LESS EGO / MORE SOUL

I’ve been thinking a lot about the wisdom of trees lately. My experiences in working with Ayahuasca only confirmed my long-time suspicion that within each plant lies a sentient being.

To me, they represent one of the purest states of consciousness, remaining so still and open energetically, as if in a constant state of zen meditation.

In a previous post I used the metaphor of an apple tree as being the epitome of unconditional love. It bears it’s fruit so generously without expectation or concern for who or how it is consumed.

Recently I was standing at the edge of a forest, admiring nature’s wild beauty when four colourful parrots flew over my head and landed in a nearby tree. They were gorgeous creatures of red and blue feathers and I considered how cool it would be to have them come to me. I stood there meditating, connecting with them for a few moments, setting my intention. When the time was right, they flew toward me, but all I could do was flinch, duck and laugh at myself.

I can only begin to imagine what it would be like to be as energetically open as a tree.

One of the many lessons nature has taught me along my journey is that one of the keys to life is to make others feel welcome – particularly through sharing.

Tarot talks about the wisdom of being the fool – to be open and open and still open to life, no matter the potential for pain and suffering. This allows one to maintain the innocence and fearless enchantment of a child.

In my mind, trees demonstrate this beautifully as the forest shares everything – it is open and open and still open like a fool. Friend or foe, a plant does not show any fear – whether its approached by a tree-hugging hippy, or a ferocious chainsaw. It stands before both, radiating isness as if to say simply: “I am, until I am not.”

At times we might fear the dangers of the outside world, but despite it all, trees stand strong and tend to live long. Their resilience to the fear mentality that imbues our human condition inspires me, reminding me of the world I knew in my younger days, where fear was no thing and the possibilities of what I could do and create with my life were limitless.

…

A friend of mine once pointed out to me, “you know all they want is your appreciation” and so I make a point to give it to them. They give us so much after all – food, shade, oxygen, and if you are willing to listen (as they whisper ever so softly) wisdom.

A lot of people tend to view the world through the narrow filters of “right” and “wrong”.

I just see a bunch of wounded animals trying their best to heal themselves and get along.

Is the world of a predatory or benevolent nature?

Are we right to fear the unknown?

We certainly see nature display a predatory theme as death claims life with reckless abandon.

However, this is not the opposite to benevolence. For nature knows the importance of harmony and balance far better than we do, offering ecstasy in each little death.

Silently, she encourages us to take what we need and leave the rest alone, for it is out of need (not greed) that we may take without consequence.

But driven by greed, our society has been conditioned to take more than we need.

And so we find ourselves addicted to consumption; to having and devouring as much as we can in our lifetime.

This is our reaction in an effort to reclaim ourselves; to fill the gaping hole that has wounded our soul as we consume ourselves,

bite by bite,

   moment by moment,

  slowly from the inside out.

I’d like to dispel a few common myths…

This idea that there are certain topics of conversation that are too “taboo” to discuss with others.

That in asking questions inspired by a natural curiosity, we might be seen as inappropriate.

That clarifying where we are at in our relationships with others is too risky and revealing.

That in being transparent, others will judge or lose interest in us.

No lie is harmless.
Silence breeds assumptions.
Assumptions breed expectations.
Expectations breed disappointment & suffering.

This is why it is so important in our own evolution to find our voice, to learn to respectfully ask for what we want and to express ourselves accurately.

You can ask for anything.
You can talk about anything.
And you can also neglect to talk about certain things if you feel your privacy is being invaded.

But I encourage you to acknowledge the moments when you silence yourself for fear of embarrassment and be vigilant about the assumptions you make in your relationships with others.

You can be honest and people will still love you.

After all, authenticity is attractive.

Because it is through making ourselves vulnerable that we become invulnerable as we abandon our egoic conditioning and accept ourselves for who we are and not who we appear to be.

& often it comes down to one casual conversation vs. a thousand awkward moments.

If you subscribe to the egoic view of life – that you are in control of your experience (rather than God or fate) – one must come to accept that they have created all their suffering and all their struggle. This then provokes the question: Why?

Well here’s the thing: I know that by anyone’s standards I lead a blessed life. I am lucky to live in such a beautiful country, in a beautiful home, with a family that loves me and a solid group of amazing friends. But who would I be if my ‘blessed’ external experiences were all that shaped me?

It is the struggle in my life that has led me to remember myself; who I am and what I came for; what I have and what I ache for.

Adversity is our strongest teacher. Many others have experienced physical adversity, leading them to grow and evolve. Many who were faced with external adversity also looked at me saying that I had it too easy.

Feeling dislocated, I unconsciously created pain and suffering for myself in order to fit in. But the divinity of the situation goes deeper than this. While at first it did just appear to grow from the desire to belong, I can now expand to see that it was also always about having the experiences I needed to push me to grow.

On that note, I know that many spiritual beliefs preach that suffering is unnecessary. And in a way it is unnecessary – as in, it’s a choice of perspective. But this does not mean that suffering is not an important part of the human experience. Rather, suffering offers a divine platform of self-realization– a challenge to which the accomplishment of passing through adversity provides the reward of remembering who we are and why we are here, which ultimately feels euphoric.

We see this reflected in the stories of many great leaders; that their ability to live a life of integrity and wisdom is often the result of their own encounters with adversity – external and internal. Because without the struggle there is no challenge; no risk; no game; no fun and no opportunity for expansion.

A valuable lesson I have learnt over the course of my journey is that there is no need to have an excuse or a reason to heal.

Looking back over my life, I can see how I have created problems for myself, to fit in and to justify my ‘need’ for healing. Blinded by this, I closed myself off from love – my parents love particularly – and invited dis-ease into my life as I subconsciously sought to compensate for this suppression in other ways.

A symptom of this became evident when I realised that when I was sick I felt more comfortable in letting others fuss over me, nurture me, love me and so I would subconsciously attract sickness, when what I needed most was nurturing love.

Now I realise that in order to expand, I really need to let go of these attention-seeking behaviours and embrace the psychological femininity that allows one to process those raw emotions like pain, fear and sorrow in a healthy way.

When we create problems in our lives – consciously or unconsciously – we are creating our experience from a lack mentality, seeking to justify why we “deserve” to be healed; why we deserve love and attention.

This stems from the fear that there is not enough healing energy (unconditional love) to go around.

There is.

And wounded or not, we are all equal in our deservedness to receive such healing energy. We don’t even need to fully understand why we feel we need to heal for the healing to be justified. One just has to be motivated to expand and be the carefree person that they would like to be.

The thing I feared most happened. Now I laugh; it’s not so bad.

As humans we fear as we seek to avoid pain and suffering.

But pain is a powerful teacher, and suffering is optional.

In any given moment, we are faced with multiple possibilities of interpreting the present situation.

No-one and no-thing has the power to make our lives “good” or “bad” and we alone are responsible for our own happiness.

What I know about true happiness…

- It’s spontaneous
- Not always rational
- Doesn’t need to be justified & shouldn’t really be questioned
- Is not dependent on external factors unless you define it as so
- Causes you to forget about your fears, worries, shortcomings, failures and past pains
- Keeps you present and connects you with the divine

What I am certain about true happiness…

- You don’t “need” anything in particular to be happy (though some things can make it easier).
- It is not derived from collection or accumulation but rather based on being satisfied in having enough, learning more and sharing your experiences with others.
- It is found through balance across all areas in life – mind, body soul,  consciousness, sub-consciousness and super consciousness, past, present, future, work, play, passion, vices, dreaming, doing, being, changing, etc. etc.
- When I acknowledge that this moment is satisfying a previous desire I enjoy it more.

What makes me happy is…

– Knowing that I am on the right path
– Creating, being productive, pursueing my dreams
- Exercise, walking, swimming -> physical activity!
- Doing kundalini yoga
- Taking on new challenges
- Connecting with nature
- Eating raw and wholesome foods – but not overdoing it
- Reading, writing, learning more
- Exploring, being fascinated
- Sharing experiences
- Connecting with others -> good company
- Feeling inspired and inspiring others

What I don’t have that would make me happy…

– Control over/freedom from my binge eating/self sabotaging routine. Though, I do realize that I can be and have been happy despite this.
- I would also like to know more about a lot of things – like how to speak other languages, the essences of other cultures, the concepts behind other religions, a deeper understanding of the human body, how to use herbal remedies, the names of plant an animal species…& the list goes on…

I wont be happy until…

– I realize that I can be happy now. That there is pleasure to be found in this moment if I can let go of wanting more.
– I get rid of this binge-eating cycle (sometimes it feels that way).

What I know about dealing with other people’s happiness…

- Sometimes I feel guilty for feeling happy when another does not. And so I pretend I am unhappy – which tends to attract things that make me unhappy (a self-fulfilling prophecy).
- For the most part, if others are happy their happiness rubs off on me!

What I have learnt from books & others about happiness…

– Life is so much simpler than we make it
- It’s okay to be happy; we don’t have to suffer
- You can have it all. Unless you tell yourself that you can’t…
- You can’t judge another’s life based on your own definition of happiness – it just doesn’t work!
- When you  spend time with negative, unhappy people it can have a harsh effect on your own happiness…

What I regret about happiness is…

– All the times I have turned it away because I haven’t allowed myself to be open to it
- All the times I have sabotaged my pursuit of happiness (particularly with food) and fallen subject to defeat, becoming blue and ‘stuck’ as I have not allowed myself to move on and seek pleasure in other areas of life…
- All the times I have ignored the joy of the present moment in favour of what the future could hold…

What I believe about happiness despite my experiences…

– Happiness is defined by you
- You don’t need anything to be happy – recognize that it’s the wanting that holds you back.
- You shouldn’t have to justify why you feel good – sometimes you just do and that is great!

Final comments on happiness…

- “Sunshine all the time makes a desert” -> we need contrast (unhappiness, sadness, loneliness, discontentedness) to experience true happiness. Embrace the darkness too.
- Enjoy the moments when you are happy – don’t waste your time trying to analyze why – work to be present.
- Allow yourself to be happy, move on from disappointment, do what you need to do.

Now ask yourself!

I remember when I was a kid, my dad telling me the truth:

“You always have a choice” he said.

At the time I protested. I saw the fact that our actions have consequences and that “sometimes those consequences can be so ugly that it’s best to avoid them” as a not-choice.

My father and I argued about this for a little while; I just didn’t get it.

But now I do:

We always have many choices. Not all are so obvious.

Sometimes we are afraid of what staying true to ourselves – being authentic – will mean.

But narrowing down one’s possibilities – due to the prediction of an ugly outcome - is a choice too.

It’s okay, and perfectly reasonable to  back away from some possible choices, but we should also recognize that our minds are programmed to automatically narrow down our options to make decisions easier. This is both a gift and a curse; something to keep in mind when you are faced with making an important decision.

Sometimes it is important to explore these ‘not-choices’ a little more closely…other times it is not necessary. But either way, it’s good to be aware.

And even in situations where your options are narrowed – when you feel out of control or cornered and obliged into doing a particular thing – you still have a choice.

However, the choice is not always as simple as to-do-or-not-to-do.

Rather, the key to your happiness shifts from

what you do

to

how you think of what you do.

This quote sums it up nicely:

“Suffering is a matter of choice. I think that we do not have to suffer anything in this life…

[Even in jail] I was still free.

Free to hate the men who were torturing me,

or to forgive them…

And the choice you make, between hating and forgiving, can become the story of your life.”

- Shantaram, by Gregory David Roberts

“Pain is frightening when it shows its real face, but it’s seductive when it comes disguised as sacrifice or self denial.

If you think you can live without suffering, that’s a great step forward, but don’t imagine that other people will understand you. True, no one wants to suffer and yet nearly everyone seeks out pain and sacrifice, and then they feel justified, pure, deserving of the respect of their children, husbands, neighbours, god.

Does a wife want to show her husband how happy she is? No, she wants him to see how devoted she is, how she suffers in order to make him happy.”

(Paulo Coelho: Eleven Minutes pg.203)

I just wanted to put out there a collection of thoughts (some my own, some others) that I feel are really great reminders of how life should be lived… Enjoy.

The questions that should always be asked:

• What is the highest choice?
• What did you learn today?
• What did that person teach you?

“Our lives are made rich by reaching out to others, not by surrounding ourselves with a boundary of no.” (Pleasure, an Almanac for the Heart)

Live with confidence and joy – When life gets hard, laugh and smile.

Listen to your heart, let go, allow the universe to guide you and enjoy the dignity in walking away. (Pleasure, an Almanac for the Heart)

Act with spontaneous, joyous generosity, aim to never say a bad thing about another. (Pleasure, an Almanac for the Heart)

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent” – Eleanor Rosevelt

Surround yourself by people who make you feel good

“To be truly free, you have to forget about what others think of you” (Pleasure, an Almanac for the Heart)

Want people. Don’t need them.

Celebrate sexuality freely; everything you do should be for you. Sex is not dirty.

To live life without expectation – without the need for specific results is freedom. All goods can be yours and all goods belong to the world. Nothing is ever lost. (Neale Donald Walsch – CWG) 

“You miss 100 percent of the shots that you don’t take.” Fear nothing. (Bob Isherwood)

You underestimate yourself, your beauty, your image to the world.

Speak with confidence – articulate your words, stand tall and follow your instincts. Give people more to read. If you are true to yourself, that is able to speak your personal truths “quietly but clearly”, even if people do not agree with you, they will respect and admire your honesty and openness.

Its OKAY to change your mind.

suffering is always the result of what we feel we have lost. (Neal Donald Walsch CWG)

Share your ideas with generosity & warmth, express yourself, use every opportunity to create and display to the world Who You Are. Never regret or feel guilty. Put yourself out there without fear of other’s reaction. You don’t need to “be” anything and you don’t need to justify your actions.

For, can you think of a better way to live?