LESS EGO / MORE SOUL

“I wish I could tell the young people in my life to not waste any time. To be happy now. Don’t waste time making anybody else feel guilty or otherwise manipulating other people’s emotions. (You always have to destroy your own emotions in order to get any results!)You can’t make someone feel guilty without first making yourself miserable. To free yourself from misery, you must not want anything from anybody. Your happiness must come from within. Not from your friends, family, or partners. You don’t need any one of them for your happiness. You have it within you right now. All you have to do is claim it. Recognize it. Give thanks for it. And thus you’ll be cultivating it. And it will grow!”

- Jinjee Talifero, The Garden Diet

Traveling has made me realize that time is not endless.

I am having to become very comfortable in making new friends and then letting them go.

But as people come and go it’s important to recognize that the length of time they stay in your life is by no means an indication of the impact and importance of their role in your life.

I want to meet a million, billion great people in this lifetime, and share just as many god-awesome experiences with them.

Because life is long enough – truly.
It really just comes down to what you make of it. You get what you put in!

The best part about exploring the world on my own like this is that I am the only person around to paint the picture of who I am…

I am free. To choose and to change, who I am and who I would like to be.

Something I was reminded of when flicking through last years travel journals…

Boy: I like you a lot. Be my girlfriend?

She smiles

Girl: I like you too. But, I’d rather not put a label on it…

Boy: Why not? Are you afraid of commitment?

Girl: Not afraid. Just cautious.

If we put a label on it, the relationship changes from a choice to an obligation. Sure, it means stability, but often at the cost of taking it for granted. Without a label, we don’t forget that our relationship is fragile – something we need to work on, together. It keeps things new. It keeps things interesting. It keeps us honest.

And if it doesn’t work out…alas it was never meant to be.

What I am focusing on this week:
Saying “Yes I’ll do it”, when asked to do something.

Not trying to excuse myself by justifying “but I don’t have enough time”. That’s my ego speaking and it’s not doing me any favors.

As the Huna proverb reminds me: energy flows where attention goes, so emphasising how I might be pushed for time is only going to reinforce a time-poor reality.

We all like to think we are time-poor, but nevertheless, some things – like washing the dishes – need to be done.

When I protest, my ego is trying to make out that my time is more important than others. It is not. Anyway, life always seems to work itself out in the end…There is enough time.

I think too,  I’ve been conditioned to “hate” doing certain tasks (like washing the dishes, doing laundry, cleaning etc.) because growing up I’ve seen the people around me avoiding doing these tasks.

I realized, that I don’t actually hate doing these tasks. Rather, when I am doing them I find my self surrendering pretty easily to the moment. It’s a mediation in that sense. Peace.

SO this week I’m experimenting with this idea.  I figure that if I were to accept doing such chores more often and openly, perhaps I’ll find a higher sense of peace and stability in amongst the rushing river of life.

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But when i do the dishes
I run the water very very very hot
And then i fill the sink to the top with bubbles of soap
And then i set all the bottle caps i own afloat
And it’s the greatest voyage in the history of plastic
And then i slip my hands in and start to make waves
And then i dip my tongue in a take a taste
It tastes like soap but it doesn’t realy taste like soap
And then i lower in my whole mouth and take a gulp
…and start to feel mortality sorround me

– Music Box, Regina Spektor

I took my heart out a lay it down on the sand
To take a breath with an empty ribcage
To understand what it is like to be alive.
To be here.
With you.

I stared straight into the sun
Despite all warnings.

I said to the sun, I said:
Sun, I love you.
And I don’t care what your light reveals.
I can invent myself, pretend to me more
But at the end of the day I just am.
And I’m okay with that.

“We trick ourselves into beleiving we need all this stuff.”
You said to me.
“But we don’t” I finished.

We’re both explorers of the world.
Free.
We have everything we need right here;
This vast world of adventures
Experiences and opportunities
There is enough.

You remind me of what I already know,
but fail to put into practice.

God,
You make me want to give up drugs and alcohol
- the more time to be with you.

We both took our hearts out
And laid them in the sand.
Breathing deeply with an empty ribcage.

“It’s good to be here” I said.

Alive and living.

“It’s good to be here” you agreed.

Be reckless in expressing who you want to be.

Be open and honest in your justification,though realize that there is never any obligation or need to justify your behavior.

Seek to help others be happy and enjoy themselves,

But from a place of genuine love…Not fear or worry.

Give generously, but also take what you need.

Choose what happens next.

“Pain is frightening when it shows its real face, but it’s seductive when it comes disguised as sacrifice or self denial.

If you think you can live without suffering, that’s a great step forward, but don’t imagine that other people will understand you. True, no one wants to suffer and yet nearly everyone seeks out pain and sacrifice, and then they feel justified, pure, deserving of the respect of their children, husbands, neighbours, god.

Does a wife want to show her husband how happy she is? No, she wants him to see how devoted she is, how she suffers in order to make him happy.”

(Paulo Coelho: Eleven Minutes pg.203)

“The purpose of having a relationship is not to have someone who might complete you, but to have another with whom you might share your completeness.

You have no need for another in order for you to experience – completely – who you are; and yet without another you are nothing.”

Conversations With God Book 1 p.123

So what do I want to do with my life?

I want to change perceptions.

I want to help people to grow and own their actions unashamedly.

I want to encourage people to live for themselves and no-one else.

To experience and enjoy anything and everything their hearts may desire.

But most of all, I want to encourage people to love themselves, accept others and celebrate everything.

Presently, it seems, we  like to think of ourselves as free. We say we can recognize our freedom of choice. Western coutries proclaim to be ‘free countries’. But looking at how our societies are constructed, how free are we really?

So much of our lives are monitored. So much media is directed at manipulating us and persuading us to fit in.

Based on my own experiences and my interactions with others, I feel that most of us feel trapped, caged and cornered. That many of our actions are based on external cues, and thus confuse us when our choices do not satisfy our personal desires. People feel they have to fit in with the rest of society. Compete with their peers. Be ‘normal’. But what I have come to realise is that normalcy is not natural.

Normalcy is what the majority around you are doing. But we are individuals. We need different things. We have different desires. Different passions. Different purposes. What is natural and often the right choice for us, sadly is often self-oppressed with the fear of being judged..

People smoke, people drink, people do drugs for a variety of reasons. The biggest being to deal with social pressures – either to fit in, or ‘take the edge off’.

People judge and people are scared of being judged. People expect others to be a certain way. To fit in with certain stereotypes – to be ‘normal’. No-one wants to be left behind. Everyone wants to be included. They want other people with them to testify the experience. And so they edge on their peers to follow them. ‘Have another drink – you’re not as drunk as me!’

I’d love to put my life towards  encouraging people to feel confident and comfortable in authoring their own individual life.

I don’t want to tell people what is right, or what to do as I don’t believe in “right” or “wrong” and so I would have no authority to do so. Instead, I just hope to help create  an environment where people feel equally accepted in their behavior, regardless of how many others are following them.

I desire to empower them to have the confidence and the initiative to pursue what they want. To be individuals. To live freely. I want to create a social consciousness of acceptance; ‘each to their own’.

I want to break down the social norms that embarrass us and suppress our greatest desires. I want people to feel comfortable and confident in being themselves; to love themselves.

I want kids to feel that they dont have to do drugs or drink to be cool, but that equally if the want to try out new experiences that is also okay. I want girls to feel that they never have to do anything sexual that they don’t want to – but equally if they love sex – that’s okay!

I want give people a choice again.

I figure that if I can find a way to achieve these goals, starting with the younger generations, perhaps our world will have a chance…Care to help?

Emotions are a tricky aspect of being human. They are the language of the soul; subtle, elusive and cryptic. Often they defy the rationality of the mind and the logic of our society. While at times this can be scary and confusing we need to learn to embrace our emotions because they are the key to our happiness and understanding ourselves fully.

In a book I’ve been reading lately, Dr Elisabeth Kubler-Ross touches on the five “natural” emotions. These are defined as: Grief, Anger, Envy, Fear and Love.

I know what your thinking. “Really? But only one of those emotions seems to be positive!” – it caught me off-guard too. But you have to remember there is no “good” or “bad” – especially when it comes to emotions. You just feel what you feel.

When you scratch the surface to explore the full depth and purpose of these emotions, you might just come to see them a little more clearly for what they are – beautiful tools for cultivating one’s personal development.

After all, it is the repression of these emotions that produces the negative consequences we often wrongly associate to them.

So lets dive in and explore this underworld of emotions:

1. GRIEF
Grief is a natural emotion. It allows you to say goodbye when you don’t want to say goodbye; to express the beauty of the transition between attachment and non-attachment. It allows you to push out and expel the sadness within you when you experience any kind of loss.

Embrace it and feel it fully because when grief is suppressed it becomes chronic depression – a very unnatural emotion.

2. ANGER
Anger is a natural emotion. It allows you to distinguish what you don’t want from what you do. Expressing anger isn’t about yelling, kicking, screaming or throwing a tantrum; it’s about saying “no thank you” and providing others with clear feedback as to how they could grow. In this way, it is a powerful ingredient in promoting intimacy throughout relationships.

Embrace it and feel it fully because when anger is suppressed it becomes rage – a very unnatural emotion.

3. ENVY
Envy is a natural emotion. It makes you want to try again and try harder; to continue striving until you succeed. In short, it helps you to figure out what you want in life and encourages you to claim your full potential.

Embrace it and feel it fully because when envy is suppressed it becomes jealousy and insecurity – both very unnatural emotions.

4. FEAR
Fear is a natural emotion. It offers contrast, risk and challenge, making the game of life that little bit more interesting. It also provides us with a degree of caution to keep the body alive. Essentially it is an outgrowth of love; love of the self.

Embrace it and feel it fully because when fear is suppressed it becomes anxiety, panic and worry – all very unnatural emotions.

5. LOVE
Love is a natural emotion. It is our way of saying thank you and expressing our gratitude for our existence. It is the essence of life and should be expressed without condition, limitation, inhibition or embarrassment.

Embrace it and feel it fully because when love is suppressed it becomes possessiveness – a very unnatural emotion.

I think that sometimes our society breeds us to be a little too needy or reliant on others.

We have all felt the sting of being let down or disappointed by another at some point in our lives. Often, this suffering is the result of our own expectations on the other.

I watch those who invest their time and love into one or two single people whom they feel should be a constant in our lives with trepidation. The excessive responsibility they place upon another makes their world fragile. They burden their relationships with expectations, often inspiring possessiveness and jealousy.

I made a point early on in my life not to rely on other people too much. I trust others, yes, and seek their support, but to rely on one single soul to make me happy just seems ridiculous. As a result I have made a point not to have a ‘best friend’ in my life, but rather, many good friends. This way, I have a few people to call on to come out and have a good time or a deep and meaningful conversation should one or two favourites have other plans.

In contrast, I’ve seen time and time again people latch on to that one person – be it a boyfriend or a ‘best friend’ to find themselves shattered when the relationship comes to an end.

Building a good relationship with one’s self is so important in life because we will always be present in our own experience, while it is only natural that other characters will come and go. Likewise, our role in another’s life is never permanent. This, of course, is a good and beautiful thing. It allows us to experience a whole range of different kinds of relationships, providing the opportunities we need to define ourselves fully. It also prevents us from falling slave to the definitions others bestow upon our heads. After all, it is very difficult for one to grow and develop their personality, when one is constantly surrounded by the same people.