LESS EGO / MORE SOUL

- Don Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements

If you subscribe to the egoic view of life – that you are in control of your experience (rather than God or fate) – one must come to accept that they have created all their suffering and all their struggle. This then provokes the question: Why?

Well here’s the thing: I know that by anyone’s standards I lead a blessed life. I am lucky to live in such a beautiful country, in a beautiful home, with a family that loves me and a solid group of amazing friends. But who would I be if my ‘blessed’ external experiences were all that shaped me?

It is the struggle in my life that has led me to remember myself; who I am and what I came for; what I have and what I ache for.

Adversity is our strongest teacher. Many others have experienced physical adversity, leading them to grow and evolve. Many who were faced with external adversity also looked at me saying that I had it too easy.

Feeling dislocated, I unconsciously created pain and suffering for myself in order to fit in. But the divinity of the situation goes deeper than this. While at first it did just appear to grow from the desire to belong, I can now expand to see that it was also always about having the experiences I needed to push me to grow.

On that note, I know that many spiritual beliefs preach that suffering is unnecessary. And in a way it is unnecessary – as in, it’s a choice of perspective. But this does not mean that suffering is not an important part of the human experience. Rather, suffering offers a divine platform of self-realization– a challenge to which the accomplishment of passing through adversity provides the reward of remembering who we are and why we are here, which ultimately feels euphoric.

We see this reflected in the stories of many great leaders; that their ability to live a life of integrity and wisdom is often the result of their own encounters with adversity – external and internal. Because without the struggle there is no challenge; no risk; no game; no fun and no opportunity for expansion.

“What’s wrong?” I asked the body.

“No one listens to me…you don’t listen to me…you just go ahead and make decisions, like you think you know what’s best.”

“That’s not true.”

“Can you feel me now? Can you feel what I feel? I feel sick. And so we feel sick. And I tried to warn you; I tried to tell you to stop eating; that I’d had enough; that more would be too much to handle. But you just listened to the mind who said: more is better, more is good, and god this tastes amazing! But the mind is deluded. It doesn’t know how to feel. It gets distracted. It’s been conditioned. It doesn’t understand.”

“Come now, I’m sorry…”

“And then when I want more of something you listen to the mind again. Your exercising and I feel great. But the mind is bored. The ego is afraid; it doesn’t want to be silenced by the heart beating ecstatically in our chest. It doesn’t want it’s thoughts being pushed to the side as you surrender to existence; feeling the breath, flow through our lungs; feeling the blood rush through our veins. And so it says enough. I tried, and now lets stop. It tells you I’m not strong enough. And so you give up; afraid to go into the unknown. Little do you know I was just beginning to enjoy myself.”

“Look I’m really sorry…Can I make this up to you? What can I give you? Do you want food? Water? Do you want to rest?”

“No. You’re still not getting it. I want nothing. I need nothing. Except for you to check in with me from time to time; to listen to me at least as much as you listen to your mind; if not more…I watch you, day after day, walking aimlessly around, trying to find God; trying to experience enlightenment. But you can’t because you aren’t prepared to allow yourself to feel; to be with discomfort. Your mind – bless it’s chemistry – is too focused on finding remedies; “solutions” to the so called challenges of feeling. It’s a game the universe is playing with you; guarding its best kept secrets behind the façade of illusions…distractions to make you forget. I live in that world; where everything is beautiful and everything is right. But what is wrong is that you aren’t here to share that with me.”

“I want to be with you.”

My body laughed. “Oh it will take some time. But I would like that very much.”

“Okay, so how do I…?”

“Stop trying. Stop living by certain “rules”.  Just allow yourself to feel fully and act in alignment with those feelings. That’s all you need. Don’t listen to the mind and don’t think. Don’t judge and don’t try to change things. By all means gravitate towards that which makes you feel good, but try and stay aware of temptation; aware of distractions that lead you away from that which you seek so desperately; aware of your fear that invites those distractions. In other words, learn to be comfortable being uncomfortable.”

We sat in silence for a few moments. I didn’t know what to do.  I sat for a while. I waited. I even meditated – or well I tried. But the truth is I don’t know how to feel. I don’t know what I feel… Maybe I should go and read a book... My mind said. Unconsciously, I made  a move.

“And that was all I allowed myself,” my body sadly sighed.

Life is 10% “what happens to you” and 90% how you react to it.

- unknown

‘Tell me about your experiences with Ayahuasca,’ I asked John, a volunteer at the temple.

‘Well, I guess the one that stands out in my mind today is when I met Pain.’

‘Tell me more,’ I encouraged.

‘Well, I was in ceremony when I saw a small, black figure looking rather downtrodden. He was about three feet tall, and shaped like a long, upright egg, with short legs and equally short arms that stuck out like little t-rex arms. He was really cute and I felt bad for him because he was clearly so sad – he had the look about him like a child that was left out on the playground.

I asked him what was the matter. He told me who he was. It turns out that he was this amazing teacher with so much to give and all he wanted to do was share his teachings with the world, but no one would listen to him – they would all just run away.

I told him we could be friends. “Can I come and visit you sometime?” Pain asks before I leave.
“Sure, anytime” I say without thinking, and then back tracked a little…”Well maybe not anyway time, but you can definitely come and visit again!”
I mean, he’s cute and all, but I’m not sure I want Pain in my life too often…’

Often you will find, that that which is ‘in the way’, is the way.

: not finish reading books that you’re not really enjoying. Don’t force it, close it.

: walk out of movies that suck (and hey, if you leave in the first twenty minutes, you can get your money back.)

: let it go to voicemail (especially during dinner, or snuggling, or watchingSo You Think You Can Dance?)

: give birthday gifts anytime of the year (which means you can be late or early and you can give yourself time to find just the right gift.)

: talk shit about WalMart (even if they do have the economic power of a small country.)

: cut the obligations cords that are driven by guilt.***

: pursue your own agenda.

: own next to nothing, live on a mattress, read and write and make love all day with no other responsibilities***

: return crappy products to their crappy manufacturers (because you can vote with your dollars.)

: leave your current business model so you can go do something bigger than you***

: tell your kids when you think that something an authority figure told them is bullshit (you need to be in solidarity with your child, not the so-called grown ups.)

: quit your job, even if you just started two weeks ago, or just got a raise, or are seemingly indispensable.

: get yourself off even, if you have a partner.

: have some secrets.

: cut out the elements of your business that you don’t totally LOVE. The parts that 90% of the time make you say, “WHY am I doing this? I don’t WANT to do this.”***

: give away/recycle/get rid of stuff, stuff, stuff sentimental stuff that special people gave you (your home is for you, not them); stuff that doesn’t make you feel good even, if you spent a lot of money on it; stuff that has intense memories attached to it; stuff!

: say no to “free” stuff, like swag bags at fancy events and novelty erasers and pom-pom pens from the bank. (Because the only thing in life that’s free is love.)

: fail, and fail again.

: to succeed, wildly, more than your neighbours, more than your folks, more than you thought was possible.

: be rich and “spiritual”

: be broke AND generous

: leave work early, get some ice cream, and sit in the hot tub at the gym***

: charge what you’re worth***

: focus more on creating your soul job and less on finding a ho’ job.***

: sleep! sleep in, nap, sleep.

: earn a living knitting for charity.***

: relax. To let go of the growing to-do list in your head. To release the need to get it “just right.”***

: to dance.

: go bra-less or underwear free.

: give it all to charity.

: check your email whenever the hell you want.

: start now, without the degree, without the funding, without knowing exactly where you’re going.

: sell your house to afford a big trip to India (a friend of mine did just that, no regrets.)

: walk away.

: fall in love.

: eat dessert first.

- Words stolen from here

I enjoy life and its many pleasures without guilt.

I surrender to pleasure.

I am present in this moment.
Now. Here. NOWHERE.

I can live with the uncertain, be spontaneous and surrender to the unknown. In this way I invite in the magick of life.

I realise the perfection in enough. I am satisfied with less. I enjoy all things in moderation.

I let go of my obsessions, the stories of my past.

I am present. I am interested in you. I am here to hear your story.

I laugh, I smile, I live, I love, I spread peace, love and light contagiously.

I am generous, whether you appreciate it or not.

I am the master of my mind, the conductor of my body, the friend of my soul.

I accept myself. I forgive myself. I love myself.

I am a passionate lover. I sing and I dance unashamedly as I express my joy.

I see through the maya, letting go of unnecessary thoughts.

I travel lightly, I tread lightly on this earth, honouring the source with each step.

I am open to all teachings of the collective wisdom of the universe.

I recognise failure as an illusion.

I am honest.

I am that.
I am I.
I am also you, he, she and it.
We are all one.

LESS HUMAN / MORE BEING

LESS EGO /  MORE SOUL

NAMASTE

I just wanted to quickly share a little realization I had yesterday…

So I’m in this Italian cafe, looking forward to having a nice cappuccino & a sweet biscuit to accompany. But which biscuit do I choose? Ah, the conflict of decisions, we are all faced with having to make choices! Sometimes the prospect of making the wrong choice can be immobilizing – however big or small the potential consequence of that decision may be.

My initial preference was a jam drop shortbread cookie…but then I settled on the chocolate biscotti…only to spend the whole cafe experience wishing I had gone with the jam drop cookie. By the time all was gone I found myself feeling frustrated and unsatisfied.

Frustrated that I hadn’t enjoyed the treat mindfully.

Unsatisfied because I felt that I would have enjoyed the jam drop more.

So in feeling this discontentment I took a moment to explore the situation a little more…

“How can I avoid this sensation in the future?”

I’ve been here before. A small example, but relevant nonetheless…

Last time I came to the conclusion that I should always just go with my initial preference. Yet obviously I ignored that advice – as here I am. So what more is there to learn?

I thought about the people who inspire to be a better person. Particularly this ‘loony’ yogi character I met in the park the other day. What would he do?

The answer came quickly – Accept his choice and enjoy whatever he has for what it is – enough.

In life, the ideal isn’t to always make the right choice (mistakes create contrast which in turn provide experience). However, our life becomes more satisfying when we can learn to accept and enjoy whatever choice we do make. The key is to stop weighing up the options and comparing once the decision has been made – just enjoy the chosen possibility for what it is.

I wanted to share this because I am proud – not so much of the answer itself – but of the thought process behind it. I considered what I had already learned in the past from similar situations – and built on it. That’s progress.

It reminded me that when you find yourself in the same state over again there is always more to learn. Too often do I just settle for things as being a result of a mistake, rather than not having learned enough from the previous experience.

• People need to feel more worthy of pleasure. The more pleasure you give yourself, the more pleasure you can give another. This is true of anything – sex, power, material things etc.

• There is no such thing as ‘the wrong time’ – ever. Because everything is as it should be. Always.

• Stop worrying about how other people with view your urges. Like checking out your reflection in a mirror you pass by. It’s a natural human reaction. They can deal with it.

• If you really dig someone, there is no point in avoiding an intimate relationship with them just because you are unsure of how long it will last. Life involves taking risks. You already have a collection of great friends, you don’t need anymore. What you are looking for is another, completely different experience of love. You are never going to get that experience by playing it safe. Take the chance. If you really fuck up, you still win. You gain memory, experience and wisdom. Everything happens for a reason. Nothing lasts forever, and as Brittish India say ‘it’s so rare that we need somebody else’. You might be afraid of being left behind. But in playing it safe that is all that will ever result. Forget what might happen and allow yourself to experience what does.

• ‘Hey you do whatever you want to do – but I’m still Me’.

• You always have a choice.

• Treat everyone as you would bring up your own child. Show them acceptance and what its like to be loved unconditionally. Encourage them to use their creativity to pursue their desires. Model to them a life of freedom and what its like to live with abundance. Teach them that they are the conscious creators of their experience and for that reason alone, they can achieve anything.

• Suffering is the result of mistaken identity, the product of failing to realize your purpose and creative ability as a human being. It comes about when one does no accept that the present is the only relevant reality and that life is an experience not a classroom. We are free beings, there is no need to suffer. (CWG Book II)

• Everyone lives in their own world, however few acknowledge so. As a result the majority of the world just adopt that of their peers. In truth: your neighbor’s world is irrelevant to your life and your reality. When desires and beliefs conflict, other dimensions are created so that each individual has the opportunity to experience their own world as they would like it. But whether you get to experience that alternate reality or not, comes down to how invested you are in others experiences.

• When something good ends, let it go freely. There is more to come, for the law of abundance promises it will not be the last if it is something you continue to desire. This is particularly relevant with relationships, for holding on can often push away.

• If your intentions to have sex with someone are to feel one-ness in order to satisfy your attraction and celebrate it than you have absolutely no need to fear the aftermath/direction your relationship will take post action.

• Everyone wants more or extra but that is before we realise that enough is as good as it gets. In this modern world we are constantly overloading our body with more thinking that this translates to ‘extra care’. We think that we will feel more satisfied with more – that in ‘pampering’ ourselves we are reinforcing a feeling of abundance, but this is not so. Appreciate enough.

• ‘When you find inner peace, nothing can be the creator of our state of mind or the cause of your experience of being…but you.” Need nothing. Desire everything. Choose what shoes up. (CWG Book II pg. 151 – 153)

• When someone tries to make a statement about you – a misguided judgement that provokes you – rather than attempting to rebut it or tell them how wrong they are, accept it as their ‘choice’ of thought in that moment. It is by no means a reflection of who you are. People’s opinions change like the wind. Move on and let go – don’t hold it against them. Continue along your path doing as you do. You are what you are. Anger has no place in your reality. You are confident in who you are and as a result have no conern in the way others choose to feel, do and think.

• In a society with ‘one conciousness’ there is still room for individualism. It is like how in present society, you seek out people with common attitudes, values and beliefs so that you can act freely around wthem without having to worry about being  judged. In a society of ‘one’, people can live freely like this reguardless of individual preferences. Everyone would recognise the importance of and beauty in difference and happliy acknowledge that, ‘that which serves one, may not serve another’ – in other words: each to their own.

• ‘The first question when you encounter another in any circumstance should always be ‘what do I want here?’ (CWG Book II pg 157)

• Help the ‘less fortunate’ by sharing wisdom and encouraging them to be independant.

• If you  live with kindness there is no fear in being yourself. People love individualtiy and honesty – they are drawn to these qualities through mystery. Declare who your are to the world without fear, because you are interesting! People generally give one another ‘the benfit of the doubt’ until proved otherwise anyway.

* Please note, when I talk about not worrying about others, that does not mean failing to help another in need. I’m talking about unneccessary concern – thinking that you know what is best for another when really you have no idea – how could you?

We are all humans, and I believe that we should care and help for our contempries just as the age-old line goes to ‘treat others how you would like to be treated’. I am simply saying do not forget about yourself. Failure to meat one’s own needs leads only to unhappyness, and an unhappy person can help no-one. We have to love ourselves to be able to love another.