LESS EGO / MORE SOUL

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Imagine a society that has let go of the need for ‘hello’s’ and ‘goodbyes’.

A world where everyone just came and went as they pleased, without the anxiety of never seeing a loved one again.

There would be no possessiveness; no jealously.

Just abundant freedom, as we live with an innate knowing that people come and go and that’s okay.

And so we’d remain present in our relationships, observant of the gift before us,  lest we take another for granted.

Have you ever noticed how you tend to be most generous when you are happy?

That was just a thought I had…

I’m worn to the bone. Today was nice enough though. I was in a great mood, one of those ones where you find yourself thinking ‘yes this is exactly who I am’. One of those days where you have no fear, just courage.

As a spur of the moment idea, I ditched my last lecture in favour of this spiritual chanting dinner in West End. The food was 10/10 and the people are all so interesting and beautiful.

My only issue is my slight frustration with meditation and chanting. While I would really love to learn how to mediate and practice on a regular basis, like most, I find it so difficult to ‘clear my mind’. I’m a total over-thinker by definition and while I generally enjoy the company of my thoughts, on the conventional path to spiritual enlightenment this is a bit of a pothole.

The first time I went to a chanting session it was intoxicating, like the first time you smoke a cigarette and get that amazing head-spin. You smoke the rest of the pack in the vain hope of the same experience, but alas it’s only a memory as you have developed a tolerance.

Likewise, my first session left me feeling so cleansed and calm afterward; it was addictive. However, ever since, I feel like I’ve just been vainly chasing that memory. Part of the issue is my over-thinking mind; it wants to know exactly what I am chanting – the exact translation, before it gives in to the experience again.

I have been told, but it’s times like this that I have the memory of a sieve, and when I am having these thoughts (as we sit around chanting) it is hardly the time to ask again.

As a result I spent most of the session deconstructing my inability to let go and just ‘observe’. The conclusion I came to was this:

While I am a very spiritual person, who considers herself to be fairly self aware, my issue with chanting stems from my upbringing.

Going to an all-girl Anglican private school where we had compulsory christian education lessons and chapel services – often involving mindless chanting and devotion to a construction of God I really do not agree with – did not rub well with me.

I hate the idea of worshiping an almighty God. In fact, part of my own personal belief system is that we are ‘it’; We are God. God is us, in a human form to experience life. Therefore, there is no-one to worship but ourselves. (I know I’ve failed to put this into the substantial context here – but hear with me and I’ll draw you a picture one day).

A great quote that illustrates my point is from the book Eat, Pray, Love.

‘God needs us because God loves to feel things through our hands‘ .

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