LESS EGO / MORE SOUL

Surrender your soul to the waters of time

The truth that all is transient

Floating freely down the canal to rebirth

Cling to nothing; but delight in the ride

The truth is discovered now

Naked and bare

Raw to the eyes of the blind

The discovery

Of what it feels to be free

Unburdened

Not wet yet nor dry

Exist in this space

As you dwell in this place

Let feelings guide your reactions

For nothing is right

And nothing is wrong

Spare the truth of your own moral compass

Remember now

What you knew all along

The truth

Your soul

Is now opened

And with no remorse

Abandon your thoughts

And live freely

On instinct and feeling.

Fearless self-development.

It’s an infinite spiral staircase, with no real beginning and no real end.

The infinite can be both overwhelming and liberating.

When recognized, it forces us to accept wherever it is on the staircase we are.

It brings us to stop ‘trying’ to get somewhere and instead, embrace the present moment.

Sometimes I feel like I’m going in circles as I find myself making the same “mistakes” over again. The scenery is the same and the incline is subtle. I wonder why life has brought me back here. “I thought I was beyond all this,” I say to myself, frustrated.

I forget that the journey is the destination.

A spiral is a symbol of evolution. It’s in our DNA. Sometimes we need to experience that which we are not in order to know that which we are. Often, this involves trying things over and over before we fully come to realise what serves us and what ultimately does not. Evolution is a process. It takes time and patience, but most of all, courage.

Courage, to expand and to move beyond that which is already illuminated.

Courage to question our conditioning and let go of turning to external sources for guidance.

Courage to surrender to the unknown.

Courage is where the ascension begins.

Society has its shortcuts. Most of the time we are conditioned to delight in the preferences of the majority; we are encouraged to fit in and to play it safe.

When we decide to climb the staircase of fearless self-development we become great explorers. We open to life and seek new experiences to reflect on. We also take notes as we discover what weakens and what strengthens our connection with our soul.

Eventually you find yourself ignoring the external triggers that led you away from your soul to begin with, recognizing them for what they are: just other people’s preferences.

This is the art of “self-discipline” – finding the confidence within to discriminate between your truth and others.

Now self-discipline can be quite an interesting topic. Often we tend to associate it with restraint/deprivation/sacrifice/missing out/ and saying “no” when what we really want to say is “yes”.

But, I’d like to offer an alternative view as defined be my friend Laura:

“Self-discipline arises in response to recognizing and desiring to seize your own divinity.”

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bg3l3Hmiu4E]

Do you laugh while screaming?

Here’s a little history, of a bigger mystery
I have written this story into my song
If it isn’t what your used to
Then I hope it will allow you
Maybe if you choose to then you’ll sing along

I am as old as the universe
I’ve been here before and I’ll be here again
I am a child of the universe
A part of all women, and a part of all men

Once upon a sometime, and once upon a somehow
And once upon a somewhere, There was a big bang
Energy revolving, energy dissolving,
Eneryg evolving, and that is what I am.

I am not a somebody, I am not a nobody,
I am a celled one body filling this space.
All I ever could be, and all I ever would be,
and all I ever will be is here in this place.

I am but a flower, who blossoms in a hour,
and in me there’s a power that goes on and on.
Power in the roots of me, power in the shoots of me,
power in the fruit that will pass my seed on.

I am as old as the universe
I’ve been here before and I’ll be here again
I am a child of the universe
A part of all women, and a part of all men

– Rainbow Child Lyrics by Unknown

P.S. ConFest was amazing…I do recommend!

Rattle me, and my
Xylophone bones
It’s cold outside
All alone

Grandmother, Grandmother
Ancient and old
Tell me a story
Show me your soul…

The Amazon calls
A home with no walls
And now I can feel you
My creator, my maker

The purest desire
To touch with my hands
To play with the darkness
Experience contrast

So this is the joy
This is the answer
Consciously seeking
What my heart aches for.

So teach me to love
Teach me to care
Teach me to let go
Of the scars that I bear

What is it to feel?
To care what is real?
To be having these thoughts now
Unaware of their meaning

The vine of the soul
Taking me home
Embracing uncertainty,
I’m letting my guard down.

And I understand now
As you pour salt on my wounds
It stings like a snake bite,
Lying here breathing

But I am alive
In my own lucid dream
Passion like thunder
Alpha / Omega

Its time to evolve,
Live life and grow old
A thousand little deaths now
This is what I live for…

I’m aware of this life
I don’t live to survive
But because I want to
No longer an orphan

And with new awareness
Accepting the madness
I’m choosing to play now
This moment is mine.

Forget and remember
This is never ending
My truth is simple:
I am still breathing.

And it comes and It goes
It ebbs and it flows
The transitory nature
Of a life fully lived.

Going through my notes from the temple, I was struck with a deeper understanding of the fear I was confronted with during my first Ayahuasca ceremony. I remember the profound déjà vu, and how I was disappointed with the realization that I was all there is. I felt alone despite all of the parts of me that I had created on this earth in order to address this sadness.

I felt my loneliness echoing around me, bouncing off the harsh truth of what it means to be absolutely everything; the reality that illusions are, at the end of the day, just illusions. This was the birth of the purest desire to create separation, others, playmates, a distraction from this lonely hell. And while we, The Source enjoy our self as we exert our creativity in the formation of this universe, there is still loneliness at the end of the day.

We, God, are an island, surrounded by no-thing-ness; a blank canvas for creation. An orphan.

Alone we play all the parts, creating the illusions of others, orchestrating the story of humanity like a child creates their own world as they play with their dolls, producing a range of characters and drama. And we are addicted to this insignificant game of life, the amusement it provides and the satisfaction we get from experiencing the spectrum of all life has to offer.

At this realisation, I laughed at myself for wanting or expecting to ‘get somewhere’ or to attain enlightenment through rigorous spiritual practice, because in this omnipresent state it was clear to me that living as a human was much more exciting than the world beyond. [I note that there are some very beautiful places to visit beyond ‘reality’ and that spiritual practice can be very fulfilling when done from a place of enjoyment rather than duty, guilt or obligation, however, it is our human perspective and the contrast of our earthly lives that makes these other worlds so alluring in the first place.]

+++

* I use the word God here as spiritual shorthand to describe life, love, the source, the universe, existence, the soul or whatever else you believe in.

“The inspector says I’m free. I’m free now and I was free in prison too, because freedom continues to be the thing I prize most in the world. Of course, this has led me to drink wines I did not like, to do things I should not have done and which I will not do again: it has left scars on my body and my soul, it has meant hurting certain people, although I have since asked their forgiveness, when I realised that I could do absolutely anything except force another person to follow me in my madness, in my lust for life.

I don’t regret the painful times; I bear my scars as if they were medals. I know that freedom has a high price, as high as that of slavery; the only difference is that you pay with pleasure and smile, even when that smile is dimmed by tears.”

– Paulo Coelho, The Zahir

I enjoy life and its many pleasures without guilt.

I surrender to pleasure.

I am present in this moment.
Now. Here. NOWHERE.

I can live with the uncertain, be spontaneous and surrender to the unknown. In this way I invite in the magick of life.

I realise the perfection in enough. I am satisfied with less. I enjoy all things in moderation.

I let go of my obsessions, the stories of my past.

I am present. I am interested in you. I am here to hear your story.

I laugh, I smile, I live, I love, I spread peace, love and light contagiously.

I am generous, whether you appreciate it or not.

I am the master of my mind, the conductor of my body, the friend of my soul.

I accept myself. I forgive myself. I love myself.

I am a passionate lover. I sing and I dance unashamedly as I express my joy.

I see through the maya, letting go of unnecessary thoughts.

I travel lightly, I tread lightly on this earth, honouring the source with each step.

I am open to all teachings of the collective wisdom of the universe.

I recognise failure as an illusion.

I am honest.

I am that.
I am I.
I am also you, he, she and it.
We are all one.

LESS HUMAN / MORE BEING

LESS EGO /  MORE SOUL

NAMASTE

Really.

I have finally realized how much of the life I was living was dictated by other people’s stories. The stories that make up society’s constructions, our means of measuring “reasonable behaviour”. I also realised how we were led, so easily to stop listening to our bodies, to our soul, to our self as a whole and instead follow this code of behaviour blindly.

Time.

We have identified a “correct time” for everything in our daily lives. A time to wake, a time to eat, a time to drink alcohol, a time to work, a time to play, a time to sleep, a time to party…and the list goes on.

I, like many others, had fallen into the trap of living by the clock – rather, than listening to my body.

I would tell myself what it was time for and what it was not time for, ignoring, what my true self desired. I lost touch of how my body was feeling, and the ability to read what my body wanted to tell me. I would eat when I was not hungry, simply because ‘it was time for lunch’, sleep when I was not tired because “it was late”, and party when what I needed most was to rest.

It is living like this – out of touch – that leads us to become confused and then frustrated.

Confused because we give our body ‘something good’ but often not what it is asking for. And then frustrated when we do not feel satisfied because we do not know what it is we want.

I woke up this morning and decided to be different. To change. I did not get out of bed soon after waking to have breakfast; I wasn’t hungry. Instead I decided to read. Then to write. Then to shower. I forced myself to stay with the present moment. Do one thing at a time. And I enjoyed it a hell of a lot more than ever. When I did get hungry consequently around 1pm, I made myself something good and ate it. In peace, doing nothing else. Feeling happy, alive and satisfied I asked myself “So what do I want to do next?”

I’m at Lake Tahoe at the moment. There’s snow on the streets, something so simple yet taken for granted in this neck of the woods. I went for a walk through the trees with my brother, and despite not wearing the right clothing or the consequences that could be, I allowed myself to freely fall back into it’s soft mass. We made snow angels, laughing our heads off like little kids again. When the laughter subsided we were left looking at the vast blue sky. Breathing in and out, long and deep. It was a moment of joy; when you realize this is what it is to be living.

1. Stop saying “just”. Value yourself and your experiences. You are more than ‘just a secretary’ or ‘just a student’. You are incredible and have the potential to be and do anything. Believe in yourself. You deserve it.
2. Use adjectives sparingly (sometimes they get in the way of the truth).
3. Understand that you don’t have to ‘do’ or ‘be’ anything. You have complete freedom and complete responsibility for your own experience. What do you want? Chase it with passion. Be relentless. Be liberated.
4. If it feels right at the time, then it’s fine. Life is meant to be lived. There is no ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ way to live it. But consider what you want on all three dimensions – mind, body and soul.
5. Recognize the creative powerful being that you are and own it. Heck, you can manifest the weather!
6. Nothing matters. Laugh.
7. You are everything – the good and the bad, the pretty and the ugly. The aim is to choose the most magnificent aspects on offer and make them a part of your reality – that is the highest choice.
8. Learn to say “No”. “Maybe later” is not the same. You are not being respectful of yourself or others when you neglect to say “No” firmly when you mean to. Learn to say it charmingly. Learn to be comfortable with it.
9. Speak to and treat others as equal souls, for they too are human like you.
10. Be honest.

Greece was it. A place of life. Real life. Where you go to connect with it; the freedom, the energy that drives you.

It taught me to follow my heart and my instincts and to satisfy my urges unashamedly. From skinny dipping (absolutely naked) to finding passion with another soul, I was liberated. Away from all the judging eyes of people who think they know you.

They know nothing really.

A home is protected – governed by society. There are expectations. There is order.

I want havoc. I want uncertainty. I want to understand my ability to choose. Not feel I should do what others think is best for me – they have no idea.

This is my life and I intend to make the most of it. Reality is what you choose to remember; your life as you decide it to be. Fact.

I’m young, I’m restless and unashamedly relentless. The world is mine. Just as it is yours. But do you have it in you to explore it on you own? To push the limits of your being and realize your full potential?

Act now, apologize later.

I’M GOING TO SUCK THIS OYSTER DRY.

Family, remember that I love you and I am so grateful for all that you have given me.

Reader, you may take me as you wish. I am a bird. I am free. At the end of the day if there is one think that I have learnt about life, it is this:

EVERYTHING IS NOTHING. EVERYTHING IS REPLACEABLE. NOTHING REALLY MATTERS, SO GO YOUR HARDEST!