helpful technique in being happier on a day to day basis.

ACT points out that those who measure the pleasure they derive from life by their goals are doomed to being unhappier because once one goal is achieved their brains instantly push them to aim for another. There is no breathing space to just “be” and acknowledge what they have already achieved. This is a really important factor if one is to lead a happy and fulfilling life.

So, instead of measuring life by goals, ACT therapy encourages one to live life by your values.

Let me illustrate this concept with a personal and example:

In the past I thought I could be productive in my days by setting goals. If I managed to achieve most of those goals that day I allowed myself to feel happy. But if I did not get much done I would not feel so good about myself – feeling as if I had wasted the day.

In adopting the ACT technique, rather than planning my day around achieving these goals e.g. clean room, revise french, spend some time meditating, exercise etc. I base my daily activities around what I value in life.

And so it is:

• I choose to clean my room because I value a clean space
• I choose to revise my french because I value learning
• I choose to meditate because I value my spiritual development
• I choose to exercise because I value the feeling of stretching and being alive

Living by values helps me to stay present and live life more mindfully. If I don’t get something I meant to get done done, it does not mean that the day is a failure. Rather, I can still be happy as I know that I have lived out the day to the best of my ability as I chose to do things that reflected my core values.

This gives me more freedom to be present. Today for example, I spent a whole hour just sitting outside, sipping on tea. In the past that would not seem productive to me. But as I change my perspective, acknowledging that I found that activity very enjoyable, it becomes a valuable and worthy way of spending my time and I can be happy.

Traveling in a Different Way – taken from Paulo Coelho’s Blog

When I was very young I discovered that, for me, a journey is the best way to learn. I still have this pilgrim’s soul to this day, and have decided to relate some of the lessons I have learned, in the hope that they will be useful to other like-minded pilgrims.

1] Avoid museums. This advice may seem absurd, but let us reflect a little together: if you are in a foreign city, isn’t it far more interesting to seek out the present, than the past? Usually, people feel obliged to go to museums, because ever since they were small they have been told that traveling is a search for this type of culture. Of course museums are important, but they require time and objectivity – you need to know what it is you want to see there, otherwise you will come away with the impression that you saw several things which are fundamental to your life, but cannot remember what they were.

2] Frequent bars. Unlike museums, this is where the life of the city can be found. Bars are not discotheques, but places where the people gather to have a drink, pass the time, and are always willing to chat. Buy a newspaper and observe the bustle of people coming and going. If someone speaks to you, strike up a conversation, however banal: one cannot judge the beauty of a path merely by looking at its entrance.

3] Be open and forward. The best tourist guide is someone who lives there, knows everything, but doesn’t work at a travel agency. Go out into the street, choose someone you wish to speak to, and ask him or her for directions (where is such-and-such a cathedral? Where is the post office?) If this bears no fruit, try someone else – I guarantee that in the end you will find excellent company.

4] Try and travel alone, or – if you are married – with your spouse. It will be harder work, no one will be looking after you, but this is the only way of truly leaving your country. Group travel is just a disguised way of pretending to go abroad, where you speak your own language, obey the leader of the pack, and concern yourself more with the internal gossip of the group than with the place you are visiting.

5] Don’t compare. Don’t compare anything – not prices, nor cleanliness, nor quality of life, nor means of transport, nothing! You are not traveling in order to prove you live better than others – your search, in fact, is to find out how others live, what they have to teach, how they view reality and the extraordinary things in life.

6] Understand that everyone understands you. Even if you don’t speak the language, don’t be afraid: I have been in many places in which there was no way of communicating with words, and I always found support, guidance, important suggestions, even girlfriends. Some people think that if you travel alone, you will go out into the street and be lost forever. All you need is the hotel card in your pocket, and – should you find yourself in extreme circumstances – take a taxi and show it to the driver.

7] Don’t buy much. Spend your money on things which you won’t have to carry: good theater, restaurants, walks. Nowadays, with the global market and the Internet, you can have everything you want without having to pay for excess baggage.

8] Don’t try and see the world in a month. It is better to stay in one city for four or five days, that visit five cities in a week. A city is like a capricious woman, who needs time to be seduced and reveal herself completely.

9] A journey is an adventure. Henry Miller said that it is far more important to discover a church no one has heard of, than go to Rome and feel obliged to visit the Sistine Chapel, with two hundred thousand tourists shouting all around you. Go to the Sistine Chapel, but also get lost in the streets, wander down alleyways, feel free to look for something, without knowing what it is. I swear you will find it and that it will change your life.

Copyright © 2010 Paulo Coelho

People often ask me what K.A.P.L.O. stands for.

Time to reaveal the secret…

Each letter corresponds to the 5 steps of manifestation:

K  - Know it

A – Accept it

P – Praise it

L – Love it

and finally,

O – Own it

People often make the mistake in manifesting of ‘asking’ for something. Or worse still, they put a time limit on their hearts desire and give up when it doesn’t appear within such boundries.

The thing about manifestation is that it does not work within our invented perceptions of time and space.

And to ‘ask’ is to voice your uncertainty of the outcome (just as like attracts like, so does fear attract fear).

So use K.A.P.L.O. as a guide.

Say to yourself:

I know ____ is coming…I accept ____ into my reality…I praise ____, it is a beautiful thing…I love ____ – it brings me joy! I own ___ – and visualize yourself engaging with the desired. Repeat the process and when you feel it is time, let go of your fixation, knowing it will find its way to you eventually.

On meeting celebrities…

1. Smile, give them a chance to approach you.

2. Give them a lazy compliment, nothing too fanatic. Something along the lines of: ‘It’s a pleasure to meet you (first name). I really like what you bring to the table in the ____ industry…’ Note: Don’t ever lie when you compliment them. Just be honest. If you aren’t really a fan don’t pretend you are. Shit’s not for everybody. Remember that they are just as human as you are so if you can’t be nice stay away.

3. Excuse yourself from the conversation; give them space.

Too many people either crowd them and douse them in compliments or go to the other extreme by trying to put them down and feel insignificant. I’ve made both mistakes before; It’s embarrassing.