LESS EGO / MORE SOUL

Don’t give up on things. Even when you think you can’t take another second. We are strong; it is our minds that are weak, tricking us into falling short of our potential. Why? Because it is not the fear of failure that scares our ego most; it is the fear of success - of claiming our own personal power, and with that, the fear of the unknown.

So, the Mexican Toltecs have this practice called recapitulation. It involves reviewing the experiences throughout one’s life in order to liberate one’s self from the bind of the ego.

They do this by reliving their interactions with others, breathing rhythmically, and fanning their heads from left to right.

With each exhale, any remaining negative energy is released. With each inhale they reclaim any of their own energy left behind during the event.

Meanwhile, the mind examines the situation – the motives of all involved and the emotions that were provoked as a result of the interaction. This provides insight and the opportunity for a more evolved understanding of one’s self, illuminating the works of the ego and allowing one to detach from the expectations and limitations that have resulted from past experiences.

Since I’ve been practicing this kind of meditation I’ve found it to be a kind of euphoric communion with my higher self. It’s also allowed me to explore how past events have led me to react and ‘protect’ myself from reliving the pain of old wounds. This then got me thinking about the stories we tell ourselves of ‘who we are’ based on our past.

Perhaps you’ve experienced a time, where you’ve just found yourself triggered.

You’re cruising along, in a reasonably good mood and then BAM!! someone says something that just throws you off.

You might have been bullied in primary school and a seemingly playful remark hits a soft spot.

Or, you get a call from a parent that for one reason or another pushes your buttons, leaving you agitated and confused.

It might even be as subtle as the way someone touches you or says your name.

Whatever it is, it triggers you and suddenly you find yourself reacting unconsciously and it’s only later that you wonder what caused you to act in such a primal way. These are the energetic blockages that recapitulation seeks to prevent and undo.

In contemplation of this, it’s been interesting to discover how many eastern cultures encourage one to disidentify from their past.

In India, for example, the Yogis are known to renounce all association to their own personal history. They generally don’t ever speak of the stories of their past openly to others, or if they do so, it is often in the form of an unclaimed parable. In this way their experiences stay personal within them, but also merge with the collective experience of humanity outside of them.

It is said that this practice allows them to live more fully in the present – watching life flow by with non-attachment, like water downstream.

While experience can be a very effective teacher, perhaps the real gift of experience comes once we are able to learn the lesson and then let go of the story with non-attachment.

After all, it is through letting go that we release ourselves from the bind of the ego as by clinging to these stories we tend to separate ourselves from others – saying “look what I did” or “look at what was done to me”. If we are not conscious, we may even subconsciously manipulate these stories in an attempt to establish credibility and power over others.

Ever found yourself replaying a particular interaction in your head over and over?

You might have tried to consciously move on, but for one reason or another your mind just isn’t ready to drop it. Often this is because there is a lesson to be learned or an insight to be gained.

Recapitulation invites one to get to know themselves – the good, the bad and the ugly. Taking this one step further, it helps one to realize the big picture and rise above their everyday egoic pursuits.

It teaches the user to be aware of themselves, without defining themselves by the stories of their past. Because when we define ourselves by our past we sell ourselves short, limiting our potential to grow and to conquer.

Let go of these stories and you unlock the gate to your soul, leaving the future wide open for you to claim your own version of world domination.

“What’s wrong?” I asked the body.

“No one listens to me…you don’t listen to me…you just go ahead and make decisions, like you think you know what’s best.”

“That’s not true.”

“Can you feel me now? Can you feel what I feel? I feel sick. And so we feel sick. And I tried to warn you; I tried to tell you to stop eating; that I’d had enough; that more would be too much to handle. But you just listened to the mind who said: more is better, more is good, and god this tastes amazing! But the mind is deluded. It doesn’t know how to feel. It gets distracted. It’s been conditioned. It doesn’t understand.”

“Come now, I’m sorry…”

“And then when I want more of something you listen to the mind again. Your exercising and I feel great. But the mind is bored. The ego is afraid; it doesn’t want to be silenced by the heart beating ecstatically in our chest. It doesn’t want it’s thoughts being pushed to the side as you surrender to existence; feeling the breath, flow through our lungs; feeling the blood rush through our veins. And so it says enough. I tried, and now lets stop. It tells you I’m not strong enough. And so you give up; afraid to go into the unknown. Little do you know I was just beginning to enjoy myself.”

“Look I’m really sorry…Can I make this up to you? What can I give you? Do you want food? Water? Do you want to rest?”

“No. You’re still not getting it. I want nothing. I need nothing. Except for you to check in with me from time to time; to listen to me at least as much as you listen to your mind; if not more…I watch you, day after day, walking aimlessly around, trying to find God; trying to experience enlightenment. But you can’t because you aren’t prepared to allow yourself to feel; to be with discomfort. Your mind – bless it’s chemistry – is too focused on finding remedies; “solutions” to the so called challenges of feeling. It’s a game the universe is playing with you; guarding its best kept secrets behind the façade of illusions…distractions to make you forget. I live in that world; where everything is beautiful and everything is right. But what is wrong is that you aren’t here to share that with me.”

“I want to be with you.”

My body laughed. “Oh it will take some time. But I would like that very much.”

“Okay, so how do I…?”

“Stop trying. Stop living by certain “rules”.  Just allow yourself to feel fully and act in alignment with those feelings. That’s all you need. Don’t listen to the mind and don’t think. Don’t judge and don’t try to change things. By all means gravitate towards that which makes you feel good, but try and stay aware of temptation; aware of distractions that lead you away from that which you seek so desperately; aware of your fear that invites those distractions. In other words, learn to be comfortable being uncomfortable.”

We sat in silence for a few moments. I didn’t know what to do.  I sat for a while. I waited. I even meditated – or well I tried. But the truth is I don’t know how to feel. I don’t know what I feel… Maybe I should go and read a book... My mind said. Unconsciously, I made  a move.

“And that was all I allowed myself,” my body sadly sighed.

I used to mentally beat myself up in the vain hope that it would inspire the change that I wished to see in myself. But now I understand how this was the wrong way to go about it.

Forgiveness heals and for me to more on and grow I first need to accept what is. Then, from that place of observation (not judgement) I may chose who I would like to be next.

You see real change does not come from fear of punishment through inspired self-hate. Change comes from love and a clear, observing mind, motivated by simply acknowledgeing what works and what does not.

I AM THAT I AM.

I enjoy life and its many pleasures without guilt.

I surrender to pleasure.

I am present in this moment.
Now. Here. NOWHERE.

I can live with the uncertain, be spontaneous and surrender to the unknown. In this way I invite in the magick of life.

I realise the perfection in enough. I am satisfied with less. I enjoy all things in moderation.

I let go of my obsessions, the stories of my past.

I am present. I am interested in you. I am here to hear your story.

I laugh, I smile, I live, I love, I spread peace, love and light contagiously.

I am generous, whether you appreciate it or not.

I am the master of my mind, the conductor of my body, the friend of my soul.

I accept myself. I forgive myself. I love myself.

I am a passionate lover. I sing and I dance unashamedly as I express my joy.

I see through the maya, letting go of unnecessary thoughts.

I travel lightly, I tread lightly on this earth, honouring the source with each step.

I am open to all teachings of the collective wisdom of the universe.

I recognise failure as an illusion.

I am honest.

I am that.
I am I.
I am also you, he, she and it.
We are all one.

LESS HUMAN / MORE BEING

LESS EGO /  MORE SOUL

NAMASTE

“The more we have, the more bored we get.” Mad Men Season 3

Something I have been turning over in my mind a lot lately is our Western concept of ‘enough’.

I feel the mundane world loves to have more & generally more is considered better… What an interesting illusion we have created for ourselves…And I’ll admit I play along.

But every now and again, I come face to face with the truth.

That more is not always better.

That enough is what we really yearn for.

Enough.

It’s the point of satisfaction before greed sets in.

It’s when you realize that you don’t need anything more to make you happy.

You are content. Fulfilled. Satisfied.

Any more than, wont do you any favors. It’s just overkill.

Sometimes it’s a struggle to remember that you can have too much of a good thing; that less really is more. I observe myself overloading my body with too much. I watch a greedy ego take over my mind from time to time and I hate it. It’s toxic and it’s not really me. I know that.

I hate playing watchdog –  caring if my neighbor gets that little bit extra like it means I’m less worthy.

I hate re-acting to fear-based thoughts as opposed to choosing my actions and acting with love.

And so I’m desperately trying to shake the belief that “more is better”.

After over a decade of living in a world where we are constantly told that “there is not enough (for everyone) so you better get your hands on as much as you can (which is often more than enough for a single soul)…I can find a million ways to superficially justify why more would be better.

I can only conclude that justification is pretty darn useless when you are trying to connect with what is intrinsic and internal.

“Live simply so that you may simply live.” Conversations With God book 1.

I feel so raw. Lost in the illusions of reality.

Sitting on the floor of my room, staring at my reflection in the mirror, I asked myself How I came to be dwelling in such a sad and lonely place?

“I feel exhausted.” I answered. “I feel frustrated, tired of fighting for the life I want to live. Tired of justifying my existence to the world, my passions, my motivations, my feelings, ideas and aspirations. And I’m tired of trying to get somewhere I am not. Struggling…”

And where is it you want to go? My higher self asked. Or rather, What would it look like to have won?

“To have won…?” My mind answered, interested in this different question, something I hadn’t yet pondered.
“To have won…I would feel free. No more fighting, justifying, suffering.
Just being . Or rather, more doing (compared to the amount of time I spend dreaming up what it is I would like to do). Who I want to be would be a natural reaction to the world around me. I’d have stopped living mindlessly. Reacting…”

And so what is stopping you from getting there?

“People scared of difference. Trying to give me “advice” that sends me down some general path I know won’t serve me…” Said I.

Really?

“Okay not really. People have nothing to do with it. It’s myself…sabotaging…myself.”

And why do you think you would be doing that to yourself?

“Fear. Because it’s scary to walk a different path.”

Lets try being a winner for a moment. For a day. Lets just try and see what happens.

“Okay….tomorrow.”

No. Not tomorrow. From right now.

“errr…how?” I asked meekly.

Let go of what happened before. Let go of what could happen. Choose something and be it.

“Easier said than done ya know.”

So you like to think.

Really.

I have finally realized how much of the life I was living was dictated by other people’s stories. The stories that make up society’s constructions, our means of measuring “reasonable behaviour”. I also realised how we were led, so easily to stop listening to our bodies, to our soul, to our self as a whole and instead follow this code of behaviour blindly.

Time.

We have identified a “correct time” for everything in our daily lives. A time to wake, a time to eat, a time to drink alcohol, a time to work, a time to play, a time to sleep, a time to party…and the list goes on.

I, like many others, had fallen into the trap of living by the clock – rather, than listening to my body.

I would tell myself what it was time for and what it was not time for, ignoring, what my true self desired. I lost touch of how my body was feeling, and the ability to read what my body wanted to tell me. I would eat when I was not hungry, simply because ‘it was time for lunch’, sleep when I was not tired because “it was late”, and party when what I needed most was to rest.

It is living like this – out of touch – that leads us to become confused and then frustrated.

Confused because we give our body ‘something good’ but often not what it is asking for. And then frustrated when we do not feel satisfied because we do not know what it is we want.

I woke up this morning and decided to be different. To change. I did not get out of bed soon after waking to have breakfast; I wasn’t hungry. Instead I decided to read. Then to write. Then to shower. I forced myself to stay with the present moment. Do one thing at a time. And I enjoyed it a hell of a lot more than ever. When I did get hungry consequently around 1pm, I made myself something good and ate it. In peace, doing nothing else. Feeling happy, alive and satisfied I asked myself “So what do I want to do next?”

I’m at Lake Tahoe at the moment. There’s snow on the streets, something so simple yet taken for granted in this neck of the woods. I went for a walk through the trees with my brother, and despite not wearing the right clothing or the consequences that could be, I allowed myself to freely fall back into it’s soft mass. We made snow angels, laughing our heads off like little kids again. When the laughter subsided we were left looking at the vast blue sky. Breathing in and out, long and deep. It was a moment of joy; when you realize this is what it is to be living.

1. Stop saying “just”. Value yourself and your experiences. You are more than ‘just a secretary’ or ‘just a student’. You are incredible and have the potential to be and do anything. Believe in yourself. You deserve it.
2. Use adjectives sparingly (sometimes they get in the way of the truth).
3. Understand that you don’t have to ‘do’ or ‘be’ anything. You have complete freedom and complete responsibility for your own experience. What do you want? Chase it with passion. Be relentless. Be liberated.
4. If it feels right at the time, then it’s fine. Life is meant to be lived. There is no ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ way to live it. But consider what you want on all three dimensions – mind, body and soul.
5. Recognize the creative powerful being that you are and own it. Heck, you can manifest the weather!
6. Nothing matters. Laugh.
7. You are everything – the good and the bad, the pretty and the ugly. The aim is to choose the most magnificent aspects on offer and make them a part of your reality – that is the highest choice.
8. Learn to say “No”. “Maybe later” is not the same. You are not being respectful of yourself or others when you neglect to say “No” firmly when you mean to. Learn to say it charmingly. Learn to be comfortable with it.
9. Speak to and treat others as equal souls, for they too are human like you.
10. Be honest.