LESS EGO / MORE SOUL

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An interview with Gabriel Collelo caught my eye recently – and not just because he is a good-looking nude.

In 2006, Collelo had a potentially fatal brush with death, suffering from an aneurysm at just 18. Post recovery and having just released his book An Exploration of Nudity, Collelo spoke with Oyster magazine, expressing his views on fear, love, death and nakedness in beautiful simplicity:

“Death has taught me that there is beauty in pain, life isn’t serious enough to be depressed, and there’s no education like adversity… Nothing matters, life is a beautiful thing — cherish it and experience yourself at your greatest, but…don’t take yourself too seriously. To me, nudity represents fearlessness. It’s like you’re at peace with the world and you’re so strong you don’t need armour. I’m really talking about the fearlessness and nakedness within your spirit. By making An Exploration of Nudity, I may get teased, I may get a pat on the back, or both. Either way, it’s all good and I love you.”

Reading his words, it’s pretty clear to me that this guy ‘gets life’ as is not afraid to practice what he preaches. It takes guts to put out a book like this, even if you have been a ‘mirror-basher’ since the age of seven and it’s inspiring to say the least.

I think nudity is a very curious subject in our society and that our current collective consciousness is quite unbalanced in it’s view of what nakedness represents. Either it is tarnished by taboo and sexual innuendo or suppressed with disgust or inappropriateness.

Like Collelo, I feel that nudity has the potential to be very healing and cleansing when embraced with pure intentions and directly relates back to the spirit, unconditional love and fostering a healthy relationship with ourselves.

“Two people in the same location experiencing chaotic events can have vastly different emotional responses.

While one person might be paralyzed with fear, anger, and resentment, the other person might experience the moment as humorous.

He or she “gets” the cosmic joke, which is the sudden and unexpected realization that the reality everyone experiences as “real” is nothing more than the fabrication of their own minds.

When chaotic events disturb the status quo, a doorway briefly appears, an opportunity if you will, to jump upward in consciousness, to wake up from the dream spell.

But waking up from the collective dream only occurs if you are prepared to step across the threshold.”

- The Hathors >> Read more about this here.

Abundance is not about sipping your cocktail slowly so to ‘savor’ it.

It’s about allowing others to taste it, knowing that it wont be the last.

“Anything is one of a million paths. Therefore you must always keep in mind that a path is only a path; if you feel you should not follow it, you must not stay with it under any conditions. To have such clarity you must lead a disciplined life. Only then will you know that any path is only a path, and there is no affront, to oneself or to others, in dropping it if that is what your heart tells you to do. But your decision to keep on the path or to leave it must be free of fear or ambition. I warn you. Look at every path closely and deliberately. Try it as many times as you thing necessary. Than ask yourself, and yourself alone, one question: Does the path have a heart? If it does, the path is good; if it doesn’t it is of no use. Both paths lead nowhere; but one has a heart and the other doesn’t. One makes for a joyful journey; as long as you follow it, you are one with it. The other will make you curse your life. One makes you strong; the other weakens you.”

- Carlos Castaneda, The Teachings of Don Juan

“What’s wrong?” I asked the body.

“No one listens to me…you don’t listen to me…you just go ahead and make decisions, like you think you know what’s best.”

“That’s not true.”

“Can you feel me now? Can you feel what I feel? I feel sick. And so we feel sick. And I tried to warn you; I tried to tell you to stop eating; that I’d had enough; that more would be too much to handle. But you just listened to the mind who said: more is better, more is good, and god this tastes amazing! But the mind is deluded. It doesn’t know how to feel. It gets distracted. It’s been conditioned. It doesn’t understand.”

“Come now, I’m sorry…”

“And then when I want more of something you listen to the mind again. Your exercising and I feel great. But the mind is bored. The ego is afraid; it doesn’t want to be silenced by the heart beating ecstatically in our chest. It doesn’t want it’s thoughts being pushed to the side as you surrender to existence; feeling the breath, flow through our lungs; feeling the blood rush through our veins. And so it says enough. I tried, and now lets stop. It tells you I’m not strong enough. And so you give up; afraid to go into the unknown. Little do you know I was just beginning to enjoy myself.”

“Look I’m really sorry…Can I make this up to you? What can I give you? Do you want food? Water? Do you want to rest?”

“No. You’re still not getting it. I want nothing. I need nothing. Except for you to check in with me from time to time; to listen to me at least as much as you listen to your mind; if not more…I watch you, day after day, walking aimlessly around, trying to find God; trying to experience enlightenment. But you can’t because you aren’t prepared to allow yourself to feel; to be with discomfort. Your mind – bless it’s chemistry – is too focused on finding remedies; “solutions” to the so called challenges of feeling. It’s a game the universe is playing with you; guarding its best kept secrets behind the façade of illusions…distractions to make you forget. I live in that world; where everything is beautiful and everything is right. But what is wrong is that you aren’t here to share that with me.”

“I want to be with you.”

My body laughed. “Oh it will take some time. But I would like that very much.”

“Okay, so how do I…?”

“Stop trying. Stop living by certain “rules”.  Just allow yourself to feel fully and act in alignment with those feelings. That’s all you need. Don’t listen to the mind and don’t think. Don’t judge and don’t try to change things. By all means gravitate towards that which makes you feel good, but try and stay aware of temptation; aware of distractions that lead you away from that which you seek so desperately; aware of your fear that invites those distractions. In other words, learn to be comfortable being uncomfortable.”

We sat in silence for a few moments. I didn’t know what to do.  I sat for a while. I waited. I even meditated – or well I tried. But the truth is I don’t know how to feel. I don’t know what I feel… Maybe I should go and read a book... My mind said. Unconsciously, I made  a move.

“And that was all I allowed myself,” my body sadly sighed.

Life is 10% “what happens to you” and 90% how you react to it.

- unknown

Q: Who am I?

A: Who cares?

‘Tell me about your experiences with Ayahuasca,’ I asked John, a volunteer at the temple.

‘Well, I guess the one that stands out in my mind today is when I met Pain.’

‘Tell me more,’ I encouraged.

‘Well, I was in ceremony when I saw a small, black figure looking rather downtrodden. He was about three feet tall, and shaped like a long, upright egg, with short legs and equally short arms that stuck out like little t-rex arms. He was really cute and I felt bad for him because he was clearly so sad – he had the look about him like a child that was left out on the playground.

I asked him what was the matter. He told me who he was. It turns out that he was this amazing teacher with so much to give and all he wanted to do was share his teachings with the world, but no one would listen to him – they would all just run away.

I told him we could be friends. “Can I come and visit you sometime?” Pain asks before I leave.
“Sure, anytime” I say without thinking, and then back tracked a little…”Well maybe not anyway time, but you can definitely come and visit again!”
I mean, he’s cute and all, but I’m not sure I want Pain in my life too often…’

Perhaps the biggest thing that Ayahuasca has taught me is that I am okay – no matter what I do. No matter who I choose to be.

And a big part of my first ceremony was focused on confronting this fear that I am not enough or that I might not live this life well enough.

Lying in the darkness, unsure of what to expect, I felt overwhelmed with anxiety. I desperately wanted someone to tell me what was happening; what I should do and that I was okay. But as I battled with my fear and confusion, I realized that in life there will never (and should never) be anyone around to tell you what to do or that you are good, bad or okay.

Instead, we must learn to trust ourselves and make our own decisions wholeheartedly.

If we can accept this, we accept life’s offer to explore this universe fully and experience expansion through our choices, whatever they may be.

I’ve recently been learning that no matter the conditions I still have the ability – the choice – to feel good about myself…and about life. The hard part, however, is often finding one’s way through all the darkness…and letting go of the illusionsof the external world; the illusions that at times we should fee bad for ourselves…hate ourselves…punish ourselves…

Not true.

If I can find a moment, maybe once a week, to go outside and stare up at the vast night’s sky, I can’t help but feel love for this existence. Just the fact that our hearts are beating and our lungs are breathing; that we are free and alive, with the potential to experience such an array of sensations, feelings and events, is enough to fill a heat with gratitude.