LESS EGO / MORE SOUL

1. Stand on their level - the aim is to create an equal, relaxed, human-to-human connection.
2. Remove your sunglasses and look them straight in the eyes.
   
3.  Say as little as possible BUT try to answer direct questions as honestly and directly as possible – though NEVER deny or confess (without the advice of a lawyer).
4. Know your rights and declare them in a respectful manner.
5. Remember that a polite & respectful attitude can save you money.

No matter the excuse; the illusory reasons that present themselves in “reality”, sadness, only really arises with the fear of uncertainty as change pushes one further into the unknown.

Understanding this, we can hold space for our sadness with trust that the universe will look after us – no matter what. It’s all just a part of the circular spectrum after all. Grieving for what is now no more is completely natural, as we adjust to the possibilities of the future.

If there is one thing that life has taught me; its that teachers come in many, many forms and it is often those we fail to recognize, that have the most to offer us.

In fact, I’ve come to realise that the best teachers are the ones that disappoint your expectations at the end of the day, as they demonstrate their own mortality.

This, for a few reasons:

1)   Disappointment is a great teacher in itself. It encourages us to consider and reflect on our own expectations and projections which ultimately nurture suffering.

It also provides us with an opportunity to expand or contract.

To expand in this instance, would mean to evaluate, the teachings of that sage while holding on to their insights that you know feel true for you.

To contract however, would be to discredit all their wisdom, purely because they have not lived up to your holy image of them.

When we can hold space for our own disappointment, we grow and breakthrough the limitations of our expectations. In this way, we clear space for more opportunities.

2)   When a teacher or guru “disappoints” our highest expectations, through recognizing them as human (just like us), we are able to reclaim our own power and understand that we are the ones we’ve been waiting for; that you are the one you’ve been waiting for.

3)   I don’t believe, “enlightenment” can be taught by a single person and I personally think that any “saint” who lives a life based on rigid tradition is missing the point. Rather, “enlightenment” is absorbed through experience and exposure to a vast range of views. It comes from sifting through information and learning to discriminate between that which ultimately serves you and that which does not. After all, it is by reflecting on our interactions that real growth happens.

To consume information mindlessly, is pointless. When we find a truth and consciously seek to implement it in our daily life, we may struggle and contradict ourselves, but it is this journey that provides us with the understanding necessary to sustainably evolve.

A great example of this, is when one begins to explore and contrast the many religions out there. Personally I am not a fan of dogma and I recoil at the thought of a God who should be feared, however, I can still recognize and appreciate the nuggets of truth that are embedded in all religions.

The trick is to learn to discriminate between the “gospel” and that which feels true for you – and from those latter insights build your own religion.

I’d like to dispel a few common myths…

This idea that there are certain topics of conversation that are too “taboo” to discuss with others.

That in asking questions inspired by a natural curiosity, we might be seen as inappropriate.

That clarifying where we are at in our relationships with others is too risky and revealing.

That in being transparent, others will judge or lose interest in us.

No lie is harmless.
Silence breeds assumptions.
Assumptions breed expectations.
Expectations breed disappointment & suffering.

This is why it is so important in our own evolution to find our voice, to learn to respectfully ask for what we want and to express ourselves accurately.

You can ask for anything.
You can talk about anything.
And you can also neglect to talk about certain things if you feel your privacy is being invaded.

But I encourage you to acknowledge the moments when you silence yourself for fear of embarrassment and be vigilant about the assumptions you make in your relationships with others.

You can be honest and people will still love you.

After all, authenticity is attractive.

Because it is through making ourselves vulnerable that we become invulnerable as we abandon our egoic conditioning and accept ourselves for who we are and not who we appear to be.

& often it comes down to one casual conversation vs. a thousand awkward moments.

I’ve spoken before about “normal” vs. “natural” and the egoic conditioning that is thick in the western culture, motivating us to act (often without thinking) from a place of fear, rather than a place of love.

Greed is an example of this; the idea that more = better. This is the age of consumerism after all, and so it’s easy to fall into the traps of such lack mentality.

Greed, however, is not in our original nature.

How do I know this?

A simple example – I remember as a child, being confused in this instance:

My brother and I had been given five whole dollars to spend on desert in a candy store as a special treat.

By my calculations we were rich (at least in those days), with at least $2.50 each to spend. Quite normally, I set out to get my moneys worth.

My younger brother, on the other hand, was not yet tainted with greed and selected (only?) two modest candy products, coming to a grand total of 80 cents.

This left me perplexed – didn’t he realise that all the change would be going back to M&D so that in order to make the most of this opportunity he should really stock up?

Forgive my naivety, I was only 8 and learning fast from those around me without a second thought. Having more things, particularly “special” or “rare” items was suggested to be advantageous as it often appeared to equate to power over others which current society breeds us to desire. However, over the years I’ve discovered many flaws in these beliefs which have inspired me to abandon such mindsets…

They made coins round so they could roll baby.

We tend to imprison our possessions, saving our favourite things up for that elusive “special occasion” and keeping that which we value literally under lock and key. We like to think we own these things, that they are “precious” and that by owning them we are special. But this is really just an ego trip and a power game because nothing is truly “ours” – everything is just borrowed.

When we subscribe to a lack mentality, our fears and insecurities are often reinforced as the object of value gets lost, broken or stolen. This is no wonder, when at an energetic level these little prisoners are thinking, “What is this? I want to be free! All we want to do is shine and be appreciated by others, but here we are locked up, alone in the dark!” And so they form elaborate escape plans and take note not to come back. They sit there in solitude, praying for help until pirates, gypsies and thieves come to the rescue, liberating them from their penitentiary.

Reflected in The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali, I love how Patanjali talks to his money with an attitude of “If you want to come, come [and] when you want to go, go. Then everything will say: Why do you push me away? Let me stay with you – don’t send me away! The moment we try to hold on to them however, they become bored…and then they run away.”

After all, money, in it’s purest form is really just a physical marker of energy flow, and energy was made to flow freely. It allows us to trade and transform our own creativity and unique skill-set so that we can choose to support that which we deem worthwhile.

(c) Ruth Morris, 2010

Does the earth hate & feel sorry for itself when it gets pissed on?

Does it hate & begrudge the one who pisses on?

Quite frankly, No.

Love, accept, adapt & move on.

We all have egos. Some are out of control while others consume the self with insecurity and self-pity. Some of us are aware of our ego; others remain ignorant. Many of us see the ego as a negative quality of human nature and seek to supress it. I see the goal, however, as not to eliminate the ego – but to train it as an aid in our own pursuit of fulfillment as we traverse the many paths through life.

So, what is the ego?

Recently I have been delving into the works of Martin Ball, who describes the ego as a complicated software that essentially exists to provide contrast to our otherwise omnipresent state of being. As one, we know that we are all – empty and complete, however, that knowing is hell without any contrast to compare it to – which is how the ego serves its purpose.

In essence, the ego is our own unique filter system, causing us to perceive separation throughout the world. It classifies the stimuli of the universe by that which “I am” and that which “I am not“ / by that which “I like”, and that “I do not”. In doing so, it allows us to build up our own personal identity of self based on association, providing us with a unique life experience as we pursue our own individual desires.

While traditionally it was a survival mechanism put in place to keep our primal bodies alive, today, with the public portrayal of self, it is forever poised to present one as superior to another.

Saying that, while the ego can be our downfall, enlightenment does not come from transcending the ego, but in understanding and mastering the ego so that it may serve its true purpose. That is, to motivate you to live a satisfying and fulfilling life, as you identify and pursue your own desires and dreams.

However, it is a journey in itself, to unwind the ego’s twistedness – conditioned through experience to avoid past pains and embarrassments.

In essence, the ego functions to generate a whole range of artificial constructs of the self, and seeks to protect these constructs at all costs. As Martin Ball eloquently puts it:

“The last thing that the ego wants to is to be confronted with the reality that, “You’re full of shit,” as that does not reaffirm its sense of self and world.  In fact, it conflicts with it dramatically.  When such a confrontation occurs, egos have a couple of choices.  One is to pretend that nothing happened, and go about business as usual.  The other is to hold on even stronger to the self-generated illusions, especially through finding others who share similar illusions and allow for group identity, or, embark on an existential crisis that may or may not resolve beneficially.  If beneficial, the individual will find a new state of liberation from the constructs of the ego.  If not beneficial, the ego will simply adopt a new set of beliefs and structures in place of the old ones.”

In this crusade it often evokes conflict, violence, hate, fear, greed, judgment, jealousy, rage, victimization, self-pity, indulgence, suffering and pain.

However, it is from this chaos that the beauty of the life experience is really born with the gifts of curiosity, exploration, inquisitiveness, creativity and the opportunity to learn and discover the radiant mystery that lies at the centre of our existence.

While at times it may not seem so, the journey as we move through the spectrum of experience, encourages us to learn from and master our egos so that we may revel in the beauty of life without suffering. This is only a desirable destination however, because we have experienced the “dark” contrast perpetuated by an ego that is out of control.

Whether you choose to drink a small coffee or large coffee,

drink skim milk, full cream or green tea,

indulge in drugs & alcohol

or enjoy a life of purity,

let your choices be an expression of who you are

& NOT tainted with the guilt or burden

of thinking that by dimming your light,

you could possibly make another feel better.

The Buddhists are known to practice the art of non-confirmation.

This means they refrain from giving and seeking confirmation of one’s words, of one’s actions and of one’s self.

By doing so, they forge their own path toward freedom.

No longer are they caught up with the illusions of the external world, warping their truth and distracting their presence.

No longer are they governed by their ego, vying to gain power-over through the portrayal of a particular image of self.

Instead, they are left – at first, quite uncomfortably – with only the judgment of their own mind and the guidance of their own moral compass.

And this is where the magic happens…
Where one really gets to know themselves,
Where one is cordially invited commune with their soul;
To discover what it is they truly ache for and pursue it with passion and reckless abandon.

Why do we fear ourselves?

Why do we doubt ourselves?

Why do we question our own judgment?

Why do we think, for one second, that another could possibly tell us how to live our own lives any better than by the guidance of our own hearts?

Why are we so afraid to take the reins; to claim our decisions as our own?

Because if we were “wrong” than who’d be to blame?

If we “failed”, than how would we recover from such a loss of face?

But think about it, has life ever thrown you something you couldn’t handle?

You might think so, but you’re still here; you survived.

At worst you might have wound up a little bruised and battered.

Embarrassed perhaps… But you recovered and you evolved.

Acknowledge the state of your physical body (the sacred vessel of your spirit) as a symbolic sculpture of the life you lead.

If you love your life then why not worship your body – whatever its size, whatever its shape?

Regardless of where it fits in cotrast to society’s view of beauty and ideals, if life feels good then change your perceptions to embrace its unique perfection.

And, if life feels bad change your existence – not to meet the expectations of others, or emulate what is sold as a valuable depiction of “success”.

No, change it to meet your soul’s yearning for love, for connection, for joy, for contentment, for exploration, for thrills and  for memories of delicious moments well spent.

Because life is supposed to feel good and who could ever definitively judge what a feeling looks like?

We tell ourselves lies: “if only I was ______, then I could be happy.”

Recognise that your quality of life would actually be no better; albeit perhaps a little less weighed down by your crying consciousness and the judgement that governs these lies.

When you were a child you never thought this way.

You’ve been conditioned to believe that you are not enough and after so many years you’re now using these lies as excuses; because you would find it too uncomfortable to actually cross the finish line.

What would you do with all that power; with all that responsibility?

Ignore the lies and focus on being happy first. Then decide if what you wanted was really ever that important.

If you subscribe to the egoic view of life – that you are in control of your experience (rather than God or fate) – one must come to accept that they have created all their suffering and all their struggle. This then provokes the question: Why?

Well here’s the thing: I know that by anyone’s standards I lead a blessed life. I am lucky to live in such a beautiful country, in a beautiful home, with a family that loves me and a solid group of amazing friends. But who would I be if my ‘blessed’ external experiences were all that shaped me?

It is the struggle in my life that has led me to remember myself; who I am and what I came for; what I have and what I ache for.

Adversity is our strongest teacher. Many others have experienced physical adversity, leading them to grow and evolve. Many who were faced with external adversity also looked at me saying that I had it too easy.

Feeling dislocated, I unconsciously created pain and suffering for myself in order to fit in. But the divinity of the situation goes deeper than this. While at first it did just appear to grow from the desire to belong, I can now expand to see that it was also always about having the experiences I needed to push me to grow.

On that note, I know that many spiritual beliefs preach that suffering is unnecessary. And in a way it is unnecessary – as in, it’s a choice of perspective. But this does not mean that suffering is not an important part of the human experience. Rather, suffering offers a divine platform of self-realization– a challenge to which the accomplishment of passing through adversity provides the reward of remembering who we are and why we are here, which ultimately feels euphoric.

We see this reflected in the stories of many great leaders; that their ability to live a life of integrity and wisdom is often the result of their own encounters with adversity – external and internal. Because without the struggle there is no challenge; no risk; no game; no fun and no opportunity for expansion.