LESS EGO / MORE SOUL

One evening toward the close of her life, instead of cooking her evening meal, Trudi climbed onto her bicycle and rode out to a dilapidated mill that had not been rebuilt. There, her preceding night’s dream of her loving and ever-supportive father, recently dead, came back to her.

It hit her s0 strongly, that she crouched right where she was and brought her arms around her middle. The scent of chamomile enveloped her, and as she looked down, the tiny flowers were right in front of her, their yellow centers ringed by white petals.

The closer she looked, the more she saw, and the more she forgot herself and her pain and became part of something she couldn’t define, as if, by getting closer to a smaller world, she had found a larger world.

How many times had she longed for a world where she knew she belonged? How often had she imagined living on the island of the little people. Yet all she had needed was here, already here.

Pia had been right — this was where she belonged. Despite the horror of war. Because of its horror. Working with the underground and the fugitives had taught her what it was like to belong. That you could initiate it, built it, be it.

– Stones from the River, by Ursula Hegi

Note to self:

Please don’t justify.

Each time you do you only limit your future options as you train yourself away from your instincts – believing that “just because” is not a good enough reason to follow your heart.

I had had enough of the world today. I was on my way to somewhere I was ‘meant to be’ when I got distracted and ended up stuck on the highway long past my turn-off.

It didn’t matter. I took it as an opportunity to do something new. And so I turned off the main roads and into the bushland.

I parked at the base of a walking track and, barefoot, wondered up the path. I went less then a 100 metres before thinking ‘fuck it’ and strayed off the beaten track.

I walked for hours through nature; not knowing where I was and not knowing where I was going. I could feel the raw earth beneath my feet. Stabbed by stones and twigs between my toes, slipping on the damp leaves. I smiled. This is how it’s meant to be.

I walked that way for answers; confused whith where I was at in life. Burdened by expectations and responsibility. Over over-thinking.

And so I listened to the trees,
the birds and the bees.

Found it funny how my body would stop before my eyes had even registered that I was about to walk into a spider’s web.

I walked around, up and down, thinking about this:

We humans think we want to live without fear and so we attempt to control risk by creating order. We are encouraged to follow this order through exaggerated fear of the unknown. It’s why we create specific paths through the forest – laying down our cement. Paths we feel safe on because our fellow man has removed true nature at our convenience. And so we don’t trust nature because we don’t understand it.

I also came to realize that you can become immobilized and overwhelmed when faced with making a ‘serious’ decision as often we see our choices as limited to walking away or walking forward. In those instances I say listen to your gut, your instincts and intuition. But there is also a third option, available in any moment. That is to stop, be still, observe and appreciate the beauty that surrounds you.

Forget about ‘the reality of your situation’ and just be.

Savour this moment. It is all for you. Sure there will be more. But more is inefficient and wasted if you can’t be present now.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n7LdLUd6fN0&hl=en_US&fs=1&]

I saw a snail just the other day. It was making it’s slimy trail along the footpath. My first reaction was to pick the little guy up. Take him off the path – save him from the chance of getting trampled on. But then I realized; who am I to change the course of this little snails life? I can’t be sure what it is he is trying to achieve. For all I know he could live for the rainy days like these, to feel his slimy belly contrasted against the rough of the cement. He could have spent the last 12 hours making his way acrross the grass, just for this moment. Or perhaps he lives for the adrenalin that comes from living on the edge. And who am I to take that away in the name of ‘what I think is best for him’?

Then again, I could be wrong…

But the point is: you never know.

Boy: I like you a lot. Be my girlfriend?

She smiles

Girl: I like you too. But, I’d rather not put a label on it…

Boy: Why not? Are you afraid of commitment?

Girl: Not afraid. Just cautious.

If we put a label on it, the relationship changes from a choice to an obligation. Sure, it means stability, but often at the cost of taking it for granted. Without a label, we don’t forget that our relationship is fragile – something we need to work on, together. It keeps things new. It keeps things interesting. It keeps us honest.

And if it doesn’t work out…alas it was never meant to be.

“Monday’s obviously a bastard, quite literally as dad can’t remember what or who he was doing. Tuesday’s temperamental but ok as long as you stay on her good side. Wednesday doesn’t say much and Thursday sometimes hums just to break the silence. They’re in love. Friday’s always wasted and she and Saturday hold each other tightly until their delirium fades. But Sunday, Sunday knows she’s the end. But she closes her eyes, and she pretends with all the strength in her tiny heart that really, she’s the dawn.” Orbiting

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k_QAPjtO2cA&hl=en_US&fs=1&]

I love that Devendra Banhart is still a child.

Walked in on the end of one of my dad’s workshops the other day…even though I’ve heard him talk about simmilar things my life over, his words were not lost on me.

He spoke about the majority’s fear of failure. About, how we can be reluctant to put our wildest dreams into action – because then if we failed – what would we have left to dream of?

It is true, some experiences are best left to our imagination, but in question of what to do with one’s life – why not be wild and chase the dream?

In finding the courage to do so, he suggested we ask ourselves this simple question:

“If I wasn’t afraid I would…?”

I’ve resolved to watch (at least) one TED video for every day I spend on the computer.

This one is my favorite so far!