LESS EGO / MORE SOUL

If there is one thing that life has taught me; its that teachers come in many, many forms and it is often those we fail to recognize, that have the most to offer us.

In fact, I’ve come to realise that the best teachers are the ones that disappoint your expectations at the end of the day, as they demonstrate their own mortality.

This, for a few reasons:

1)   Disappointment is a great teacher in itself. It encourages us to consider and reflect on our own expectations and projections which ultimately nurture suffering.

It also provides us with an opportunity to expand or contract.

To expand in this instance, would mean to evaluate, the teachings of that sage while holding on to their insights that you know feel true for you.

To contract however, would be to discredit all their wisdom, purely because they have not lived up to your holy image of them.

When we can hold space for our own disappointment, we grow and breakthrough the limitations of our expectations. In this way, we clear space for more opportunities.

2)   When a teacher or guru “disappoints” our highest expectations, through recognizing them as human (just like us), we are able to reclaim our own power and understand that we are the ones we’ve been waiting for; that you are the one you’ve been waiting for.

3)   I don’t believe, “enlightenment” can be taught by a single person and I personally think that any “saint” who lives a life based on rigid tradition is missing the point. Rather, “enlightenment” is absorbed through experience and exposure to a vast range of views. It comes from sifting through information and learning to discriminate between that which ultimately serves you and that which does not. After all, it is by reflecting on our interactions that real growth happens.

To consume information mindlessly, is pointless. When we find a truth and consciously seek to implement it in our daily life, we may struggle and contradict ourselves, but it is this journey that provides us with the understanding necessary to sustainably evolve.

A great example of this, is when one begins to explore and contrast the many religions out there. Personally I am not a fan of dogma and I recoil at the thought of a God who should be feared, however, I can still recognize and appreciate the nuggets of truth that are embedded in all religions.

The trick is to learn to discriminate between the “gospel” and that which feels true for you – and from those latter insights build your own religion.

The Buddhists are known to practice the art of non-confirmation.

This means they refrain from giving and seeking confirmation of one’s words, of one’s actions and of one’s self.

By doing so, they forge their own path toward freedom.

No longer are they caught up with the illusions of the external world, warping their truth and distracting their presence.

No longer are they governed by their ego, vying to gain power-over through the portrayal of a particular image of self.

Instead, they are left – at first, quite uncomfortably – with only the judgment of their own mind and the guidance of their own moral compass.

And this is where the magic happens…
Where one really gets to know themselves,
Where one is cordially invited commune with their soul;
To discover what it is they truly ache for and pursue it with passion and reckless abandon.

Why do we fear ourselves?

Why do we doubt ourselves?

Why do we question our own judgment?

Why do we think, for one second, that another could possibly tell us how to live our own lives any better than by the guidance of our own hearts?

Why are we so afraid to take the reins; to claim our decisions as our own?

Because if we were “wrong” than who’d be to blame?

If we “failed”, than how would we recover from such a loss of face?

But think about it, has life ever thrown you something you couldn’t handle?

You might think so, but you’re still here; you survived.

At worst you might have wound up a little bruised and battered.

Embarrassed perhaps… But you recovered and you evolved.

- Don Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements

So, the Mexican Toltecs have this practice called recapitulation. It involves reviewing the experiences throughout one’s life in order to liberate one’s self from the bind of the ego.

They do this by reliving their interactions with others, breathing rhythmically, and fanning their heads from left to right.

With each exhale, any remaining negative energy is released. With each inhale they reclaim any of their own energy left behind during the event.

Meanwhile, the mind examines the situation – the motives of all involved and the emotions that were provoked as a result of the interaction. This provides insight and the opportunity for a more evolved understanding of one’s self, illuminating the works of the ego and allowing one to detach from the expectations and limitations that have resulted from past experiences.

Since I’ve been practicing this kind of meditation I’ve found it to be a kind of euphoric communion with my higher self. It’s also allowed me to explore how past events have led me to react and ‘protect’ myself from reliving the pain of old wounds. This then got me thinking about the stories we tell ourselves of ‘who we are’ based on our past.

Perhaps you’ve experienced a time, where you’ve just found yourself triggered.

You’re cruising along, in a reasonably good mood and then BAM!! someone says something that just throws you off.

You might have been bullied in primary school and a seemingly playful remark hits a soft spot.

Or, you get a call from a parent that for one reason or another pushes your buttons, leaving you agitated and confused.

It might even be as subtle as the way someone touches you or says your name.

Whatever it is, it triggers you and suddenly you find yourself reacting unconsciously and it’s only later that you wonder what caused you to act in such a primal way. These are the energetic blockages that recapitulation seeks to prevent and undo.

In contemplation of this, it’s been interesting to discover how many eastern cultures encourage one to disidentify from their past.

In India, for example, the Yogis are known to renounce all association to their own personal history. They generally don’t ever speak of the stories of their past openly to others, or if they do so, it is often in the form of an unclaimed parable. In this way their experiences stay personal within them, but also merge with the collective experience of humanity outside of them.

It is said that this practice allows them to live more fully in the present – watching life flow by with non-attachment, like water downstream.

While experience can be a very effective teacher, perhaps the real gift of experience comes once we are able to learn the lesson and then let go of the story with non-attachment.

After all, it is through letting go that we release ourselves from the bind of the ego as by clinging to these stories we tend to separate ourselves from others – saying “look what I did” or “look at what was done to me”. If we are not conscious, we may even subconsciously manipulate these stories in an attempt to establish credibility and power over others.

Ever found yourself replaying a particular interaction in your head over and over?

You might have tried to consciously move on, but for one reason or another your mind just isn’t ready to drop it. Often this is because there is a lesson to be learned or an insight to be gained.

Recapitulation invites one to get to know themselves – the good, the bad and the ugly. Taking this one step further, it helps one to realize the big picture and rise above their everyday egoic pursuits.

It teaches the user to be aware of themselves, without defining themselves by the stories of their past. Because when we define ourselves by our past we sell ourselves short, limiting our potential to grow and to conquer.

Let go of these stories and you unlock the gate to your soul, leaving the future wide open for you to claim your own version of world domination.

Don’t be dissapointed because someone isn’t acting how you expect or want them to. Your experience is your responsibility as it is determined by the ways in which you choose to respond to any given situation. Life gets easier when you stop having expectations of others, for just as nobody can tell you what is best for you, there is no way you can know what is best for antoher…And even if you were to guess right it is not your responsibility to tell another how to live.

“The present is lost the moment you begin to think in terms of achieving something.”  - OSHO

I don’t think that means that we shouldn’t try to achieve things in life, but rather, perhaps it goes to say that it is quite normal, or even important, to live some of life outside of the present moment. And yet, in those moments when you are trying to enjoy the present, I think it helps to recognise that you need to let go of your expectations and ambitions.

I read an interesting thing the other day in an article by a yogi, about money, but his advice can indeed be applied to almost anything…

He spoke of how, most of us tend to lock up the things that we “value”, saving them for that “special occasion”. And yet, like many things, money doesn’t like to be possessed. It wants to flow freely. It wants you to treat it with trust and respect; let come and let go. He then goes on to say that when you lock money up and then finally let it go, it remembers not to come back to you. After all, you’re no fun, you kept it in a cage!

As the Tao says: Have things, but don’t posses them.

I liked this so much I thought I’d repost it for you:

Be like a river – March 4, 2010 – Paulo Coelho

“A river never passes the same place twice,” says a philosopher. “Life is like a river,” says another philosopher, and we draw the conclusion that this is the metaphor that comes closest to the meaning of life. Consequently, it is always good to remember during all the year to come:

A] We are always doing things for the first time. While we move between our source (birth) to our destination (death), the landscape will always be new. We should face these novelties with joy, not with fear – because it is useless to fear what cannot be avoided. A river never stops running.

B] In a valley we walk slower. When everything around us becomes easier, the waters grow calm, we become more open, fuller and more generous.

C] Our banks are always fertile. Vegetation only grows where there is water. Whoever comes into contact with us needs to understand that we are there to give the thirsty something to drink.

D] Stones should be avoided. It is obvious that water is stronger than granite, but it takes time for this to happen. It is no good letting yourself be overcome by stronger obstacles, or trying to fight against them – that is a useless waste of energy. It is best to understand where the way out is, and then move forward.

E] Hollows call for patience. All of a sudden the river enters a sort of hole and stops running as joyfully as before. At such moments the only way out is to count on the help of time. When the right moment comes the hollow fills up and the water can flow ahead. In the place of the ugly, lifeless hole there now stands a lake that others can contemplate with joy.

F] We are one. We were born in a place that was meant for us, which will always keep us supplied with enough water so that when confronted with obstacles or depression we have the necessary patience or strength to move forward. We begin our course in a soft and fragile manner, where even a simple leaf can stop us. Nevertheless, as we respect the mystery of the source that gave us life, and trust in His eternal wisdom, little by little we gain all that we need to pursue our path.

G] Although we are one, soon we shall be many. As we travel on, the waters of other springs come closer, because that is the best path to follow. Then we are no longer just one, but many – and there comes a moment when we feel lost. However, as the Bible says, “all rivers flow to the sea.” It is impossible to remain in our solitude, no matter how romantic that may seem. When we accept the inevitable encounter with other springs, we eventually understand that this makes us much stronger, we get around obstacles or fill in the hollows in far less time and with greater ease.

H] We are a means of transportation. Of leaves, boats, ideas. May our waters always be generous, may be always be able to carry ahead everything or everyone that needs our help.

I] We are a source of inspiration. And so, let us leave the final words to the Brazilian poet, Manuel Bandeira:

“To be like a river that flows

silent through the night,

not fearing the darkness and

reflecting any stars high in the sky.

And if the sky is filled with clouds,

the clouds are water like the river, so

without remorse reflect them too”

Being happy can sometimes be a wild card. We all want to be happy, but happiness can be a difficult feeling to hold on to.

My Mum (a psychologist) has recently introduced be to the philosophy of ACT therapy, which I’ve adopted and found it to be a really helpful technique in being happier on a day to day basis.

ACT points out that those who measure the pleasure they derive from life by their goals are doomed to being unhappier because once one goal is achieved their brains instantly push them to aim for another. There is no breathing space to just “be” and acknowledge what they have already achieved. This is a really important factor if one is to lead a happy and fulfilling life.

So, instead of measuring life by goals, ACT therapy encourages one to live life by your values.

Let me illustrate this concept with a personal and example:

In the past I thought I could be productive in my days by setting goals. If I managed to achieve most of those goals that day I allowed myself to feel happy. But if I did not get much done I would not feel so good about myself – feeling as if I had wasted the day.

In adopting the ACT technique, rather than planning my day around achieving these goals e.g. clean room, revise french, spend some time meditating, exercise etc. I base my daily activities around what I value in life.

And so it is:

• I choose to clean my room because I value a clean space
• I choose to revise my french because I value learning
• I choose to meditate because I value my spiritual development
• I choose to exercise because I value the feeling of stretching and being alive

Living by values helps me to stay present and live life more mindfully. If I don’t get something I meant to get done done, it does not mean that the day is a failure. Rather, I can still be happy as I know that I have lived out the day to the best of my ability as I chose to do things that reflected my core values.

This gives me more freedom to be present. Today for example, I spent a whole hour just sitting outside, sipping on tea. In the past that would not seem productive to me. But as I change my perspective, acknowledging that I found that activity very enjoyable, it becomes a valuable and worthy way of spending my time and I can be happy.